HELP ME!!!!!! lying is ruining my life!!

I posted something like this before but im new to this site and i cant seem to find the other post so anyway...
Im 17 years old and when i was 13 i made up a boy called Danny who i pretended was my boyfriend i made up his whole family to the last detail and also went as far as making up facebook/twitter accounts with pictures from other peoples profiles, this lie went on for years i lied about little things inbetween aswell.. i also lied to my friends telling them i was pregnant with this 'dannys' baby when i was 15, i told everyone i had a miscarriage worst part of it is that when i saw my mum and dad break down due to all my lying i didnt even care, it ruined my family.. i know i am doing it but i just dont seem to have any empathy also i cant stop.. it almost seems real, i ruined my relationship with my ex due too all my lying... is there something wrong me? shall i go to the doctors?

Hi Lydialouise

The reason you lie is a much deeper problem to do with your self-esteem. You feel that you have to lie to gain attention. You have to seek therapy for help, its a great start to admit you have a problem but you cant sort this problem without help. I have lied many times in my past and each time told myself I would not lie again and each time I have lied again. Its time to break the cycle and receive some help. Start maybe by talking to your parents and tell them you want to change and you feel you need help to change, they love you and will stand by you. My family have stood by me and i'm now starting to get help too.

The best of luck. I'm not an expert in this area but I am going through it too so if you need more help or advice then just please message me back.

Okay Thankyou thats helped, i just didnt know where to go or what to do.

Hi LydiaLousie,
I am a little confused by your post because I can't work out whether you are a lying addict/ compulsive liar or a pathological liar due to the fact that you say you have no empathy in relation to your lying. To help you understand what I mean, here's my definition of both...

I define "Pathological Lying" as "the actions of someone who deliberately and intentionally lies for financial, material or some other gain with no care or consideration to how their lies will affect or harm others."

I define "Lying Addiction" as "The condition of being addicted to lying as a normal and reflexive way of responding to life where the intention is not to cause harm to others."

You say you have no empathy but your words and actions suggest otherwise. Is your lying really "ruining your life". If a person has no empathy then lies would not ruin their life.
Do you think it is more a case of you tell yourself you have no empathy in order to carry on lying? This would fit with addiction in general if so. If you really had no empathy, my belief is you would not be on this forum asking for help. Why would you? You wouldn't care one way or the other... Addicts on the other hand end up having to cut off their feelings to the harm they are doing to others else they would not survive emotionally in relation to continuing to practice their addiction.

In general though, your actions around "Danny" are typical of lying addiction and my guess is you are primarily lying because you have chronic low self esteem.

Lying is a comforter for low self esteem. If a Lying Addict can believe the things they are saying about themselves, then they are comforted. Lying is a security blanket.

For those moments during the lies, the lying addict is not the non entity they feel they are at their core. Telling a lie about themselves makes them appear more interesting. At all costs, the lying addict does not want to appear the dull and boring person they believe themselves to be. So, for instance, a “geek” who has never had a girlfriend will lie about being the opposite. He will say he’s athletic, is a tough guy and has had lots of girlfriends. They don’t feel their core self is good enough. They are deeply unhappy with who they are.

With their lies, lying addicts are trying to make themselves somebody “worth getting to know” because they have no faith that people will like them for who they really are. They don’t believe they are good enough on any level. If their lives are exciting (through the lies), lying addicts believe people would then, and only then, have a reason to want to talk to them.

It doesn’t matter how many words of encouragement or compliments come from others about them, they simply cannot own the words and have to become someone else in the eyes of others. The core need always is to be seen as better than they believe themselves to be and so pretend to be something they are not. They simply don’t feel interesting enough so are driven by the need to get people to like them.

Big Hug,
Billi Caine