Binge-eating

Does anyone on here have an issue with this? I lost 50 pounds after having my son and was carefully monitoring my calories and diet and at a good weight. In the past 6 months, I have gained almost 20 lbs. back and I feel hungry all the time and almost compelled to eat. And then I feel really guilty and ashamed after...I wish I could go back to being in control and losing weight again, but this time I don't seem to be able to.

I know this is one of the DSM criteria along with spending, sex, etc. so I figured maybe some of you could relate. Please let me know if I should have posted this on the eating forum instead.

I struggle a lot with compulsive binge eating. I spent over a year starving myself, and then something seemed to switch in my brain and suddenly I was hoarding and binge eating food in secret. I always feel so ashamed when I do it, and I often starve myself in between in my guilt, or purge directly afterwards. I've put on a lot of weight and it's distressing because I have such a lot of body issues, but I'm not sure how to stop the cycle either. Just wanted you to know you're not alone in this, and perhaps if you have a therapist you should mention it to them.

Get into fitness just as much. The eating isn't necessarily the worst evil, it's having a sedentary lifestyle.

The other night I binged: 3 McDoubles, 2 Large Fries, 2 Baked Pies, 1 Large Soda...
All in one sitting, remarkably...I wasn't even full.

I do too.. Or did, for years.. almost 10 years.. but suddenly I stopped for 5 months.. now I'm beginning to do it again... as things are getting worse...

About five years ago I lost 40pounds, then gained it back in three months.. now I've lost about 80pounds, but worried I'm gaining it back too...

I go the other way, I only eat when my stomach begins to hurt (like now, come to think of it!) and as such I'm bordering on underweight - starting to dip near 170lbs on a 6'-4" frame. I'm to the point right now that I can't even eat a Jr Whopper and all of the fries (med) in a single sitting. I know that working and moving around will make me hungry more often so it tends to get better when I'm not out of work; still, I'd like to go back to doing heavy physical activity again. It felt great to realize I am a lot stronger than I thought I was and I feel better about myself for it.

Probably one of the only criteria that I had to scratch my head on was the 'compulsive behavior', lol... I do get addicted to video games and find myself playing them every waking moment, so that might count. I suppose my driving might be described as reckless as well, though I think of it as 'assertive'.

Cbear-I wish I could get into fitness just as much, but I think my anxiety and depression get in the way of it. I am unmotivate to leave the house sometimes when I am off work and I just feel fatigued and stressed all the time. I had a lot to do at work the other day and when I got off I just burst into tears and it took me hours to calm down and snap out of the anxiety attacks and I get so busy that when I finally have time to myself that I could exercise, I just don't feel up to it. I guess I am just lazy or unmotivated, I don't know.

Off and on throught the years I have went back and forth between very low-calorie, restricted diets to gorging myself...When I lost the 50 lbs. I stuck to an 800-1200 calorie diet for one whole year. (Not the healthiest approach, but it worked). The second I stop closely monitoring everything that goes into my mouth though, I gain! Then my self esteem gets so bad that I think I just give up. And then the binging starts...I can't say no when food is offered or when I see someone else eating, I have to eat.

Yesterday, I ate an egg sandwich, 2 slices of pizza, a bowl of beef stew, 2 slices of pumpkin cheesecake, soda, cookies, string cheese. It is just so nasty, but I can't stop. Every single day, I tell myself today is the last day. Tomorrow I will do better and not do this, but I can't help it.

I am not really fat yet, I am 155 lbs. but I feel like if I keep going the way I am, I will easily be at 180 next year. I was 135 6 months ago...none of my clothes fit anymore. I wear the same 2 pair of pants over and over and keep washing them because I am so self-conscious of anything too tight. It just seems like the problem is getting worse and worse. I eat until my stomach hurts and then I feel like I am hungry again 2 hours later. I hate it.

And I tried to talk to my therapist about it, but right now I feel I have so many issues to deal with and I only see him 45 minutes a week. It just isn't the priority at the moment. It is increasing my self-hatred though and my depression...

In the past, when I have felt like this I have been able to start dieting and been able to stick to it even if only for a few months. This time, I can't even start a diet and be on it for a day. I am compelled to eat and destroy myself. Have any of you overcame this without becomind obsessed with something new? Such as dieting or becoming fitness-obsessed? CBear are you able to maintain your level of fitness at a normal level or do you tend to throw yourself into it 100% and go overboard with it?

I've always been all or nothing with these things, but it worries me I can't stop myself this time.

-- Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:41 am --

MadMage wrote:Probably one of the only criteria that I had to scratch my head on was the 'compulsive behavior', lol... I do get addicted to video games and find myself playing them every waking moment, so that might count. I suppose my driving might be described as reckless as well, though I think of it as 'assertive'.

Haha that made me laugh. My driving is quite assertive as well. I tell people that it's not that I am a bad driver, I just drive fast I do a lot of weaving in and out of traffic and shout some choice words from time to time, but nothing too too crazy. I just have a lack of patience.

As far as you dealing with the opposite end of the spectrum with eating and being underweight, I have dealt with that as well. I go back and forth between these 2 extremes although I am much more satisfied when I am obsessed with not eating, because at least my issues are internal and I don't look awful to boot. ( I am very sorry if this triggers anyone, I am just trying to be honest) I wish I could be more active...I was very active in high school, but drinking and depression ruined that. I was starting to go to the gym a lot more and would constantly do fitness at home, but then when I had my baby boy, I got really busy and all that motivation flew out the window and I can't seem to get it back.

Well, it sounds weird but I've been trying to regulate my moods lately a bit with music - trying to find upbeat stuff instead of the usual 'screamo' (as my little brother calls it) that tends to channel my anger. I have to avoid certain music because of the 'sadness' response, lol...

