Compulsive Lying

I heart goes out to everyone here as I am a compulsive liar as well.

My problem has stemmed from a very young age as well. From as long as I can remember, I lied to get out of almost anything. My mother always called me stupid, although I could carry anger, I chose not to. I always said she did the best she could. She suffered from depression almost her whole life.

My insecurities have limited me to everything. From family, to work. I’m a single male in his late 30’s and have failed in almost everything I’ve done. I work as a systems administrator and was self taught, I am good at what I do but feel inadequate among people because I don’t have a degree. Instead of telling the truth, I lie to make situations larger than they really are.
I seclude myself people because I believe they are more educated than me. I generally don’t make friends because I fear we have nothing in common, or maybe this is an embedded message deep within my subconscious. I’m aware I am doing it and HATE it with a passion.

I’ve recently lost my girlfriend because of my lies and insecurities. It’s sad what I did to her, seeing she was probably the one woman who truly loved me. She told me that I was officially the worst mistake of her life. Wow, kick you when you’re down huh? I deserve it. I lied to her when we first met about my kids. I have two wonderful children with two different women, they are 11 years apart. She thought they came from the same woman and every time she mentioned their mother, I never corrected her by saying they have different mothers. Well, didn’t take long, but she forgave me and I plead to take me back. She did, and that was the start of our 2 year relationship. As our relationship was ending, I came clean and told her I was a liar and that I am working very diligently to help myself. Long story short, my lies became a problem, and when there is no trust, it’s hard, even when one tells the truth. We’ve all learned about crying wolf at a very young age. What happened?
They say, in something bad, there is a good.

Although I’ve lost her, I think I’ve finally learned the severity of my actions.

I am tired of feeling inadequate and lying to cover it up. This is a sick disease which fortunately can be tackled. With much work and effort, one needs to look inside himself and realize life is too short for fairytales. True happiness comes from within, not from others. If you love yourself enough, love and happiness will follow.

As for me, my journey now begins in sharing my experience in more detail, explaining the painful life I’ve lived, the overwhelming losses and hopefully the transformation so I can inspire people to work hard not only at facing our demons, but in everything we do.

Cheers!
Steve

hi i am too a compulisive lair i lie to my wife about everything money u mane it i lie never cheated on her only lied things have now got to the point where i have lost her i have promised to get help but didnt tried to help myself that was joke i dont know about you but i made rows because i was so angry at myself
i hope things work out for u myself i think its the end even to the point i cant face her and sleep in my car how sad is that
best of luck