I am married to compulsive liar....need advice...

I dated my husband for about a year before we got married....when we decided to get married, I did so honestly thinking that he had quit lying to me. (We had a rough courtship because he was having serious problems at the time. He had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenai....although I see no signs of that now.) I understood that he had problems.....so I stuck with him through everything. Now, after just a little over a year of marriage, I think I am going crazy. We've had instances of lies over the past year....and every time he promises to never lie again. (He makes up stories, lies about useless things....I never now whether to believe him or not.) Now I am at my wit's end. It has gotten to the point where I am about to start seeing a therapist myself and I went to the doctor for something for my nerves. (However, I don't want to take the pill because I don't want to cover up the real issues. I want to work through them.) My husand gets mad at me for not believing him, he blames everything on my lack of trust. How am I supposed to trust someone who never tells the truth!!??? For about 6 months or more, I have been having sexual problems where it hurts terribly absolutely every time I have intercourse. My gyno can find nothing wrong that can be causing this. She has suggested a therapist for this. Now I have begun taking fits where I cry for hours on end, and once I finally calm down, I can't remember why I was so upset. My husband says he has already seen 3 therapists for his problems and he knows that another therapist can not help him. Please advise. I'm losing the will to fight this. Thank you.

Sandi

P.S. You can e-mail me at drunk_on_words@excite.com

I am in a relationship with a complsive lier as well. Although there is no excuse good enough for the lying I have come to my conclusions on why my husband lies. He has had a lot of trouble with learning growing up and I think that he lies to make himself look better then what he is. And the thing that makes me mad is that he lies to me about the STUPIDEST things. I can tell you that we have been in counceling for about 6 months and it has really helped alot. He is getting better with his lying. Although he gets mad at me because I have to double check everything he doesit only makes him realize that lying isn't worth it. I wish you the best and hope that it all gets better for your sake.

I also dated a compulsive liar for several months. Love her to no ends but she left me for another. Made me believe I was everything to her. My self esteem went through the roof. Unfortunately, I have discovered that she lied about so many things. I hate what she has done to me and my sanity. It has been one of my most painful experiences in my 40 years of life. I'm worried I will have so much trouble believing another woman after this. Words are simple to use but hold so much power. When abused, they can be leathal to one's soul.

Unfortunately, I have issues with turning off love for someone once I open myself up. Usually takes 2 years from my past experiences.
I am going to hate these next 2 years of my life because of her.
Any potion or spell to turn off this pain and memory of her?

My advice. If you know you are going into a relationship with a liar. Avoid it if all possible. You can not fix them with love. I thought I could. Only to get destroyed in the process. She, on the other hand is in love with someone else and having the time of her life. Pitty on that man when he discovers he has met his match.

What jimmy said is so true.

"Words are simple to use but hold so much power."

Have you read Don Miguel Ruiz's book "The Four Agreements"?
http://bpdrecovery.com/4agree/four_agreements.html

Here is another link which may help someone.
http://www.mendontlisten.com/article_red_flags.html

Vic

I recently left a relationship with a compulsive liar after three years. It took every ounce of strength in me to finally leave. I love this person more than words can describe. All I can say to anyone out there who thinks it will "get better" is YOU ARE WRONG! All that will come out of it for you is heartbreak, self-doubt, and complete devestation. Usually CL's are also master manipulators, so by the time your heart & mind are ready to accept the truth, you're in too deep. I was left almost emotionally destroyed by my experience. I was made to believe that I was the one with "trust issues". My self-esteem was shattered completely. You want to believe the person you love is being truthful to you so badly, that you can "will" your mind into believing them. TRUST YOUR GUT. Get out of the relationship as soon as you can, no matter how painful, no matter how much you want to believe the other person will change or somehow "get better". They will not. It has nothing to do with you. It is a problem deep within their own psyche, and no amount of love can cure them. All that is there is for you if you stay in a relationship with a CL is a lifetime of anxiety, heartbreak, and sorrow. It is truly a heart-wrenching situation, but remember - your sanity is first & foremost. Also, the old cliche is true: time does heal all wounds (albeit very slowly). You will always be left with a scar, but for those going through this right now who absoultely cannot invision their life without that person, please believe that you can & will get through this. EVERYONE deserves a significant other whom they can trust. I hope I can help at least one person out there by sharing my experience.