Lately, I've been listening to this dubstep crap; I associate it with ravers and drug use, so I've hated this kind of music for years, but the tunes are catchy and energetic - worth trying if you need some motivation.

I've actually got my anti-trigger song linked in my signature. The lyrics are hard to hear if you're not used to this kind of music:

I will not relent, no, no;
Never live with defeat, never falter;
Just like the air that I breathe;
I will not choke on failure;
I will not choke on failure.

I am a mortal man;
But I'm not falling, I'm not broken yet;
I've never hurt so bad;
But I'll hold tight to my beliefs now.

I have suffered defeat, pain, loss;
Still I push to the edge, never falter;
For this cements my beliefs;
I'll remain my own master.

I will not relent, no, no;
Never suffer defeat, never falter;
For this cements my beliefs;
I will not choke on failure.

I am a mortal man;
But I'm not falling, I'm not broken yet;
I've never hurt so bad;
But I'll hold tight to my beliefs now.

I am a mortal man;
But I'm not falling, I'm not broken yet;
I've never hurt so bad;
But I'll hold tight to my beliefs now.

I will not relent;
I will not relent, no, no;
I will not relent;
Never suffer defeat, never falter;
I will not relent, no, no;
Never suffer, never falter;
I will not relent, no, no;
Never suffer, never falter.

ejodum wrote:Cbear-I wish I could get into fitness just as much, but I think my anxiety and depression get in the way of it. I am unmotivate to leave the house sometimes when I am off work and I just feel fatigued and stressed all the time. I had a lot to do at work the other day and when I got off I just burst into tears and it took me hours to calm down and snap out of the anxiety attacks and I get so busy that when I finally have time to myself that I could exercise, I just don't feel up to it. I guess I am just lazy or unmotivated, I don't know.

Off and on throught the years I have went back and forth between very low-calorie, restricted diets to gorging myself...When I lost the 50 lbs. I stuck to an 800-1200 calorie diet for one whole year. (Not the healthiest approach, but it worked). The second I stop closely monitoring everything that goes into my mouth though, I gain! Then my self esteem gets so bad that I think I just give up. And then the binging starts...I can't say no when food is offered or when I see someone else eating, I have to eat.

Yesterday, I ate an egg sandwich, 2 slices of pizza, a bowl of beef stew, 2 slices of pumpkin cheesecake, soda, cookies, string cheese. It is just so nasty, but I can't stop. Every single day, I tell myself today is the last day. Tomorrow I will do better and not do this, but I can't help it.

I am not really fat yet, I am 155 lbs. but I feel like if I keep going the way I am, I will easily be at 180 next year. I was 135 6 months ago...none of my clothes fit anymore. I wear the same 2 pair of pants over and over and keep washing them because I am so self-conscious of anything too tight. It just seems like the problem is getting worse and worse. I eat until my stomach hurts and then I feel like I am hungry again 2 hours later. I hate it.

And I tried to talk to my therapist about it, but right now I feel I have so many issues to deal with and I only see him 45 minutes a week. It just isn't the priority at the moment. It is increasing my self-hatred though and my depression...

In the past, when I have felt like this I have been able to start dieting and been able to stick to it even if only for a few months. This time, I can't even start a diet and be on it for a day. I am compelled to eat and destroy myself. Have any of you overcame this without becomind obsessed with something new? Such as dieting or becoming fitness-obsessed? CBear are you able to maintain your level of fitness at a normal level or do you tend to throw yourself into it 100% and go overboard with it?

I've always been all or nothing with these things, but it worries me I can't stop myself this time

Hey hun,

I understand the depression and anxiety. I understand the feeling of being stuck. I've been there.
In my mind, this is me being the worlds b*tch. That I soak in all the negative energy of the world. That I am pushed into a corner.
You need to assert yourself, and push that energy out, expel what negative energy you have in you and keep it away.
No better way of doing this than exercising. You push stress out, you eliminate toxins, you have good endorphins flowing...this is a much better and more promising environment for your body.

So that being said, I understand completely out of my own experience where you are coming from. But like Nike says "Just do it". F*ck any negative thought, just force yourself every time. 5 days per week of cardio. Find things along the way to motivate, like music. Pick different paths to run, spice it up. Just do it Hun, you can, you just have to stop yourself from stopping yourself, just lace up those shoes and walk out that door and start going.

That diet was indeed unhealthy. You don't need such a big caloric deficit.

I went to school to be a fitness professional, was even doing some body building about a year ago. If you want, perhaps I can help you out a bit with general stuff to keep the weight off.
I'd need to know your current weight, height, age. If you're willing, send that in PM.

A lot of things are black and white to me. Like eating a bag of chips, if I know I can only get a couple, keep em, f*ck it. If I can only have sex with a girl once, I wont bother making much effort, I want to have things forever.
When it came to fitness, I wasn't obsessed in an unhealthy way but I've been very into it. And no, I became educated on what is need, it's easy to get lost and go overboard when you don't know what you're doing. Some tend to think at that point the more I do the better, but that's definitely not the case. There's a science and by going overboard you are just going to "overtrain" burn yourself out and lose motivation. It will take a turn into the negative, while you bust your butt off just to be counter-productive.

I deal with eating or starving. Right now, though, I am sort of in the process of starving. I ate a small sandwich, less than a small bowl of rice, and two tinny meat patties. And a soda. That's all I have eaten. Although, most of that food was eaten at once.

I've been doing this a lot recently. It's a bitch due to the fact that I'm also on Olanzapine which makes you put on weight. Instead of feeling like typically self harming I've just been grabbing at junk food when my mood hits a real low point - which I didn't use to do. I need to get it sorted. Thankfully I'm seeing the psychiatrist next week so hopefully she can offer some advice.