I don't know how to make myself feel again

this is the problem... I don't feel that I have any control over any of this. I can't make money magically appear, I've been job hunting, handing out resumes, doing research to find out who's actually currently hiring, there's not much more I can do. I'm helpless as to how to fix my problem of not feeling anything, I have no control over how little hours I'm getting at both my jobs, I can't change what happened with the friend that I love so deeply, I can't bring my other friend back to life to tell him how sorry I am that I just held a grudge against him for certain behaviours instead of trying to help him like I've always liked to think I would do because I care about people and want to help them... I can't think of a single thing that I can do about anything. I'm completely helpless and useless.

Hey, I have no idea if this is going to help or make your situation any easier for you.

I was in a very similar situation to this, a while ago when my boyfriend of 8 months split up with me in December 2011.

You pointed out that you and your ex were fighting all the time, you felt unwanted and etc. You, moved onto somebody else because you wanted to feel what you hadn't felt in a while - it became unique to you. Then obviously, you realized that he did not want what you wanted, and you became upset and withdrew yourself from him - a common thing that people with BPD do when they're upset.

I think what's going on with you is the fact that you've built up and built up so much emotion and so much disappointment that you just turned off, which is what I did. You cannot force yourself to start feeling emotions, however you can try slowly and gently applying it to your every day life.

I think the best thing to do, is talk to your ex about how you feel. Don't worry about an adverse reaction, it's important you get his help and his guidance. It'll make you feel so much better, eventually after all that pressure has loosened up you'll find that your feelings just start emerging again like mine.

I really really hope you feel better soon.

rainbow_sprinkles wrote:I can't just sit around and wait for life to get better when the very core of me that makes me who I am is gone. I don't know if you can comprehend how hugely this is affecting me. I DON'T FEEL LIKE ME. it's like I've gone to sleep and I'm just a walking shell with nothing inside and I don't know how to wake myself up

I'd need the solution to this as well. I don't really have any further suggestion.

But I want to let you know, you aren't alone on the "not being able to feel love so much anymore"...
The past 2 years have been a weird experience. As though I thought things couldn't get any worse now I feel...somewhat numb to feeling love. And also sex, not nearly as much feeling as I used to have.
It's quite the difference from before, before both were like a tremendous ecstacy, so it really does feel like I've gone from 1000 to 1.

I really would suggest that running though, try it out and see if it works.
When the world tries to crush you, sometimes you gotta push it the f*ck back...use that as motivation.

Lilith-Rose wrote:Hey, I have no idea if this is going to help or make your situation any easier for you.

I was in a very similar situation to this, a while ago when my boyfriend of 8 months split up with me in December 2011.

You pointed out that you and your ex were fighting all the time, you felt unwanted and etc. You, moved onto somebody else because you wanted to feel what you hadn't felt in a while - it became unique to you. Then obviously, you realized that he did not want what you wanted, and you became upset and withdrew yourself from him - a common thing that people with BPD do when they're upset.

I think what's going on with you is the fact that you've built up and built up so much emotion and so much disappointment that you just turned off, which is what I did. You cannot force yourself to start feeling emotions, however you can try slowly and gently applying it to your every day life.

I think the best thing to do, is talk to your ex about how you feel. Don't worry about an adverse reaction, it's important you get his help and his guidance. It'll make you feel so much better, eventually after all that pressure has loosened up you'll find that your feelings just start emerging again like mine.

I really really hope you feel better soon.

I have to be honest and say that a small part of the reason I was finally able to end things with the ex was out of excitement to be able to see the friend again, to pick up our sexual relationship where we'd left off before the ex asked to be monogamous. I just wanted to connect with someone who understands me and my emotions and pain. I've always felt that one of the biggest reasons there's an emotional disconnect between me and the ex is because he simply cannot understand me. he's never been through anything. he doesn't know what depression feels like, how it feels to want to die, to be on meds, any of it. the connection with the friend was already unique, had been from day one.

I told my ex how I've been feeling a couple of days ago. got sick of trying to figure it all out on my own and told him and my best friend both in the same day. he doesn't know how to help me though, all he can ever think to say is that he's here for me and we'll get me through whatever's going on together. I just don't find that helpful. he never has actual advice, never asks me questions to help me figure things out myself the way my best friend does, nothing. more often than not he'll just stare at me and then when I blow up at him for saying nothing he just says he doesn't know what to say. hence why him not understanding me is a big problem.

that said, I appreciate your post, its kinda comforting to hear that someone else has experienced something similar and came out of it okay.

-- Mon Oct 15, 2012 2:32 pm --

CBear wrote:I'd need the solution to this as well. I don't really have any further suggestion.

