Cannabis dependency

Hi everyone,

I wanted to make this thread to see if anyone else was in a similar situation to myself at the moment, or has been and could give me some advice or guidance because I'm seriously stuck/feeling completely alone in this.

I've smoked Cannabis on and off since I was 12, but much more heavily in the last two and a half years (I'm 21 now). It started off as a social thing and a way for my partner and I to 'connect' with the people we were going to be moving in with as they were heavy smokers, but after suffering what I can only describe as some sort of breakdown over my job, I withdrew completely and began to smoke every day and when my partner was at work - I of course being unemployed at this point. That's pretty much how it's been ever since.

I've tried to quit countless times but it doesn't work. I fly into mad rages and scream and cry like a child in a tantrum when I can't get any, which at the moment is never as my partner wants to avoid that at all costs (understandably). I feel like I need to be locked in a room so I can get through the withdrawal, which sounds ridiculous when talking about Cannabis but I cant see any other way. It's ruining us financially and I'm sure it's not doing my body or brain any good.

I've been refused all treatment for my BPD, including mood stabilisers, and they wont put me on the waiting list for DBT until I've quit. I find it impossible to lie to these people and say I have when I haven't, and I don't want to waste their time if they feel things wont work because I'm 'self medicating'. I was referred to Marijuana Anonymous but they're a religious group and that's not really my bag, not to mention I can barely leave the house at the moment so meeting a bunch of strangers is a ludicrous idea.

Apologies for the essay!

Don't feel pathetic for being addicted to weed. Being addicted to anything sucks. I, too, like to keep this idea of "god" out of recovery. The way I see it is I'm not going to "surrender" to anything, because depending on something too heavily is what got me in trouble in the first place.

Try checking out these guys: http://www.smartrecovery.org/

atomicuniverse wrote:Don't feel pathetic for being addicted to weed. Being addicted to anything sucks. I, too, like to keep this idea of "god" out of recovery. The way I see it is I'm not going to "surrender" to anything, because depending on something too heavily is what got me in trouble in the first place.

Try checking out these guys: http://www.smartrecovery.org/

Thanks so much for the response, and I completely agree with you about keeping religion out of recovery, that's a good way of looking at it. I cant help feeling pathetic unfortunately :/

The website looks interesting. I'm not from the US so I cant go to meetings and stuff, and the thought of being on webcam with someone kinda fills me with intense dread, ha - handbook seems viable though! Thank you

thanks atomic! i'll add to her help list:

http://www.steadyhealth.com/Recommendat ... 36761.html

good luck saxen, i know what's it's like to be a slave to something. if you need anything, chat, vent, scream...we're always here.

wineaux wrote:
thanks atomic! i'll add to her help list:

http://www.steadyhealth.com/Recommendat ... 36761.html

good luck saxen, i know what's it's like to be a slave to something. if you need anything, chat, vent, scream...we're always here.

That's actually perfect, thank you for the link! Very helpful

It's not my only vice but it's certainly the most detrimental. Thanks, I really appreciate that ^^ I've lurked a fair bit and everyone seems lovely.

Hi Saxen, I think I can refer to what you're going through... although I understand it perfectly well, that we are separate beings and whatever happens, whatever we feel, is so subjective...

First of all, please forgive my grammar and any other language cock-ups, as I am not a native speaker, and I know I may sound awkward here and there... I'll try to keep it simple and I hope I can help a little.

I had been smoking weed since I was 15 - I'm 31 now (yeah, i know...), and it became a daily routine for the last 8 years. Believe it or not - I decided to quit it on Monday 2 weeks ago and since that day I feel connected with my self again (comfortably numb no more!).

As per suggestions, what really is helping me are the simple daily routines, gardening, home work, washing up, hoovering, cleaning, cooking, going for walks, cycling, basically everything that involves physical activity - and any other banal and trivial things that help me feel normal, common and usual. This fills the empty hole, I need to keep myself busy at all times.

The great thing about it is that I wake up before the alarm clock begins to scream and I feel alive, vivid, I crave for life... I want to be part of it. I am fed up of hiding like I used to, being a rat in a rotten hole... at the same time I do realize that it is only the beginning on my journey, but it's been two weeks, I'm CLEAR, I feel good. I want to keep it that way.

Stay brave, try to be positive, do not condemn yourself if you feel it's too overwhelming, as I am sure you will feel that way as this is a new experience, be kind to yourself, try to understand it, it is feasible, you are so young, I am sure you can find the strength to cope.

