Is my ex girlfriend BPD? *TW*

Leesal,

You deserve better than her. She "loved you" as long as you were just the way she wanted you. She sounds childish, bratty, selfish, manipulative, uncaring, disrepectful, ..........

I wish I had more words...........

She is a "train wreck".

Her "love" is very conditional!

She "loved you" as long as you were her puppet or slave or whatever, but you did
not have basic human rights. so when you tried to stand up for yourself she had to
put you down......

Then she had to punish you with silence.......

You deserve real love.........keep looking!

thanks for your comments :p I do tend to agree.

But I still have a few questions...

1. Is it easy for borderlines to feel emotionally crowded?
Most people I spoke to said that if their long-term partner hurt them, and they hastily broke up with them- they'd be offended if that person didn't try to apologise or call to rectify. They may have said "leave me alone!!" but not entirely meant it. But my ex wanted to be left alone and after I try to apologize and explain (with a hearfelt letter etc) and discuss it further, she changes her number and blocks me on facebook. That to me, is not a normal response.

2. Is it possible for an ex who has split you black, to ever split you white? what would it take?


3. Is it normal for borderlines to convince their friends and families that the person they have painted black is a horrible person worthy of being cut off? ie.. her friend/flat mate abused me on the phone recently when I was trying to get my stuff returned and my ex didn't respond for weeks.

LeesaL wrote:1. Is it easy for borderlines to feel emotionally crowded?

It's not exactly emotionally crowded we experience on average. It's more of an emotional overload. Think of a computer, for example. You know when you have like 1o+ programs up and you keep on opening more and more? Eventually, the computer freezes. And if you ignore that and continue opening up programs, the computer will ultimately get damaged.

Sort of the same thing that happens with BPD. Emotionally, we re taking so much in and we have a hard time dealing with all of our emotions. We just get overwhelmed with emotions that we can act very cold and distant towards many people.

What you and other nons may view our behavior as abnormal and illogical, it does actually hold logic when you search for it, at least that's how I have come to view it. I know that my behavior is can be very out there and be an over-reaction. But I am able to understand why it is, and try to see if I can find a way to resolve the problem, may it be through talking or just flat out thinking about other things.

2. Is it possible for an ex who has split you black, to ever split you white? what would it take?

Yes. It is very possible to have splitting a person black to view them in white again. And depending with each person, it's very different. For me, when it comes to my boyfriend, I am going through a very hard time splitting him black. I don't want to, but a lot of the times, some of his actions does have that effect on me. I know that usually the reason for that is because I may feel like he's ignoring me, or he may have said or done something very small and did not think it was a big deal.

But for him, when he does something that I normally view as white, it tends to be enough for me to actually stop viewing him so negatively.

I think it's different for every person, personally.

3. Is it normal for borderlines to convince their friends and families that the person they have painted black is a horrible person worthy of being cut off? ie.. her friend/flat mate abused me on the phone recently when I was trying to get my stuff returned and my ex didn't respond for weeks.

It can be. Most information you will find about BPD states that we are master manipulators. But the truth behind that is, most of the time, we are unaware of our own manipulation. So it is very possible for a person with BPD to actually manipulate others into thinking an other person is "evil". Especially if these people have never really met or spoken to the person who is being painted black.

thanks for your replies.

But is it truly possible for a BPD to paint you 'white' after they change their number and delete you off facebook?

It seems so extreme to me...

Our argument was basically over me saying she was too defensive and snappy when I ask her why she changes her opinions on things.

The method I chose to resort to (text messaging after she didn't get it over the phone) was not good- that's my bad.

But, does anyone else see the weird irony that someone would break up with you and get extremely defensive AFTER you tell them they are being too defensive and changeable?

It can happen. But I wouldn't hold your breath.

I don't see the irony. I see criticism, judgement.

The way you've been going about it, through my own eyes, was the wrong way...completely.

It sounds like you would constantly attack her. That's not to say that the idea of problem solving is a bad one as communication is key in any partnership. It's just the way you did it. In the "conflict solving equation" you were the fighter. She was the retaliator.

CBear: I
don't think I 'constantly' attacked her. I don't think you can make such a statement when you were not in the relationship. Nor even a close observer.

I am naturally a calm and tolerant person. But I was walking on eggshells with my ex- and that gets tiring.

I could never say anything or even ask her why she has changed her mind on something without her snapping or getting terribly upset. Yet, she could tell me off, question me and assert herself in any way she chose. Where is the fairness in that?

You could argue that I should have been more patient or sensitive to her sensitivites-but I got sick of being a doormat. And yes, one day I had a spat and got very annoyed at her. Which is rare for me.

And I got dumped for it. Well, there you go.

Was it like this since the very beginning of the relationship?

It'd seem to me like something that would develop, well...for both of you.

And if she was indeed like this since the beginning of the relationship, my question is why would you have wanted to stay around?

Well I am quite a shy person and tend to like peace. In the first year together my ex would comment how nice I was to be around. All of her other exes were so "opinionated" and aggressive and loud. She also told me how safe and loved she felt with me- that she knew I was truly devoted. She even told me I was her true love early on.

But i started to notice she would say many odd and inappropriate things and overshare what her exes did to her. I'd tend to let it go and pick my battles.

But then I started to become less shy and more assertive. This tends to happen once I get really close to someone.

And I truly believe when we had that fight where I left her house ( only cos I didn't want to stay overnight when upset)- she felt, for the first time, unsafe. She may have seen rejection coming and thought I could possibly leave her. I remember her panic attack and crying plus telling me how she once almost got raped- seemed a bit extreme.

And from there onwards, I could never really challenge her or say anything negative (even about her flat mate leaving meat out every night without covering it) without her snapping.

Just feels like she idolised me when I was quiet and didn't say much.

She always told me she was a sensitive person. When she was a kid she suffered separation anxiety and would never eat much. Then she was bullied. I think she held on to a lot of childhood angst.

Hmm, yes that situation sounds like the "big hit".

It seems confusing but this may be what shattered the "wall". It unearthed everything, the emotions. Think of her having been on pilot before, then it ignited and remained.

How far along in your relationship was this? Can I take a guess and say 1-3 months? Or was it further along?