Newlywed blues

Hey everyone, I'm new here. My name is Braden. I'm 22 years old and as of july, I'm a married man!
I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 19. The psychologist I saw was for other reasons - I also have gender identity disorder, which has since been taken care of.

I never really got seen to about BPD, it was basically a diagnosis and that was that. I have spent since then just kind of living with it and keeping my distance from relationships.

I have managed to find a tactic that works for me when I'm going through the motions, which is to stay away from everyone, going for a walk to an unpopulated place or sitting in an empty room until i just zone out, and eventually, I become me again and I'm ready to interact with the world again. When my wife and I met and moved in together I explained this to her and she was totally fine with it.
My explanation was along the lines of; "sometimes, I get in a fowl mood where I can't communicate with people. When that happens, i go off on my own for a little while until I feel back to normal. Please be assured that you most likely won't have caused the situation, it's just my BPD, so don't feel like you are at fault."

Sounds great right? I can let my mind do its thing, without it becoming harmful to other people. They don't even have to know something is wrong. Except. My wife has since changed her mind about my method and does the exact opposite of anything I ask when I'm unstable. If I say let me go, she blocks my exit, if I say don't touch me, she touches me and sits as close as she can to make me uncomfortable. She forces me to make eye contact, forces me to talk about what is wrong when most of the time, my mind is empty and I can't even form words.

She is autistic, and so she does things which trigger me very easily without even knowing it. So all of a sudden, we're in a brawl because she's not picking up on my warning signs and then she won't back off when I'm desperate and begging for her to.
I've tried being calm, I've tried so many ways to explain but she just isn't getting it. She says she doesn't understand it and therefore won't let me do my thing.

The scenario is always the same. I'm not in the mood for people, or i'm just trying to read, or basically, anything for myself, and she is being needy and I have to drop everything I'm doing. She expects me to run around for her and I just get worn out from it. Which, I find cute sometimes and I don't mind putting things on hold while we play or watch really bad TV shows. But sometimes, I really just need to be by myself and I get hammered for trying to stand up for myself.
This is the point where she should let me walk out... But instead of letting me just walk off to cool down, which would take like 10 minutes, she imprisons me in the same room as her and interrogates me about what is wrong. This makes things so much more intense and harder for me to deal with. She gets so angry and so sarcastic with me. When I try to tell her how I feel, she belittles me, mocking what I say as if it's pathetic and unimportant. But when I call her out on it and say it doesn't help, she throws the whole "I'm autistic, I dont understand people!", "you don't know what's going on inside my head!" stuff in my face.

These fights are on almost a daily basis now and I can't deal with it. I don't know how to explain to her what is going on with me because I just feel dead inside.

We have talked many times when we're both calm. I've said "it's like blowing air into a balloon. eventually you're going to blow too much air in and the balloon is going to pop". She says she understands this, but she what doesn't understand is when she's putting just too much air.
I can put my hands on her face, look her straight in the eye and warn her multiple times, that she needs to stop.
I've tried asking her what's inside her head, all I get is "mice." literally, every damn time she says mice.
I would say the cause of 70% of our fights are because she's not understanding me and my patience is wearing really thin.
She complains that I don't understand her, but I do. I know she needs to just be herself and I know she isn't doing things to piss me off on purpose. But there's only so much I can take before it's draining me to a point where I have to stand up for myself.
Just now she said I need to compromise because she won't change. She said her method is to manipulate people so they can better themselves. But, that is exactly what makes things worse. Apparently the compromise is that I need to tell her "I'm in a mood, I'm going off on my own" but by that point, I can't communicate. I just tried explaining that and I've been told to "get the ###$ out of my face"
:/ it's the same vicious cycle over and over. She's making me feel like I'm acting this way on purpose and all I'm trying to do is explain how I feel so she can understand.

Wow, what a difficult situation. My BPD DH and I have always had a hard time dealing with our emotions and closeness during conflict and I don't have autism. My mother may be somewhere on that spectrum, so I may have some added difficulty with being comforting and reading DH's emotions before it's too late. I would think you would need to work with a counselor who is experienced with both disorders, so they can help you communicate. As someone with BPD, you demand above average sensitivity and emotional skills, and your wife because of her own disabilities would be challenged by even dealing with a "normal" relationship.

Hi I've been diagnosed with BPD and am in DBT therapy right now for my second month. Have you tried splashing cold water on your face or ducking your head under cold water while holding your breath? This tricks the body into thinking that it is diving into water and resets the brain. I use it when I am having a major freak out session.

I live with people who have emotional issues as well so when I try and just dont say anything for fear of ruining things it just makes it worse for me. Communication is important and I have only been able to do that since DBT therapy.

Hi guys, thank you for your input I havent tried the water thing but I'll give it a go next time!
I'm getting to the stage of just sucking up what i feel isn't justified to save us arguing lol.