Life well wasted

15 years of the same crap. I've lost a wife, my daughter, a house, cars, all my friends, my family, everything. I moved back to the country I grew up in, looking for help but wasn't strong enough to follow through and fell into the same old circle. It's now been about 15 years of chronic lying, and I've now lost the second woman I've ever truly loved because of it.

As I sit here in a hotel room with nowhere to go, I begin to take stock of the damage I've done to myself and others. It's not worth it. Why did it take so much destruction for me to be ready to get help and face up to this. I want to be well for me, I want to love myself - something I haven't done since I was a teenager. I can't trust or love another person without loving and trusting myself.

Every day I don't tell a lie it's progress. I can do it. I know I can, this is the time. In a week I will be 30 with nothing but a trail of destruction to show for my life. No more.

If you are interested in reading my story, seeing just how horrific chronic and/or compulsive lying can be private message me. Happy to share my story with you, but it's way too long to post here.

If you're reading this and you're in the same boat, my heart goes out to you. The first week of hitting true rock bottom has been awful. I hadn't cried in over 15 years, part of the illness I think, and I think I'm finally grieving lost friends, lost relationships and lost loves.

Scott

Hi, Scottles! You are welcome to post your story here if you want, or just write about how you're feeling. It's good to grieve for what you've lost. Maybe you can get some of your life back if you will stay strong and start to heal.
You don't have to rush into anything though. Sometimes it helps to just accept your emotions and the past for a while and give yourself a break.

Every day has certainly been better. I've kept a journal and it's helped a lot. I found it helped too to write down not only the lies that I had told, but what I wanted in the future. I've talked to my family and loved ones, and I think that some of them are starting to finally see that I'm serious about getting better, and serious about getting my life on track this time. It has been a long time coming.

I've gotten to the point where I need to make sure I dont lie about anything. Doesnt matter how small, that's how it starts. I need to be upfront with everyone about everything, and I need to focus on myself. Ive finally realized that it doesnt matter what people thinks, if they love me for me then fantastic, but I cant make myself someone Im not just to appease people.

It will be a long, hard and interesting journey finding out just who I am, but Im certainly willing to do the work

It sounds like you have a good plan, Scottles. Sorry about the late reply. You can be honest, thoughtful and kind as well, and you will feel good about yourself.