But I want to let you know, you aren't alone on the "not being able to feel love so much anymore"...
The past 2 years have been a weird experience. As though I thought things couldn't get any worse now I feel...somewhat numb to feeling love. And also sex, not nearly as much feeling as I used to have.
It's quite the difference from before, before both were like a tremendous ecstacy, so it really does feel like I've gone from 1000 to 1.

I really would suggest that running though, try it out and see if it works.
When the world tries to crush you, sometimes you gotta push it the f*ck back...use that as motivation.

thanks for sharing your experience with me.... the only somewhat physical thing I do besides walking (I don't drive so I walk a lot) is spinning poi. but I can only do a few basic moves and it's kinda boring to have plateau'd so I don't do it much, I always pick it up more in the summer coz spinning poi in the sunshine is awesome, but in winter I rarely touch them. maybe I'll have to force myself to do that more. I think I probably have room to spin inside in my new suite which is good since fuzzy poi don't stand up well in the rain lol.

I really suck at getting up and fighting back when I constantly feel I'm being pushed down over and over. my depression causes me to just get into bed and hide from it. I have no motivation. for like.... anything. ever. I'm a horribly lethargic person I wish so badly I wasn't but it's always been that way

This has happened to me several times over the years actually. I think I give so much of myself to so many people that I go numb for a while. Honestly this may not be what you want to hear, but once I have had this happen in a relationship it never goes back to being the same. I have tried and tried to get those feelings back but they never return. I, too have a high sex drive and am very affectionate and loving, but once this has been turned off (whether on purpose or not) I can't get it back. You can go through the motions, but you find yourself feeling nothing when you are hugged, maybe even almost repulsed when you are touched and when you see your sex drive is leaving and you're unable to reach orgasm anymore. Then you have probably reached a point of no return. Usually the only thing that has helped me in these situations is some sort of temporary relief, like a rebound. As far as the finances go, I was unemployed all summer long and on the point of breaking and I had zero luck with callbacks and just now got hired in September off a post I answered on Craigslist so maybe try there.

I sense your desperation and I know you are under a great deal of stress and it seems like there is still some love for your ex as the person and you still need him in some ways, but it seems as if the passion and intensity has left and I don't really know of a healthy suggestion to get this back. For me, I have always returned to unhealthy quick fixes or plummeted into depression.

You have experienced some tremendous loss and some rejection lately too, so maybe time will heal, as cheesy as that probably sounds. I don't think you have permanently lost your ability to feel though.

ejodum wrote:This has happened to me several times over the years actually. I think I give so much of myself to so many people that I go numb for a while. Honestly this may not be what you want to hear, but once I have had this happen in a relationship it never goes back to being the same. I have tried and tried to get those feelings back but they never return. I, too have a high sex drive and am very affectionate and loving, but once this has been turned off (whether on purpose or not) I can't get it back. You can go through the motions, but you find yourself feeling nothing when you are hugged, maybe even almost repulsed when you are touched and when you see your sex drive is leaving and you're unable to reach orgasm anymore. Then you have probably reached a point of no return. Usually the only thing that has helped me in these situations is some sort of temporary relief, like a rebound. As far as the finances go, I was unemployed all summer long and on the point of breaking and I had zero luck with callbacks and just now got hired in September off a post I answered on Craigslist so maybe try there.

I sense your desperation and I know you are under a great deal of stress and it seems like there is still some love for your ex as the person and you still need him in some ways, but it seems as if the passion and intensity has left and I don't really know of a healthy suggestion to get this back. For me, I have always returned to unhealthy quick fixes or plummeted into depression.

You have experienced some tremendous loss and some rejection lately too, so maybe time will heal, as cheesy as that probably sounds. I don't think you have permanently lost your ability to feel though.

it's never happened to me before. if anything I often wish I could stop feeling because I'm always giving so much of myself that I never seem to get the same amount back.

I honestly can't stand the thought of having to start all over again with someone new. to have to go through them finding out I'm batshit crazy, and the chances of finding someone else who won't run from it seem so small. I'm less than 2 1/2 years from turning 30, and I want to be settling down soon. I want a house and a marriage and babies and financial comfort and these are all things my ex can give me. our kids would even have real, decent grandparents, because he at least has a good family, while mine is ###$ and I don't speak of most of them. they would have a chance at getting his genes instead of mine and turning out okay instead of completely ###$ up. it seems like I have so many logical reasons why sticking this relationship out would be such a good thing for me. to have to start again and just hope that I find someone that I can have all this with... it seems like it would be impossible, or at least take so much longer. I don't know how much longer I'm willing to wait. I just want to not be lost anymore. I want that solid, stable life. I need it. I can't keep floundering all by myself.