Response to Tommy

I tried to post this as a reply to your post but I could not get it to work.


I am sorry that you have been so hurt. I am someone who has lied to my family and caused so many problems for them. I am working so hard to understand why I have done what I have done and to be open and honest with everyone. It has not been nor is it now easy. Although some of my family and friends have decided that they cannot deal with me right now, my husband and son have been so wonderful in not giving up on me. I am so thankful for that.

I guess I just wanted to say that I am sorry for your pain. Please keep your former girlfriend in your prayers - that she can admit that she has a problem and get professional help to work through it. It is the only way that she will ever change. I pray too that you can find happiness and love in your life.

cooking mama?
What a dear, wonderful lady you are. ie.e why have you lied in the past. you seem such a wonderful, beautiful person. i can't understand why you would lie in the first place honey?

You are so good and great and brilliant to stop lying. Would you want this for your children? I know you wouldn't want such a life for them.
All I can say is, I could give you big hugs and kisses... well done. don't take this lightheartedly. I really MEAN WELL DONE. Look at yourself in the mirror each day and KNOw who you are. YOu are a damned good person for who you ARE. Live it. Feel it. Be it.

My congratulations to you.

Hi again,

Thank you for your kind words. I don't feel like a good person - even though I know that there is good in me. I feel guilt and remorse and I really hate myself for the actions I have done. I don't know why I have done what I have done - it makes me sick to realize what I have done and the pain it has caused. BUT, I am getting professional help and I am working on getting it all figured out and getting myself back on track. I want nothing more than to be a good wife and mother. I want to feel better about myself and I want to prove that I can be trusted.

God has put some very wonderful people in my life to help me and I feel blessed and thankful.

I prayed for you this morning - for your happiness and I prayed for your former girlfriend to get help. I hope your day is filled with sunshine.

Oh - I am still doing so well with being honest. Thank you so much again for your kind words. Peace to you.

I am a compulsive liar. I have tried to move out of my current town because I am going to get caught sooner or later in a lie. I have read that certain events in childhood can launch this very self-destructive behavior. I was sexually molested by my brother when I was 6. All of that lasted till I was 10. I tried to tell my mother, but she said, "What were you doing to start it?" My brother always treated me with disdain when I was growing up. He always publicly discounted anything I said. I remember in second grade when I was playing with my brother and some neighbor kids. I got caught in a lie. My brother watched as I was vilified by the other children and he agreed with their punishment for me. Complete ostracism. I was so lonely then. I was so hungry for any attention, that afterwards I would do anything for my brother. I grew up and I was one unhappy teenager. Aimless and promiscuous. I even dropped a great boyfriend because he wanted to cut back on the sex and I was so devastated. Afterall, it was/is my only currency. I apparently had no value as a person, unless I was giving up my body.

Now I am a 50 year old woman. I do know that if I feel safe in a relationship, that I will not lie to my important other. However, I do sometimes lie to others outside of this important relationship.
I am not in a relationship now. I want one, but I have lied so outrageously to my friends and family that I will never have any relationship. I told them that I was HIV-positive. My God! What do I do now?

I am a compulsive liar. I have tried to move out of my current town because I am going to get caught sooner or later in a lie. I have read that certain events in childhood can launch this very self-destructive behavior. I was sexually molested by my brother when I was 6. All of that lasted till I was 10. I tried to tell my mother, but she said, "What were you doing to start it?" My brother always treated me with disdain when I was growing up. He always publicly discounted anything I said. I remember in second grade when I was playing with my brother and some neighbor kids. I got caught in a lie. My brother watched as I was vilified by the other children and he agreed with their punishment for me. Complete ostracism. I was so lonely then. I was so hungry for any attention, that afterwards I would do anything for my brother. I grew up and I was one unhappy teenager. Aimless and promiscuous. I even dropped a great boyfriend because he wanted to cut back on the sex and I was so devastated. Afterall, it was/is my only currency. I apparently had no value as a person, unless I was giving up my body.

Now I am a 50 year old woman. I do know that if I feel safe in a relationship, that I will not lie to my important other. However, I do sometimes lie to others outside of this important relationship.
I am not in a relationship now. I want one, but I have lied so outrageously to my friends and family that I will never have any relationship. I told them that I was HIV-positive. My God! What do I do now?

Dear nannie,
I can understand why you lied after going through such an awful ordeal when you were so, so young and innocent. I cannot imagine the emotional or physical pain you were subjected to. Have you been to a therapist about this issue alone?

I feel that you have taken everything on your shoulders and blamed yourself for what happened. That is NOT the case. You are NOT to blame. Maybe you felt shame yourself in what happened? You really need to go to a therapist about your brother in the first case before you even discuss lying.

You have obviously, since a child, began lying and it has become a habit. Maybe you dislike, even hate yourself? You shouldn't. YOu seem like a decent person to me and have (I hope) been honest to me. What about being honest to yourself?

Why don't you write down all the things that you believe are good, and you KNOW are good about yourself and start to re-emerge as who you actually ARE. A metamorphis (spelling) if you like about yourself. Get your hair cut, get some new clothes, be a different YOU. Be a new person: and live it.

Don't lose what you have. One of the worst things I have found is not the dishonesty even... it's simply the not knowing. I began to think that my partner was seriously mad in the head, and what's more we all KNEW she was lying. People were laughing about her behind her back so there is no point in lies.

You're not mad. You DO need help particularly regarding your past and I genuinely believe that when you begin to do that that your thoughts will clear.

You WILL have a good relationship but you do need to trust in people... we're not all the same. I can see why you haven't trusted people to date - because you were so abused and your trust was taken away. You need to let yourself cry and grieve for the child that you were at that time. You do need a good therapist to go through this time with though. I wouldn't advise you to do this on your own.

Do you feel that you have enough strength in yourself to tell those people that you have told that you don't have HIV? I tell you what. I may be shocked and appalled (being honest with You) myself but get it off your shoulders and tell them. I know it will be bloody hard.

I feel that you are a really good person inside and that you are crying out for attention and love which probably started because of your brother.

Change honey. You are so much better and a worthy person than this. Look at yourself in the mirror and change. Make vows with yourself that you WILL lead a better life and stop hurting people.

Maybe you want to hurt people because you have been hurt yourself. Maybe you hate the world and all the people in it. You need to explore this with a counsellor. Maybe you are angry and crave attention?

I went to a counsellor for a very different reason and found them to be absolutely amazing and very understanding.

We don't ALL lie and you need to know that we aren't all distrustful, hurtful people. I promise you that. There are a lot of people out there who are good, decent, non-abusive people. Get some references for therapists and look at yourself in the mirror each day. Write a journal.

I applaud you for telling me for your dishonesty and feel privellaged and honoured. If your friends and family care they too, will feel the same.

Don't be frightened. My love is with you my friend. Have courage to do this and you WILL find yourself and also deep, caring non-abusive love in your life. xxxxx Post me again if you need me. xx