desperatly needing support

hi, im new to the forum, ive been reading some of the posts here and cant believe how that there's somewhere that actually seems to undertsand the things that i experience, i am soooo glad......

atm, im struggling with every day life, i just want to curl up and die. im constantly fearing abandonment, and feeling lonely and empty these feelings are just so overwhelming that i just feel the need to cut, i so desperatly dont want to be here anymore but cant act on that cos i have a 10 year old son and i just couldnt do that to him, so i cut instead. i keep having things tell me that i should cut and that things are happening, then its like something else tells me that the other voice is lieing and just trying to wind me up, except theyre not voices i dont hear them from the outside, its so hard to explain, but i feel the need to cover my ears and close my eyes to try and get rid of it. i feel like im going mad. one min i can be fine then the next min i have these things going on in my head again. nobody knows about this and i dont want to tell anyone. people know that i cut and they know i feel depressed sometimes, but it feels like no one really cares theyre just too caught up in their own lifes.
i feel so lonely sometimes i just cry, i cry in the car, in the shower, on the settee, in bed. i just hate it.
i hate the conflict of wanting to be on my own but then not, i hate feeling so confused about everything. the only thing that makes me feel better is cutting.

i get angry and upset and end up crying uncontrollably, and shaking and i dont really remember what happened, i usually cut when im like that too. i just feel like a china doll that keeps getting dropped and broken, i feel like if i get dropped one last time i'll just break completley. i hate me.

broken,

have you been diagnosed, and to see a professional?

the urge to cut is closely related to the food disorders. it is often seen w/ people with a lot of childhood trauma that are DID or DDNOS.

I do not know about co-morbid angles with being BPD.

It a good sign that you are here reaching out. Try and be kind to yourself, and keep trying.

W

hi, thanks or your reply, yes i was diagnosed about 4 years ago with bpd and ptsd, at the time i got "some" help but it felt like professionals saw me as a lost cause, i have never heard of ddnos, what is that????

Broken - (HUG)

The feelings that you desribe I get as well. From minute to minute my midset can totally change, I really envy people that have a 'normal' brain and can see things rationally!

I also haven't told anyone about my BDP, I have other conditions like depression and Social anxiety disorder which maybe about 3 people know about, mainly family but BDP on top of that I just don't think they'd understand.

What do you mean professionals saw you as a lost cause? On the few occasions I had therapy I got a bit out of it in the short term but I don't think I was being honest with them really so I'd probably have to give it another go.

Anyway at least you've found this board now and can find a bit of comfort in that,

i have all the same feelings as you aswell except i have attention seeking tendancies too so people say its borderline or histrionic or a mix of both!! Ive not yet been diagnosed. if you can please read my other messages in this room it will tell you more about me and tell me what you think?? i know how horrible it feels

We are not just responsible for the things we do, but also the things we Don't Do!

In my situation, I was diagnosed with BPD over 3 years ago. I managed my life as much and as best as I could until 3 weeks ago, when I started to have panic-attacks and alot of them. I was desperate for help especially as I ended up in the hospital twice.

I found a website www.panic-attacks.com and found a world of new resources that could help me with my distorted thoughts, panic attacks and gave me 'real' hope that I would get better.

I too have had a rack of bad events in my life, but I won't get into that because it validates my negative thoughts and forces me to have panic attacks, when in fact I shouldnt be having them. In my opinion, we are responsible for the panic, we are the creators and until we understand that, we are stuck in a terrible place, BUT I am doing well and anyone can do it. I have even talked about decreasing my medication, as I gain strenght and courage to face my fears *however bad they are* and disarm the fear completely.

In the method pack I got, there are some really great excercises and music to go with it, I listen to 10 minutes of it and I fall asleep. I would rather do that, then sit and worry about nothing and end up permanently in hospital.

I boil it down to bad habits that are learned through life, which ARE reversable. We have to love ourselves to help ourselves. Giving yourself a label (BPD) won't help you, it just validates your bad habits and eats at you every single day, take away the label and give yourself hope and new reasons to live and enjoy what you dreamed of doing is the difference between fight or flight.

If anyone has ever experienced a panic attack, they are the only qualified people to understand me and I them. I am open to your opinion and if you are still having panic attacks, I can help you seriously. 3 weeks ago was my last panic attack, it can be yours today too.

