Mood swings or symptoms of conduct disorder?

[TW for violence.]

I only recently heard of conduct disorder while I am familiar with the symptoms of antisocial personality disorder and the like. I don't know if it could be paranoia or something causing me to feel this way, but sometimes I suspect that I could have the symptoms of conduct disorder. I am trying to see if I actually do have some of the symptoms of conduct disorder (though I do not always show the symptoms at times). I recently remembered that I could have some of the symptoms of the disorder, though I doubt that I will actually be diagnosed with conduct disorder as my behaviors probably aren't as consistent as most other people's behaviors with conduct disorder are.

I have depression, anxiety, PDD-NOS, psychosis (which could be caused by bipolar disorder or mild schizophrenia, we're still trying to figure out what's causing it) along with a possible eating disorder. I am an introverted person and while I tend to shy away from people at times, I still have moments where I'm able to work up the courage to talk to people. Most of the time, I'm pretty friendly though occasionally I have moments where I may come off as rude or cynical (which is true, I am kind of cynical). While these moments are rare, I can also become aggressive at times, especially if I have been triggered badly by something or if something is causing me to feel threatened or extremely paranoid. The last time I was hospitalized was in November when I was having suicidal and homicidal ideation and I was threatening my friends that if they sent me to the hospital and told my parents about how I was feeling, I would kill them and their families. Luckily I had never acted on this and they live many states away from me.

While reflecting on the symptoms of conduct disorder, I thought that I had some of the symptoms and I believe that I still have some of the symptoms while they are not always with me. I think that I'm going to talk about the symptoms soon, but I'm going to talk about some things that I've noticed that I have. I'm still not 100% sure if they are symptoms of conduct disorder because I still don't know everything about it and I do not know anyone personally who has the disorder.

I tend to have moments where I'm normally going about my day and being myself, when suddenly I will think something that is something that I'd normally think. While I'm very accepting of people, at times my normal train of thought will suddenly turn into something homophobic, which I find very odd. I find it kind of ironic because I consider myself to be pansexual and genderfluid and then out of nowhere, I'll suddenly have the mindset of the people in the Westboro Baptist Church. I find this somewhat scary to go through because I don't want to turn this way. Has anyone else gone through this? I can't tell whether they are mood swings or symptoms of conduct disorder, etc.

As for the symptoms of conduct disorder, I'll point out the ones that I believe I have.

Bullies, threatens, or intimidates others. I'm kind of iffy on this because I have had moments where I've bullied, threatened, or tried to intimidate others, especially when I feel threatened. Other than that, i try my best not to bully others because of the fact that I've been bullied for most of my life.

Has used a weapon that can cause harm. I have never attacked someone with a weapon, but I know a little bit on how to use a gun. I also believe that I could be capable of stabbing someone or biting, scratching, or punching them.

Has been physically cruel to people/animals. While I've been unable to attack people with weapons, I have pushed them. I also recall a few events where I slammed my little sister's head into the wall along with throwing a heavy book at her head on a different occasion. I also remember unintentionally killing baby birds when they were still in their eggs when I was younger (which I don't think counts). I have also had daydreams of torturing or killing people or even my dog at times though this doesn't happen too often. (Something that I want to note is that I believe that I feel this way at times because I think that I could pick up the ways that my parents tend to treat people when they occasionally talk behind peoples' backs or when my dad yells at and has intimidated with my dog with a taser and his belt.)

Has stolen. I have attempted to steal mood rings from a store a few years back along with stealing a child's toy at one of the previous houses that I lived in.

Has been traunt from school. I remember receiving many tardies a few years ago in my previous school along with avoiding a class by falling asleep in the bathroom (I still don't know if this was unintentional or intentional or a mix of both).

I don't know if I could have the symptoms of conduct disorder or something else because I find myself having a slight fear of being diagnosed with conduct disorder or similar disorders and I guess I did this out of fear or paranoia or something? I don't really know..

Conduct disorder is about how extreme these behaviors get. A large amount of children and adolescents can get into trouble or steal things and this wouldn't be seen as abnormal, normally. The disturbances in conduct have to be far greater than the norm, which is why it is a disorder and not just a personality disposition to mischievousness.

As for me? I was truant for almost all of fifth grade, chased people with kitchen knives, coerced people into sex, smoked marijuana regularly, broke into people's houses, gambled, conned, all at the tender age of 11-12.

Imperator wrote:Conduct disorder is about how extreme these behaviors get. A large amount of children and adolescents can get into trouble or steal things and this wouldn't be seen as abnormal, normally. The disturbances in conduct have to be far greater than the norm, which is why it is a disorder and not just a personality disposition to mischievousness.

As for me? I was truant for almost all of fifth grade, chased people with kitchen knives, coerced people into sex, smoked marijuana regularly, broke into people's houses, gambled, conned, all at the tender age of 11-12.

I understand. To be honest, I feel kind of stupid posting here now just because that I was paranoid that I had the disorder. I'm really sorry for what happened to you in the past.

Aeli wrote:I understand. To be honest, I feel kind of stupid posting here now just because that I was paranoid that I had the disorder. I'm really sorry for what happened to you in the past.

Nah, don't worry about it. Everyone gets paranoid about having something or other some of the time. Just glad I could help you out.

Imperator wrote:

Aeli wrote:I understand. To be honest, I feel kind of stupid posting here now just because that I was paranoid that I had the disorder. I'm really sorry for what happened to you in the past.

Nah, don't worry about it. Everyone gets paranoid about having something or other some of the time. Just glad I could help you out.

Thank you for understanding and helping me understand conduct disorder a little better, Imperator.

