Magic Tablets

I am a victim of extreme compulsive lying which has damaged every area of my life.
I came onto this site to try to understand.

However, what I am SICK and tired of, is many messages reading 'I cant stop lying', 'What do i do'? etc etc.

The truth is there is no CAN'T stop lying about it. You just WON'T stop lying because of whatever you fear, are hiding etc etc.

Also, the 'what do I do'? Are you having a laugh?

What you do is this. It's quite simple.

1. You take ownership that you have a serious problem(s).
2. You get out the Yellow Pages (or whatever directory each
country has.)
3. You talk to some therapists and see how they respond and
what their specialities are.
4. You GO to that therapist and KEEP ON going until you are sorted.
5. You DON'T have intimate relationships whilst this is going on.
6. And hopefully you live a decent, honest life.

Why do you all keep posting the same rubbish? This has become like a mutual sympathy society. Most of you, (not all) just go round and round in circles.

There are no MAGIC TABLETS to take. No miraculous treatments or injections.

It's not difficult to work out what you SHOULD DO. It's more of a question or what you WON'T DO.

This may seem like a harsh response and I know that some of you - certainly not all - have been through trauma as children. ( I seek their exclusion for this.) But you all go on so sorry for yourselves. Oh Poor YOU.
What about all the other people YOU have hurt because of YOUR problem.
Sort it out OR stop whingeing about YOU. The universe doesn't revolve around you and there is enough wars and awful things going on to read continual self sympathetic whingeing.

yeah...w/ the war and all....gee...how dare we have any feelings for ourselves ...how dare we try to focus on our own issues.....I don't deal w/ compulsive lying....I deal w/ other things.....people have a right to deal w/ their issues...family and friends don't want to constantly hear how you are doing...especially like you said...when it seems like a person continues to be down but won't take the steps necessary to get help and TRY to be better...that much I'll grant you in your post.....but people have a right to talk through their feelings and frustrations....that's why sites like this exist....so people have an environment where it's OK to have a little self pity as you want to call it....where they can vent, cry, whine, WHATVER. Places like this are supposed to be safe environments to flat out focus on yourself and not feel like you have to answer to anyone for just wanting to talk....whether in the end you get help or not. I get so tired of people acting like just because there are others out there suffering worse...w/ war or what have you...that suddenly unless you are involved in just those causes.....your life is no cause to bring you down. Seeking help for one's problems may seem like the easiest thing in the world to do....but for some....it's scary as hell....they honestly feel trapped in a vicious circle....they hate how life is for them at the present.....so they talk about how that is for them.....many want to get better...but the idea of what might lie before them to get better sometimes seems worse to tackle then just staying stuck where they are. I can understand that. Having had to relieve some very horrific parts of my past just to get to a better place.....yeah...I can understand why some people are too afraid to start the walk down the road to getting better.

Tommy,
I know you, as a person who has probably had a straight forward existance, is probably very hurt by what you have experienced. What you need to try to understand is that people who have had a traumatised background, and have inadvertently or maybe, at times, without thinking, have hurt others, due to things that they may not even understand themselves, have hurt the people who love them the most - it is very easy for those who have not had issues in the past, or not to the extent of some of the posters on here, to not be able to comprehend, how this can happen, how they can do this, the depths they can sink to, the self destruction, the pain to others.
I have been hurt by someone like you have. My life has been a ball compared to theirs. We can try to empathise, we can try to understand, but unless you have been through that pain, its very difficult to comprehend.
It seems so easy to us, i know. We know right from wrong and we try to understand, but its hard, how, when why?????
We are the lucky ones Tommy. We have one life (as far as we know) and even though as we get older, life takes it toll, we dont suffer in this way. We have insecurities, and somehow we manage to still try to do the right thing, we have issues, but we know the right way to deal with them.
Empathy is one thing, actually suffering what some of these people have is another.
Angel is trying to convey the point to this site. It is for Cl's and people who care about CL's.
All have a valid reason to post.
I know you are trying to find understanding, and it seems so straight forward to you. This forum is for both sides of the fence.
I know the issues you have recently faced have affected you, as they have me. I have at times, been angry, and hurt, and upset, and dismayed by things that have happened.
This forum is a wonderful place for people to unload, the me's and you of this world, the people affected by lying, and the liars themselves. Without the posts of the people affected by this, our understanding would be zero.
I hope you find peace.

Hello Violet,
Thank you for writing to me.

I read your words which I found very positive and understanding. I just have struggled to find comfort in all this and am still angry: on two accounts really. One, because of everything that she has done and said, but, two, more importantly to me, that she won't explain to me when this all started and why. I loved her so much and I have told her that she can trust in me if only she would tell the truth. I wouldn't have walked away. I would've stayed with her and together got help. It's not just anger that I feel. I feel great sorrow and the depth of that has cut me apart.

I know that I am a decent, honest, intelligent person and I really am finding it very difficult to understand.

I do, however, agree with what you said to me and I know that I need to find it in myself to be stronger and to try to understand.. i have tried honestly but everytime I look back and realise 'well that's another 12 lies at least' it hurts me and mashes up my head so much that I have actually sobbed.. yes for me and for her troubled head.

I am always trying to understand people and what they do, but, and I'll be honest about this, it's begun to make my brain whir as I am a person of right and wrong. I hope you know what I mean by that. I have continually forgiven her for her lies and tried to speak to her about it but it makes no difference at all... she just carries on. Her default is set to deceive people. I find that evil.

I am sorry for my anger at the time when I posted the last message. I could add a 'but' for my message last time. I will omit that because I will begin to sound like her!

Kindly,
Tommy

Hi tommy,
I wasnt sure if you were responding to my post above yours (as im not Violet - nice name thou!)
We all get angry at our situations - I have posted a few angry ones myself in the early days.
I know exactly what you mean about the whirring brain - i spent 2 years in that situation. Im still with my partner (who told a whopping health lie along with millions of others - i read some of your posts)
I used to confront, be angry, try to be understanding, tried to ignore the lies, tried everything - but realised that i couldnt change my b/f's behaviour. We split so many times and he promised he wouldnt lie again, but in the end it was down to him to make the decision to be honest. We got to a point where i just couldnt go on, and he knew that unless something changed, our relationship was lost. This he has done and for the last 6 months, things have improved 10 fold. The trust is returning to the relationship.
I think its a self defence mechanism that has been ingrained into them. They take a very long time to truly trust another individual enough to open up completely and let themselves be vunerable, in turn, my b/f used to do alot of things wrong - would act without thinking things through, then lie instead of confess - knowing that he couldnt take back what he had done, and also didnt want to look bad for lying. It was a vicious circle. I had to hear alot of bad things that he had said and done, to get all the truth, to stop the spiral of lies. It was an incredibly painful experience. But it gave us the chance for a fresh start, and he has taken this.
Are you still with your girlfriend and trying to work through this? I wasnt sure from your post.
I know that sometimes, its easier to run the other way from all this pain. I had to take myself out of it at times, for my sanities sake.
I hope today will be better for you.

Goodness,

Where on earth did I get 'violet' from? I told you my head was mashed.

I'm really pleased that you are still working together. My giflfriend and I are very on and off. Just when I think we've discussed all the lies I learn about something new. I just haven't been able to cope with it. There are also times when she goes away for a few days, saying she has to go to the bank, see her grandchildren etc. In this absence I am in complete torment wondering what is really going on.

I don't know what to believe and it's screwing me up big time. Why won't she just tell me what happened to her? I wouldn't hurt her or throw it back in her face? I've told her this but she just carries on making up people, events and stories. God, I am so tired in all ways.


Thank you for replying,
Tommy,