Help needed... First time forum.. Please read...

Hi, I am new to this forum but not to this subject and need some help.

I am 25 years old and I am on the brink of losing everything due to my complusive lying. I have been unable to tell the truth for a preolonged period of time for years now and I have destroyed most of the realtionships I have made including family, partners and friends. My partner who I was with for just over a year has left me because of the damage my lies and causing and he feels he has nothing else left to give me as I keep getting chance after chance and keep lying about small things from paying a bill to massive things which seriously damage us.

I have never been unfaithful to my partner but he is convinced that I have due to tmy lies and also I had a key for my partners parents house to do things in the house whilst they were on holiday and an item of jewellery went missing and his mother thinks that it was me!?? (It wasnt!) I understand why people feel the way they do about me and think that I am a vile and disgusting person and he doesnt understand how you can lie to someone you love.... I need to change TODAY and I am desperate to put things right!

I am at the stage now where I HAVE to change in order for me to lead a normal life. I am consulting a therapist and considering hynotherapy and NLP treatment to help in the long term but I am trying to win my partner back and I need ways to improve things as soon as possible from my side of things whilst the therapy is helping me move forward.

Can anyone suggest any ways to deal with things day to day and to help rebuild the trust between me and my partner?

Also, if my partner has lost faith in me is it worth trying to save the relationship? I love him with all my heart and I can't keep hurting him like this, it isnt fair, he means the world to me and I know he is the one who can get me through this. If you have any advice for my partner so we can sit down and talk and suggest things he can do would be great too...

I know I am asking alot and after reading these forums there are people who are going through exactly what i am doing to my partner, friends and family and I am very sorry for all your experiences, please dont think negative of me. I recognise I have a problem and I am willing to do anything to change and put it right.

I thank you in advance for your help and advice.

cosmo07 wrote:I am at the stage now where I HAVE to change in order for me to lead a normal life. I am consulting a therapist and considering hynotherapy and NLP treatment to help in the long term but I am trying to win my partner back and I need ways to improve things as soon as possible from my side of things whilst the therapy is helping me move forward.

What I am about to say might sound harsh, I know that you have hit a crisis point and your struggling.

I don't think you can WIN your partner back. You have to respect his decision to leave and take care of himself. Your therapy is to help you, but it won't be a fix all of your life kind of situation.

cosmo07 wrote:Can anyone suggest any ways to deal with things day to day and to help rebuild the trust between me and my partner?

It's good that you are wanting to get into therapy, so you need to learn to relax, your not a bad person, but you've develop some behaviors that are damaging for you and the people around you. Each day, slowly take one step at a time towards recovery.

You can't expect your partner to come around because you now have been forced into therapy. Especially given that fact that you have had many opportunities in the past and now that it has come to a crisis you are forced to.

This is no longer about just you, it's about having to deal with the consequences of your actions. That hurts I know.

All you can do is get yourself some good quality therapy, with a psychologist or psychiatrist if you can afford too. In time your partner might see a change in you and reconcile.

In the meantime, I don't thinks its fair to say that your partner is the only person who can get you through this. I think it will help you to see that you can do it on your own. Your partner might respect that you taking responsibility for yourself. That might seem like harsh words, but often the worst of a crisis is a learning opportunity. Take this time to learn all you can about yourself.