To piggy back, it seems to me that you care too much about whether your thinking processes are considered healthy to possess the precursors to a personality disorder. But I am no authority on the subject other than recently realizing that my adult son has at least Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

I am now 51 years old. I am not sure of your age, but I presume you are in high school, which is when i believe conduct disorder is applicable.

At 16, I also had eating disorder issues. Yes, I was dangerously bulimic. I knew this was not "normal" behavior without doubt. Similar to the way you are taking a broad psychic inventory, I did the same. I always wondered if every one else was as sad, confused, aloof, and intrigued by acts defying social norms. Am I normal was my motto? Realizing my heart palpitations thumping in my chest, dizziness, malnutrition, excessive excercise, and often feeling faint proposed a serious danger. I privately, at 16 yrs, started regularly visiting a Psychologist without my folks knowledge. I became motivated to investigate the nature of my incessant binging and purging.

If $$ is a concern, my Psychologist charged me very little by implementing a sliding scale, which is still practiced by many mental health professionals.

I am not advising you to seek medical support without your parents knowing or because I think you need to at all. Just sharing my experience with you because your post triggered this dated memory.

I might add that the introspection I gained (being so young) via these psych appts, I believe, helped me mature with a bit more ease. I gleaned a learning of who I am and what influences may have shaped my identity. I also implemented new tools to take better control over this shaping of my character in an effort to come closer to my personal goals and adopted more realistic expectations. During sessions, at least, my behavioral concerns were validated and unleashed were cognitive abilities I never knew were in my reach. Take it or leave it.

truth2bscene+ wrote:To piggy back, it seems to me that you care too much about whether your thinking processes are considered healthy to possess the precursors to a personality disorder. But I am no authority on the subject other than recently realizing that my adult son has at least Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

I am now 51 years old. I am not sure of your age, but I presume you are in high school, which is when i believe conduct disorder is applicable.

At 16, I also had eating disorder issues. Yes, I was dangerously bulimic. I knew this was not "normal" behavior without doubt. Similar to the way you are taking a broad psychic inventory, I did the same. I always wondered if every one else was as sad, confused, aloof, and intrigued by acts defying social norms. Am I normal was my motto? Realizing my heart palpitations thumping in my chest, dizziness, malnutrition, excessive excercise, and often feeling faint proposed a serious danger. I privately, at 16 yrs, started regularly visiting a Psychologist without my folks knowledge. I became motivated to investigate the nature of my incessant binging and purging.

If $$ is a concern, my Psychologist charged me very little by implementing a sliding scale, which is still practiced by many mental health professionals.

I am not advising you to seek medical support without your parents knowing or because I think you need to at all. Just sharing my experience with you because your post triggered this dated memory.

I might add that the introspection I gained (being so young) via these psych appts, I believe, helped me mature with a bit more ease. I gleaned a learning of who I am and what influences may have shaped my identity. I also implemented new tools to take better control over this shaping of my character in an effort to come closer to my personal goals and adopted more realistic expectations. During sessions, at least, my behavioral concerns were validated and unleashed were cognitive abilities I never knew were in my reach. Take it or leave it.

Hello, truth. I'm sorry for being unable to reply sooner. I was intending to reply as soon as I saw that you had posted on my thread but I couldn't think of anything to say in response. Plus, I've been really busy with personal things and the like. At least it's better doing something late than never doing it when you need to, right?

Yeah, I suppose that I have a tendency to care about whether if I have a disorder or not. I have this paranoia that I have some kind of other disorder whether it be mental or physical and it's been under my nose. I often worry and wonder about whether I have something else wrong with me.

At the time when I had published this thread, I was convinced that I had conduct disorder or some form of a personality disorder. My paranoia tends to be a bit more amplified considering that I am susceptible to it and I may have a mental disorder that makes me paranoid. In spite of the few mental illnesses and physical ailments I have, I am very obsessed with wanting to know if I am "normal" or at least acting in a way that the people around me would think of as normal.

I'd like to thank you for sharing your experience with me. Some of the parts in your story faintly remind me of myself, too. It's helped me and I thank you for that.

I already like how you think, and threaten. I am someone diagnosed with Conduct Disorder, Sadistic Personality Disorder, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Two great minds think alike. Try finding someone with similar thoughts and opinions, trust me, it's great to finally have someone up to your superiority level.

I don't know if I ever had that, but some of that stuff could just be typical teenage behavior.

My problem in school is I think I just got tired of rules and structure. I was getting bored being a model student and still feeling excluded (when I was 13). Started vandalizing school property for thrill, walking off campus holding a fake slip in my hand, or making up excuses so I could walk around in the hallways, walking out of important tests saying I was going to the bathroom and never coming back, getting in fights, lying to my mother about truancy letters and hiding them, and taking phone calls from the officer or school pretending to be my mother and forging her signature on absence notes, and I eventually dropped out in 9th or 10th grade before they put me in some detention-type school on campus (don't know what it was called then) and enrolled in a #######4 homeschooling christian academy and didn't do the work because it was too easy and stupid, but it showed that I was enrolled so I never got in trouble with truancy lol...

I just didn't want to wake up in the mornings and go. I liked being home and watching Lois and Clark (superman show) on TNT and VH1 or whatever it was and having fun with my friends. I don't feel there was anything wrong with me. I just didn't like *their* rules. lol

I think conduct disorder may be different than that? I think it's perfectly normal for kids to start getting bored at a certain age and wanting to experience things. It's a hard call to make, because I probably wouldn't want my child to do those things, but a lot of that has to do with society's expectations, and what it takes to live and support yourself. Other than that, the rules sometimes suck.

-- Sat Aug 20, 2022 7:54 pm --

NM this is and OLD post lol

Do you get a thrill out of breaking rules and getting away with it, and at the same time wish there were no rules, but then if there weren't rules, there would be none to break but you don't want to go to jail? lol