Need help desperately.

I have successfully destroyed every relationship that has ever meant anything to me. I need help and I don't know how to find it. I've tried different medications but none seem to work. I've tried different therapists but none offer permanent changes or relief, just talk therapy. It helps to vent while I'm in therapy, but it doesn't help me control my emotions. I've destroyed my relationship with my daughter. She's afraid of me because of the things I say during my rages. They've been getting worse and worse. In the moment I don't know how to stop. I don't want to say the things I say, but it's like for a few minutes I'm not myself at all... like something takes over me. My daughter said once that she can't believe I'm the same person as the one that loves and supports her. I'm coming unraveled from a life lived as a high functioning, undiagnosed BPD. I feel like I used to be able to hold it together for longer periods of time... at work, in my casual friendships, etc. I'm tired of always being the one in my family that needs help and can't handle things. The one they all talk about like I'm some foreign entity and yet they've all got pieces of me in them. My mom has always suffered from the same symptoms, but doesn't see it and uses alcohol to try numb the symptoms.

What therapy will help? Is there any program in the country that successfully specializes in BPD therapy? What medications tend to help? I'm losing hope by the hour. I just can't live like this anymore. I can't hurt anyone else that I love.

Have you tried DBT therapy? That is the one therapy that is specifically designed for people with BPD. I know in some countries it can be difficult to find. If you feel up to learning some of the skills on your own there are some helpful websites such as www.dbtselfhelp.com You could also search the web for more and there are also many books you can purchase through Amazon. We also have an Official DBT thread found here borderline-personality/topic98539.html on the forum where you can ask questions to help you gain a better understanding of how to apply the skills to your life.

As for medications, they're a trial and error type of thing. There are a lot of medications out there and it can take a long time to find the right combination for you. I know it took me over 10 years to find my current medication combination, and it has certainly been the most helpful so far. Some people respond really well to SNRI's some to mood stabilizers, and some to the antipsychotic medication, so like I said, really hit or miss. I will say however that if your problem is more with interpersonal skills (how you interact with others) then medication isn't going to help that. It may help reduce the rages that you mentioned to some extent, but it's not going to stop you from getting triggered and responding. I know I still occasionally go on rages even being properly medicated when I'm triggered. (this is the debate of whether or not medication is even helpful for people with BPD) For me, the most helpful thing has been DBT for learning the interpersonal skills and learning what to do when triggered/preventing getting triggered, but it's different for everyone.