I wish you all the best and I really do believe you can do this.

holymess wrote:Hi Saxen, I think I can refer to what you're going through... although I understand it perfectly well, that we are separate beings and whatever happens, whatever we feel, is so subjective...

First of all, please forgive my grammar and any other language cock-ups, as I am not a native speaker, and I know I may sound awkward here and there... I'll try to keep it simple and I hope I can help a little.

I had been smoking weed since I was 15 - I'm 31 now (yeah, i know...), and it became a daily routine for the last 8 years. Believe it or not - I decided to quit it on Monday 2 weeks ago and since that day I feel connected with my self again (comfortably numb no more!).

As per suggestions, what really is helping me are the simple daily routines, gardening, home work, washing up, hoovering, cleaning, cooking, going for walks, cycling, basically everything that involves physical activity - and any other banal and trivial things that help me feel normal, common and usual. This fills the empty hole, I need to keep myself busy at all times.

The great thing about it is that I wake up before the alarm clock begins to scream and I feel alive, vivid, I crave for life... I want to be part of it. I am fed up of hiding like I used to, being a rat in a rotten hole... at the same time I do realize that it is only the beginning on my journey, but it's been two weeks, I'm CLEAR, I feel good. I want to keep it that way.

Stay brave, try to be positive, do not condemn yourself if you feel it's too overwhelming, as I am sure you will feel that way as this is a new experience, be kind to yourself, try to understand it, it is feasible, you are so young, I am sure you can find the strength to cope.

I wish you all the best and I really do believe you can do this.

Wow two weeks, congratulations! I'm glad you're feeling so much better as well. You must (and should) be really proud of yourself right now.

Thank you for all of your advice and kind words. I guess I don't do a lot of things to fill my time at the moment; I basically sit around all day and watch films, which definitely gives me more opportunity to smoke and is probably a lot of the reason I do. I find it very difficult to get motivated and always have, even before I started smoking more. You're definitely right about needing to do more physical activities, I just hope I can convince myself to be more active!

I would have thought English your native tongue by the way, you write excellently! Where are you from?

Thank you again

Dont stress it I had a similar situation... I ended up smoking before work and I will never forget the day my manager looked at me like "i know shes on it but should i say anything" lol. these days I have the odd smoke because I do not agree with alcohol it makes me ill and depressed. Its more of my own way to release and get away mentally, and when i run out ive run out... i just brush it off the shoulder and remind myself theres always going to be a next time and i look forward to it.

holymess wrote:Wow two weeks, congratulations! I'm glad you're feeling so much better as well. You must (and should) be really proud of yourself right now.

Thank you for all of your advice and kind words. I guess I don't do a lot of things to fill my time at the moment; I basically sit around all day and watch films, which definitely gives me more opportunity to smoke and is probably a lot of the reason I do. I find it very difficult to get motivated and always have, even before I started smoking more. You're definitely right about needing to do more physical activities, I just hope I can convince myself to be more active!

I would have thought English your native tongue by the way, you write excellently! Where are you from?

Thank you again

Hi Saxen, I'm Polish, writing from London, UK. I have been living here for over 8 years but even after all these years, I feel quite uncomfortable writing/speaking the language I cannot really feel, if you know what I mean...

And as per weed, because of my hyperactivity (ADHD + BPD), I used cannabis to calm me down, so I could focus on a day-to-day activities and to manage simple things without getting too... (any adjective would go well with this sentence). It's been 2 weeks and a day now, and I drink every second evening, not too much, just to help me fall asleep, I hope I'll be able to reduce it somehow one day... My dreams are more and more destructive, it becomes unbearable.

Motivation... it's so damn hard to find it... to re-discover it. Try your best, movies can help to forget, but at the same time, it's so easy to get lost in your own wicked world...

And how have you been doing??
Have you tried to pass your time by doing some artistic work? Photography perhaps (a simple mobile phone would do), observation and writing, painting or drawing, anything to keep your mind busy? It's good for a start? I am sure there's something that will work for you. Tell me what you think you're good at, it's worth developing!

If there's nothing you can think of now, a proper walk always does the trick, it always worked for me.
You take care there!

I Stick with indicas or hybrids to keep me mellow. Smoking works great with meds. Started about 3 years ago & it took a year atleast to figure out what works for me at certain times. Another thing I find helpful is smoking wax once or twice a week, somehow that usually resets everything after sleeping..its super strong so during severe depressions I can use that to bring myself out of the bs.