I am now looking at changing my lifestyle, my diet and my attitude. This seems to be the only direction that I can go get a grip on my life and save my from the hell hole of a label which longterm could have made me worse off.

I am glad so many of you are using the flashchat I built. Do any of you meet or do you enter when it is empty or when Alice is there?

PoisonOakley

PoisonOakley2 wrote:[b]We have to love ourselves to help ourselves.

I couldn't agree with you more!

the problem is, how do you love yourself? how do you change what's been a way of survival for so many years?

in basic i think it all comes down to loving yourself. whether it's about self-injury, depression, (not) eating, or whatever. but the point is that these things help you get through the hard times. it your body and minds self defence mechanism.

and how do you break down a mechanism as strong as that?

In order to be successful, you have to do what you haven't done before. It took me along time to realise that what I was doing was wrong. A diagnoses gave me a label, and every time I thought about that label it validated it again and again and again. I'm sorry but I don't want to be stuck in a box or have a label for the rest of my life because of a few bad habits. I want to strive to succeed and win over whatever has pulled me down all this time. It's both flight and fight. My way is to let go of the things that have consistantly pulled me down "constant automatic negative thinking", "procrastination" and "feeling sorry for myself", "not wanting to feel responsible for the things I didn't and should have done" to name a few.

To change what you have learned and which has been a way of your life, you must do what you have not done before and for example to relearn and reteach yourself out of the bad habits. If you have taken so long to mess yourselve up, then it will take all your time to undo yourself from what you have become. You need to have the willingness to want to change unless you like having a label, then there is no "real" help for you besides useless amounts of medication, doctors bills and psychotherapy until you realize the other side of life which could take YEARS!

It is important to reconnect with your inner self and take control of your thoughts. I found meditation to be a great source of connecting into my inner self. I listen also to relaxation music before I go to bed, which helps me relax and get a relaxing good night sleep. Meditation instead of medication is what I recommend. Don't fool yourself thinking that medication is only going to help me! Your Wrong! It only blankets your problem and sweeps it under the carpet.

It took a while to get used to the quietness while meditating, and some of my thoughts were scary, but the more I ignored them and let them float away, the more I felt I was controlling what was coming into my head, rather than my head telling me what I have to think or believe. After a couple of sessions, it becomes a place where I can rethink, restructure and reteach what my body, mind and spirit needs. All of us are all too busy in our daily lifes to stop and sit for atleast 20 minutes, light a candle and connect, connect to your breathing, connect to yourself, now that is a way to love yourself. You can even have insense it you want to make it a bigger deal. The more you look after your mind, the more your body will look after you. Thats loving yourself. Whehter you are a man or a woman, we are all unique, but we all share the same need. Love! and lots of it. Even when you dont get it from someone else, give it to yourself and then you wont feel the need for others to smother you or accept you, because you are within at peace.

My question is, why settle to just survive in your life. It means that your not really in a healthy mental state, consistantly stuggling and finding it hard to keep a happy & fulfilling thought. Why life like that for the rest of your life. Making the choice not to accept it, makes it easier for you to see a different side of your existance, your purpose in life. I am not that religious but now and again I try to connect with some light hearted prayers, it helps me deal with situations that go beyond my minds capability and just give it up to God. I know and feel in my heart that we were not put on this Earth to struggle 24/7. Maybe so, but I am certainly not wanting to.

I know that when we are children, we dont learn about coping with life, we dont learn to deal with stress or know what to do in case of bad events in our lives. In fact people dont want to talk about it. They prefer to sweep it under the carpet and wait for another day for it to come out, in the form of self abuse, eating disorders, depression etc If we equipped our minds with effective meaningful tools that helped us to express ourselves, then the world would be a different place.

Of course there will be hard times, but we can prevent the worst by helping ouselves beat stress, which is the core of all mental problems. The more you listen to what your body needs, you will shine like a bright star and take every challenge with confidence because you are prepared but if you fail, you still now your still standing because your going to try until you succeed.
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Yes, yes. I feel just the same. Anyone out there now???

I'm really new to this too. Don't even know how to put up a post message. Am feeling so bad, can anyone out there help me? We ARE talking about Borderline, are we? Jesus, forgive me, help someone, please reply fast, coz I'm banging my head again and might hopefully be the end of this suffering for others becoz of me.