Do you ever fantasize about running away?

Yes.

An escape from everything that I don't want to deal with anymore. But running ain't living to me so I quickly dismiss. I cause my own problems, well my state does, so I confront it where I am as I'll only be running away from something that'll follow me wherever I go.

Ah ok. I guess for me running would be living. It would be getting up and running from something I dont want to something i do, but that's why i can't just get up and go, i have to know i stand a reasonable chance of trying to get it.

I have always had a desire to travel and I think I would like moving city to city. I like the idea of a fresh start and a clean slate (sort of). I also wonder sometimes like many of you said if anyone would care if I died, whether by suicide or a car wreck or something. Sometimes I have even thought that suicide would be a really mean way to get someone back once and for all for all the heartache they've caused me and they'd have to love forever knowing I did it because of them. But I always dismiss these thoughts and recognize them as depressive thoughts and I always think of my little boy and he pulls me up out of the slump.

Since a lot of you seem to be there, let me share a pearl gleaned from years of moving from city to city: it doesn't help anything. The people in the new place are copies of the ones form where you left. The location changes, but the problems follow. Running isn't a solution. In fact, I'd say it's detrimental... I've got no close contacts anymore because of it, no support system. This website and some guys I game with online (who are WAY to... well, the guild motto is "grow thick skin", which is probably why I've learned to be more resistant to my triggers) are pretty much all I've got right now keeping me company.

Often! I'd love to disappear to somewhere in the Caribbean or Central America. It appeals to me because their not as developed, and they're very tranquil to me. It'd be nice to just be lost somewhere..

a few months back I suddenly found myself overwhelmed by feelings of wanting to not only run away, but change my name and not tell anyone where I was going, and start over completely new. I even did some research and decided where I would go and started looking into apartments there and what the name changing process is like and etc. it was the first time in my whole life the thought of starting over was appealing. it faded away after a while though.