I am a compulsive liar and want to change...Please Help me!

Hi,

I am a compulsive liar and I really want to change. I'm 21 years old and I've lied for most of my life. The first time I remember lying was when I was about 7 or 8 about something really stupid. I grew up in China with my grandparents and my other relatives. My mom was busy getting her PhD and my dad was working, they both weren't anywhere close to me at the time. I remember that I went out to play and came home late and I lied about why. I just didn't want to go home, but I lied about it and no consequences came from it. From then on, lying became a natural habit and even if I know that I'm lying, I still won't stop the lie from coming from my mouth.

I now live with my mom and every time I lie, she could tell because she says that she can sense that I feel uncomfortable. My mom just confronted me with the proof of a series of lies that I told and still, I didn't want to tell the truth. Still, I made things up to cover for the lies that I had already told. I feel like that every time that I lie, my heart feels constricted and there is something in my chest, and yet I still can't stop myself from speaking the words that causes my mother pain. I really do want to change and I know that admitting it is the first step.

Because I was diagnosed with clinical depression, I had been seeing a therapist for the past month. It has helped me to deal with the depression issues, but I haven't told him about my compulsive lying disorder. I know that I should and I will in the next session, but I want advice on what to do during the week between visits. He could help me, but it would be nice to hear some other advice.

I feel guilty to cause my mom pain and I have a little sister that I want to nurture so that she's not like me. It would be good if someone could give me some advice on perhaps what you did to stop the cycle and what I could do other than visiting the therapist. It would also be good if someone could suggest some reading material on the subject as well. Thank you.

I can only suggest reading other threads in this forum for stories and ideas on how to change. And think that talking to your therapist is the most likely avenue for help. Perhaps you could write out some of the lies for them, so you aren't tempted to avoid or minimise the subject when you do choose to talk to them about it?