When I was 10 (2014) years old I touched my mom while she was sleeping, I continued to do things like these for some time to a few of my relatives like aunts and my grandmother. I didn't like going to school and I didn't like responsibilities too. I always tried to run away from problems and responsibilities.
I didn't put in enough effort into doing things the right way. I didn't have friends at home because I thought it would be better to just watch TV or play video games. I always ran away from my problems.
I wasn't able to learn from my misakes because I just thought about what I did again and again and did not act. When I was 14 I couldn't keep on going like this so I stopped going to school. I didn't trust most people and I just isolated myself. I had my own smartphone and used it as a distraction. At this point I didn't think I could improve. After this I closed myself from up and did not let anyone come near, everybody was my enemy, I tried to commit suicide but I didn't have any way of doing this because there was nothing that I could make use of. People around me started to mock me. I thought everything was planned.
In july of 2019, I believed that everybody was my enemy and I couldn't just sit around feeling miserable. I couldn't see a future for myself. In 2020, I was so paranoid that I thought Covid was fake. At the start of 2021 I thought I had paranoid personality disorder and believed that thought to carry myself through the year. I know that the problem is in me, whenever I try to talk about my problems now people just ignore them because I ignored my problems before and didn't do anything. I want to improve but I don't know where to start.
I freeze up whenever people start saying things that mocks my behavior. And people do this all the time now. I will give you more info about my situation if you ask me.