I want to stop. Please give advice.

Hi. I am a compulsive liar. I'm twenty-one years old. I always knew I was. I ignored the fact I was lying because it felt better to be someone else. I did it to hide the truth from my parents and fellow friends. I flunked out of community college so I told everyone I graduated and I'm still going to another school. I lied to my best friends about friendships and relationships I've never even had. I lied about how wonderful my life is, when I know it isn't. I've lied about pretty much every aspect of my life. I've lied about who I am on the internet, from how much money I have, that I have four kids and I've been married twice and all this other stuff that I don't want to discuss. I just want to stop. The word liar or the word lie makes my skin crawl and reminds me of how much a fraud I truly am. I don't want to be a fraud. I want to be real and it's time for me to be honest. I want to be honest with my new boyfriend, my first real one and with the people I care about. How do you go on about this? How do you cut off friendships with people who you made online? I created a fake person in order to make myself seem cooler and interesting. And all I want to do is not be a compulsive liar.

I think it REALLY started when my parents started breaking up, when I was thirteen. It was easier for me to pretend like I was someone else, I lived somewhere else and life was going to get better. But as I progressed forward, I realized that it wasn't getting better. So the longer I pretended this, the more I lied. Does this make me stupid or ignorant? Or does this make me just a bad person? At about eighteen, I started getting the symptoms for depression. That's when I flunked out of school and I was relying on my internet fantasy to be someone else. Last September, someone called me out on the fact I was a fake and a liar. She called me a pathological liar at first, I freaked out because I wanted to defend my fantasy, but as the months progressed, I became more and more aware of it. I eventually quit the majority of the things that caused me to lie about who I was, all of it. But then I got bored with my life, trying to get it back on track. I went back. And at first, I went back as myself, as this person and I felt good at about it. I was being honest. At first, my relationship with my boyfriend was honest, but as time progressed, I wasn't. Now it's June. And all I want to do is go back to being honest.

How do you stop? I can't afford the therapy that I know I definitely require. How would you stop?

Heya,

Don't feel too disheartened because you seem to have done a lot of thinking about this already. You seem to know already - for example - why you started to lie in the first place. In relation to this, I can assure you that it doesn't make you a bad person as I believe many people in your position would have migrated to forming untruths to make the situation better. I say untruths because the 'L' word has so many negative connotations to it - Just do'nt use it again. When people hear that word, they turn a blind eye and don't consider that it can actually be a genuine problem.

If you are sure that you cannot afford therapy, then there are other things you could try to help your situation. For starters, change your email address and just keep in touch with the 'genuine' friends in your life. You can eliminate a lot of people by changing an email address and then not telling them about it. Also, try to test yourself as much as possible by telling truths of yourself that you might not be proud of. For example, if you don't like something you've done in your life, then be honest about it the next time you have an opportunity to mention it in conversation. Being truthful and honest keeps yuotr conscience clear, even if the truth can sometimes hurt.

Kevin