Good to be back

by **Angelene** » Fri Oct 19, 2012 1:42 am

It's been a long time since I was last here and a lot has happened since. The main reason I stopped using this forum was because I felt "fake" given that I was undiagnosed at the time and that I never "belonged" here. But now I am, after attempting to end my life. I suspected BPD for a while but was never keen on self-diagnosing so when it was confirmed, there was this bit of relief that I actually knew myself and that it wasn't just depression as many GPs were leading me to believe.

I am now due to start on Lamotrigine (well I was supposed to take it tonight but I've been delaying doing so as I feel even more anxious about it than when I took antidepressants.) The psychiatrist and the rest of the team are also devising a treatment plan in terms of therapy and crisis support. I am glad they involved me throughout the whole thing so far and they weren't patronising at all which was one of many worries.

The level of support I received from the NHS thus far has been great. Even more surprising was the support of my friends. They took it really well and they seem a bit more attuned. I had hoped it would be the same with my parents but things don't always go as you please, do they?

Whatever happens from hereon, I know it will be far from a smooth and steady ride and it will take time but I feel I am now ready to battle for recovery. I also suspect that this forum will be a huge source of motivation and support.

So yeah, it's good to be back.

Not been on here for a while, but thought would update on the predictability of my exbpd. Over twelve weeks of no physical contact and have managed to keep NC from my side and low contact if contacted by her. But the predictability cycle learned from this forum is beginning to show itself. Going from random e mails giving me updates of her life to now overstepping the boundaries of contacting me via text and arriving unannounced at my place of work. I do not see the value in being nasty towards her and use the skills and the knowledge gained through this forum in dealing with her. Understanding the cycles/hoovering of bpd helps to see what is possibly coming next. First two weeks of NC was hard but this forum helped me through it. Although it was about the fourth break up in two years understanding the car crash helped me get strong and onto the road to recovery. And like most nons people notice, someone commented that I had my smile back. Recent contact from my exbpd via text indicates that she is happy has heard I am happy and that she is glad for us both- we all know euphoria and will not last. People having to text exes to tell them they are happy is usually the opposite.
Anyway just an update on what is happening in my cycle with an exbpd, might help other nons and thanks to the forum and the posters for the knowledge skills and strength I now wear their armour as I move forward and rise above using any abuse or malice which at times if used causes more guilt towards the good guys.

by **MadMage** » Fri Oct 19, 2012 8:00 pm

I get the whole 'not sure you belong' thing, so I've been careful not to identify myself specifically as BPD despite being pretty sure because I honestly am not sure how that is viewed (and here I am asking in a sideways manner!). Since I am unable to seek professional help at the moment this place is actually helping a lot... so welcome back!

by **wineaux** » Fri Oct 19, 2012 8:23 pm

whiteknight6 wrote:Not been on here for a while, but thought would update on the predictability of my exbpd. Over twelve weeks of no physical contact and have managed to keep NC from my side and low contact if contacted by her. But the predictability cycle learned from this forum is beginning to show itself. Going from random e mails giving me updates of her life to now overstepping the boundaries of contacting me via text and arriving unannounced at my place of work. I do not see the value in being nasty towards her and use the skills and the knowledge gained through this forum in dealing with her. Understanding the cycles/hoovering of bpd helps to see what is possibly coming next. First two weeks of NC was hard but this forum helped me through it. Although it was about the fourth break up in two years understanding the car crash helped me get strong and onto the road to recovery. And like most nons people notice, someone commented that I had my smile back. Recent contact from my exbpd via text indicates that she is happy has heard I am happy and that she is glad for us both- we all know euphoria and will not last. People having to text exes to tell them they are happy is usually the opposite.
Anyway just an update on what is happening in my cycle with an exbpd, might help other nons and thanks to the forum and the posters for the knowledge skills and strength I now wear their armour as I move forward and rise above using any abuse or malice which at times if used causes more guilt towards the good guys.

hey whiteknight6...you might want to make your own thread in the non sub-forum here

don't want to hijack angelene's thread! :wink:

by **whiteknight6** » Fri Oct 19, 2012 10:08 pm

Not a problem wineaux, sorry

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