I don't know why I do it.

I am so confused... I am almost 28... a faithful Christian and church leader, but I open my mouth and lies come out. About everything. Nobody knows. They really don't. I'm so lonely because even my closest friends don't have a clue. I used to just lie about what I had for lunch or what I did in highschool. Then it preogressed to lying about why I was out from work...vertigo, increasing the drama of little things to be more exciting. Now, I lied about dating relationships... making up people and breakups and dinners and flowers... I think I'm going crazy. I lie to my church folks about work... I lie to my work folks about people from church. If there is no story, I make it up. If there is a story, I make it big. It isn't just lying to make me look good... I lie about drinking. I really don't drink at all, but I say I "struggle" with it. I lie about sex. Again, I believe what Bible teaches and I wouldn't get physically involved with out being married, but I've told people that I have recently broken off a relationship that went "too far." Now I'm a 28 year old woman, not some kid in school worried about his rep... It's just not true. I know Bible says God hates lying, but I just open my mouth and out comes these incredible stori es. Why? I have no idea. It's almost enough t o make me want to actually do the wrong things I say so that I could be telling the truth for once. So many people look up to me. I wish I could just disappear. I promise myself to never lie again... that lasts only until the next time I speak to someone. I'm good at it. Nobody knows, but me. I actually tried once to tell a younger friend I was making something up. It led to him saying how "good" and "modest" I am and how I shouldn't sell myself short. Bah! I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world. What do I do? Help me... please

Hi
Iam actually on the recieving end off the compulsive lier and believe me it is no fun especially as i love the guy who is lieing to me.
maybe if you read my post it will give you an insight into what damage the lies actually do to the recipient.
I think its very brave off you to tell your story and it will maybe help me to understand why my bf lies to me but even if i do understand i will still never have any trust in him and a relationship is supposed to be based on trust.
I wish my bf had written what you have written then at least i would know that he regognises his problem but when i have found him out he still insists that he is not lieing it is so frustrating and it drives me mad.
Sometimes i think he pushes it to see what he can actually get away with , do you feel that ? iam begining to even think that he gets a kick out off fooling me , and in saying that he is a very sensative guy and i know he would walk to the end off the earth for me.
May i ask ? are you an insecure person ? or an attention seeker its just that i get the feeling that he is always looking for praise or respect.
I wish you well and hope you can find a way out off the vicious circle as it destroys peoples lives also the compulsive liars life as i know that it is spoiling his as he has no friends and i 'think' that this time iam throwing in the towel and i dont think he will ever be loved again the way i loved him.
mags

To lie is to create. So bold a statement cradled my sorrow that held my lies in fear. I often read without the mere thought of reply. But up til now I've chosen not to face reality on this issue. Like a cold wind slicing across your face with ice, I chose to look into the coddled warmth of my delusion as subtle of one as it may be. I feel sad, I feel like a bad person. But I chose to feel alone. Some choices escape our logic and morality til it's too late. But being alone is one choice we can fight back. Raise arms in pride of blood sweat and tears for we all have shed them to this beast over the years. Even if we all fall into the damned abyss for our sins, we shan't do it alone. Good luck to you

AMC... You are a powerful and gifted writer.

I am so glad you are now reaching out to end the aloneness of this crippling condition. Long may that continue.
Big Hug,
Billi