High school headache: my bullying story.

Now I know many people are bullied in school, but I had a rough time in comparison to normal. (WARNING: INCLUDES SELF HARM AND DEPRESSION, DISCRETION ADVISED!)

I had a good life until high school, no real worries or problems, I was happy-go-lucky most of the time and always had a smile on my face; but that all changed in high school.

Since year 7 (English school system) I was always picked on, I'll admit I was a dick back then, but I've had a very traumatic life with my physical disabilities. Now it started very small, people were curios as to why my lips were always purple and why I didn't do PE, I was picked on for wearing glasses at times. I was a social loner then because I didn't want to know people, even though I could have helped myself then (darn hindsight). As I moved through the years I developed more, and started becoming me; nothing wrong with it and I'd defend my right to be me to the death, but I was different. (How many people did you go to school with that was physically disabled and open about their differences like being asexual (or gay for that matter)?) It had got to a point where I was infamous among everyone, from year 7 to 6th form, everyone...and that's not easy.

It was in year 10 when it became bad, people picked on me over everything; eyesight, disabilities, migraines and every little ######6 thing they could. They called mu a smurf, casper, the retardis...I had hell, and it's ok from one or two people, but from about 1000 pupils? I was afraid of going to school, people attacking me psychologically and the ######6 teachers putting it down as "Playground banter"! I was livid, multiple times I physically lashed out, and I was punished. Understandable but I was feeling of diminished responsibility, rage filled. But it continued, and in my failures I became depressed, and with only one friend worth my time going through depression as well...life felt useless.

It was then I started cutting, it started just for pain, I needed to hurt temporarily, but the depression was pulling my grades down and I had to do extra time at school, I really couldn't be bothered with that either. In year 11 I'd cut two days in a row and the depression was really bad that i didn't even feel pain, and that was when I cut my wrist for the first time with my blade, in school. I didn't feel it, but I watched the blood pour, and that was satisfying enough, one slip and I'd die...But I didn't care, if I died the it ended the torture and if it didn't then life goes on, it was a win win either way.

My parents took me to CAMHS and the school was getting the message that maybe I wasn't alright, but that didn't stop them, I was the one who had to cope, the school was doing ###$ all to help and I never have fully recovered. I left school a pessimistic, emotionally cold mental wreck compared to when I first started education there.

On a good note, me and my friend have recovered from the depression and are still friends. It would have been nicer if I didn't have to go through that, but I am who I am today and I have this experience to thank for it.

I'm glad you made it through that, SREDISKRAD. It's incredible how abusive children can be. And how much adults will turn a blind eye to.

One of my teachers was one of the Freedom Riders who engaged in civil rights protests at segregated dinners in South back in the 1960's. If what somebody is saying about you is wrong, you have the advantage over them in the long run because truth is on your side. How anybody feels about the truth is irrelevant because truth is not going to be changed by anybody's opinions about it. If what somebody says about you is true, there's no point in arguing with them or getting depressed about it. We are who we are and need to accept who we are no matter who we are or who we may one day become. Nobody has any right to be immune to criticism of who they are, although we all have a right to take civil actions against anybody who makes up malicious slander about us that is not who are. Immunity from all criticism is always ultimately bad for those protected by it because it puts them out of touch with reality behind a curtain of dishonest flattery. If you get violent with people for just saying what they think, they're still going to think it as well as considering you a violent person for getting violent with them. If you don't think a particular criticism is true, you shouldn't take it seriously because after all who knows more about you than you do? We are each the world's leading expert on ourselves because we've spent our whole life studying ourselves in intimate detail far beyond what anybody else could possibly know about us. Nobody knows what our strengths and weaknesses are better than we do.