New Here

I am here to first acknowledge that I have a problem with lies. I tend to lie to avoid conflict, to be more liked, to garner attention, for a myriad of reasons. I believe it started when I was young. I saw my mother lie constantly and it comes as no surprise that I did exactly as she did. When I was young I lied to avoid physical and sexual abuse. I also lied to hide the shame the abuse brought along with it. I would tell other school age children that I went on family vacations to avoid the truth which was that I felt damaged and didn't know how to ask for the help I so dearly needed.

Now as an adult I don't lie every day. I do it when I am triggered. For example in my last relationship (which I still wish was my current one) my ex was very insecure and would question me a lot about whether or not I cheated. I never did but I lied about male friends even though there was nothing I should have been hiding. I lied to him recently about my health making my issues seem more than they are. I guess the reason behind that one is that it manipulated him into feeling something other than the negative effects of our breakup.

We broke up for many reasons but the issues were joint. I lied and got caught which made him believe me to be untrustworthy. He was abusive with his words and would often remain in the relationship only to be apathetic and sometimes just plain hurtful. We ended with a huge fight.

We have since remained in contact but it is this relationship that made me realize that I tend to lie more often than I choose to tell the truth and it never makes me feel good. I don't get a rush. Instead I feel guilt and tend to feel horrible about myself.

I was glad to find this website because I need to work on facing my faults and limitations so that I can better myself. I am so glad to see there are others out there that are facing thier issues head on and will be better for it. I guess I am here for support and to not feel so alone in all of this.

I am having health issues and I am very depressed at the moment. This breakup is causing me so much angst and pain. I am looking inward to take responsibility for my part and to become the best version of me so that if I am ever blessed with love again I will know how to better handle it.

I just feel so vulnerable and lonely. I also feel sad - I am prone to tearing up at the drop of a hat.

I had hoped for some replies. I guess I didn't ask any questions or really leave a lot open for comment. Are there any people here that have lost relationships due to lies and/or somehow repaired those relationships? I guess I just need a buddy or two to share my honest truth with as it relates to this addiction. I also would love to learn more about others and how to overcome.

Hey WIP- welcome to the forum - so sorry that you're feeling sad, although it's totally natural after the end of a relationship.

I've been frustrated with the lack of replies on this forum - you can see that hundreds of people look at each post, but not very many post replies. Oh well. I've found another site that is much more responsive -- supportgroups.com-- but unfortunately, it doesn't have a specific group for people with general honesty issues. (There is a group for infidelity).

I've figured out something about my own lying recently, and I've made some changes that have been working for a few weeks now. I'll share them with you, but it's late where I am, so you'll have to wait a little bit.

I suggest that you check out the other web site I mentioned - they also have groups for divorce and relationships, etc. If you join, message me on this site, and I'll tell you my user name over there.

Anyway - hope you feel better. Hang in there.
HF

Hi Work In Progress. So sorry for the late response. I hope that you're on the road to seeing help and planning out how you can be the better you. I've been here since 2013. That's when I had a massive blow out with my lying problem. I've been pretty good, on and off, for the past 2 years. When I first started, I thought that lying is lying. I really didn't know that hiding information leads to lying. That's why I'm back. A few days ago, my husband and I had another incident where he caught me lying. So that's why I'm back. These past few days have been an eye opening experience both good and bad.

What I've done is started a blogsite 2 years ago... I stopped because I thought I had a good handle at things but started it again after realizing that I have slipped. When you get this, feel free to visit it...

aliarsjourney.wordpress.com

I do hope you're doing and feeling better. All I can say is that the only thing you can do is take this one day at a time... on your own pace... don't feel like you have to be rushed. embrace the situation as much as possible and learn as much as you can.

take care. looking forward to hearing from you.