Confused!

Hi, I'm new here and could use some help. I've been with my wife now for 6 and a half years (5 married). From the onset of the relationship she lied about everything (she was 19 then). When we first met she told me she was a 24 yr old university grad and that she was working full time. Within 3 weeks she confessed the truth that she was 19, unemployed and obviously not a grad. She said she wanted to impress me, I was 26 and already in a professional career. The lying never stopped though, and till this day when I have suspicions I'm usually right. The bottom line is that she has been diagnosed with depression and is now on medication. My question is this, is it the depression that caused the lying or was it the other way around?

Guest,

You pose a difficult question to answer.I may be wrong but I think that the root of compulsive lying might be found with what kind of self esteem a person has. Depending on how they feel they come across to others they may stoop to telling what seems to them just a "little white lie" at first. Then it becomes more of a need to cover up. IMHO I think that Com L'ing begins and then not too soon after depression begins to set in. Also, I have seen many people with this disorder never take responsibility for it...and so on and on it goes.

My older brother has been a C L most of his life. I have seen him lose everything, his wife and kids, jobs because of the lies he told and then when he was found out people began to trust in him less and less. I still love him dearly but know that I need to take everything he says with a grain of salt.

Would your wife be willing to go for some professional help? Is she willing to admit that she has a problem? I hope so for the good of your relationship with her.

Please feel free to keep us updated.

Sweetngentle aka Kathy

Thank you for responding. She is now on anti-depressants for the third time. She gave up both times previously, against the advise of the psychiatrist. This time she saw a gp at the same clinic who saw her record and prescribed the same thing. This was instigated by her shock at herself for kicking my car to bits after an argument. She continues to lie, I just saw a text in her phone from her colleague at work mentioning that her boss is concerned about her leaving??? She had told me recently thst she was unhappy with me (pre medication), so I gave her money for a deposit on a house to rent. She then changed her mind (I thought), and said she wanted to stay.

I'm actually losing my mind now. She won't talk to me, except to insult me.

To be fair, I probably haven't helped. I recently confessed my infidelity. I didn't have an affair, but I was unfaithful for about 2 years, ending 8 months ago. I think, in my own way, I was avoiding reality. A bit like her I guess.

hi

Just read your story not sure if this will help your wife at all but I have found that hypnotherypy can address deep rooted problems and this can dig out theroute cause of a problem somewhere in the
subconciousness of the mind sits the problem that caused this CL to start. It can go back many years and lay dormont for that time until something triggers it.
I also think that CL's try so hard to fit into the society around them this could be people or a person like the lies about being a graduate . They feel that they will be accepted more this is classic symptoms of low self esteem, and yes they are very convincing, when they see it has prilimary worked off they go again and again.
Until they cant seperate the lies from reality.
It can cause all kinds of damage and hurt to everyone around them,it acts like a vortex.
Hope my suggestion helps there are people out there who fully understand what you are going through and this forum has helped me to cope with a friend of mine who is a CL and yes she continues to this day although I have no further contact with her .

Hi Guest
im not with it here, how can you confess to your infidelity, but have not had an affair, but confess to your unfaithfulness???
Makes no sense.
Can you clarify please..........
I can see your wife had this problem for some time, perhaps you can enlighten us on what you mean by what has happened with you and how you feel this has affected your relationship.
Most here have experience, either as liars or living with liars, please try to clarify your situation and maybe we can help.
Thanks