Splitting and control?

So those fellow BPD-ers, I'd like to ask if you've ever split anyone from black to white in your lives. Also, do you have any control over the splitting event? For example, can you feel that " it's coming " so you can warn someone beforehand? What things help you in avoiding splitting, or in accepting a person who's been split black (but shouldn't have been)? Thanks !

arfin25 wrote:So those fellow BPD-ers, I'd like to ask if you've ever split anyone from black to white in your lives. Also, do you have any control over the splitting event? For example, can you feel that " it's coming " so you can warn someone beforehand? What things help you in avoiding splitting, or in accepting a person who's been split black (but shouldn't have been)? Thanks !

1. YES
2. NO...maybe? ish?
3. i wish i knew!! i wish there was a splitting fountain that i could go drink out of so i could stop it
4. i have only split those (but shouldn't have) because they erased me from their lives, so it's better for me to hate them then to pine away with glimmers of hope that something may change in the future

how's dat?

Yes, pretty regularly. I'm really terrible with finding something I don't like and not being able to talk to that person anymore, I have no control over it for the most part. Sometimes I can say "you're doing this and it's making me feel like this", but most of the time it's like my brain just says no, and I cant continue the relationship. I've cut people out of my life for ridiculous reasons. :/

Saxen wrote:Yes, pretty regularly. I'm really terrible with finding something I don't like and not being able to talk to that person anymore, I have no control over it for the most part. Sometimes I can say "you're doing this and it's making me feel like this", but most of the time it's like my brain just says no, and I cant continue the relationship. I've cut people out of my life for ridiculous reasons. :/

I am much the same as you especially when it comes to meeting new people, even health professionals! My first impression decides whether i choose to get along with them or not, half the time i cant even explain why. But once i have decided thats it, i wont even speak to people who i have decided not to engage with nor will i look at them. Its such an uncomfortable feeling.

supressedemotions wrote:I am much the same as you especially when it comes to meeting new people, even health professionals! My first impression decides whether i choose to get along with them or not, half the time i cant even explain why. But once i have decided thats it, i wont even speak to people who i have decided not to engage with nor will i look at them. Its such an uncomfortable feeling.

Yup, I understand you there completely. Thankfully these days most of the people I 'meet' are on the internet so if I decide I dislike them I can just block them. Kinda wish real life was so easy, ha.
I feel guilty and unhappy that I do this crap and I wish I didn't, but I'd rather not have people in my life who make me feel bad or annoy me for whatever reason(s). Bah.

arfin25 wrote:So those fellow BPD-ers, I'd like to ask if you've ever split anyone from black to white in your lives. Also, do you have any control over the splitting event? For example, can you feel that " it's coming " so you can warn someone beforehand? What things help you in avoiding splitting, or in accepting a person who's been split black (but shouldn't have been)? Thanks !

I can feel it shift yes, but I can't really do much about it. My emotions are so intense at that point that it doesn't matter what the facts are; I'm angry/sad/empty/disappointed/etc and that's all that matters for about 20-30 minutes. So I can't really warn them. If I'm going to open my mouth to freak out at them, at that moment it's what I want. The best way I know how to manage it is to just leave and go for a walk for about 20 minutes. I've been told to just "sit on" it in that situation and to simply have no response. I can't do that, I've tried and I just get passive aggressive and distant.

My splitting is an in the moment kind of thing. Someone is critical of me; I yell at them or be disagreeable in some fashion. They're confused by the over-reaction; I storm out not understanding why people never match my level of intensity. 30 minutes to several hours later I'll come down from my anxious rage and realize I was rude for no real reason. I apologize and we move on. If they don't accept my apology I split on them again. It's different if they aren't loved by me to begin with; if I'm ambivalent about that person anyway I usually split and then push them away. The only people still in my life are family and a handful of friends that more or less said "nope.jpg I'm staying.".

I split constantly. I think I know when it's happening, but definitely not before it happens, which is with everything, all the time. It can be people or activities I'm doing. It's either all good, or all bad, no matter. *sigh * sure wish this didn't exist sometimes.

im good for it.. I still wont talk to my cousin after a major load of messed up went down whilst living with her.