Alcohol and BPD...

If you have BPD AND you take meds, then drinking any alcohol is a bad idea. You might be self medicating for something, it could be emotional problems or it could be boredom, whatever it may need, the alcohol itself amplifies your borderline symptoms so you'll end up in a cycle self medicating for problems that the drinking is actually causing. It never ends well.

From my experience, I just cannot drink at all anymore, not even one shot while out with friends. Just one drink of anything makes me lose almost all emotional control. If I am at say between 75% and 50% emotionally in control most of the time, then alcohol makes me go down to about 10-5%. It never does numb me emotionally at all unless I binge to excess, and of course that only lasts a short time, once the drunk feeling goes away I have to deal with having no emotional control for the rest of the week, sometimes longer, and have to let my mind go back to normal on its own after all the alcohol finally leaves my system.

I use alcohol to relieve anxiety and lately it's become more and more of a crutch as I'm trying to wean off my anxiety meds (benzos). I hate the hangovers though, I hate the way I get really sexual when I'm drunk, and I feel like it's really physically unhealthy for me. Another problem is that it seems to be a social thing - going out clubbing is an activity that usually involves alcohol.

I really want to quit - I agree with others that alcohol only intensifies the PD symptoms because it takes away "mindfulness" and often people are under the impression that they can explain away bad behavior because they did it under the influence of alcohol.

After yesterday's hangover I've decided to go on the wagon for a while - I think it would change my life dramatically. I'm not sure I can do it though. It's tough. I'm such an anxious person.

Alcohol is a weird one for me. I can't just drink one glass of wine its normally the whole bottle then I'll hit the vodka, it really helps me but it also makes me worse. If i'm in a good mood and out with friends then around 80% of the time i'm okay however if I'm alone and in a bad mood(I never drink by myself if im in a good mood) It's like I go into a major 'Self pity' mode. I cry and think about all of my problems and how life is treating me so unfair I then normally begin cutting myself or overdosing or doing something incredibly reckless which I somehow, at the time, I justify in my head to be okay, because I'm so 'Hard done by' So I'm just making things right. I wake up the next day feeling terrible or even worse I'll wake up in hospital. Alcohol brings out a total different side of me which is why I am trying to keep away from it for the moment until if and when I get better but sometimes I slip up now and then. By thats just what it does to me I am sure many people are a lot different to me

Thank you for the insights re: Alcohol and BPD. My husband drinks to excess. One drink and psycho boy appears. Another interesting point a member mentioned, that is when s/he is in touch with emotions, but overly so...H = same. That's exactly when I exit stage left as I have no desire to get caught up in the crap storm that generally follows.

Fortunately, he has been limiting that significantly, which only makes the BPD aspects sharper.

Re: Using alcohol as a crutch? Don't. Makes a serious hash of any chance of recovery. Dynamite relationships from what I have experienced.

Kore wrote:Thank you for the insights re: Alcohol and BPD. My husband drinks to excess. One drink and psycho boy appears. Another interesting point a member mentioned, that is when s/he is in touch with emotions, but overly so...H = same. That's exactly when I exit stage left as I have no desire to get caught up in the crap storm that generally follows.

Fortunately, he has been limiting that significantly, which only makes the BPD aspects sharper.

Re: Using alcohol as a crutch? Don't. Makes a serious hash of any chance of recovery. Dynamite relationships from what I have experienced.

To be honest, it sounds like you have almost no compassion for what your husband struggles with. "Psycho boy" and "getting caught up in the crap storm"... Really?

How about "someone struggling with emotions you can't even conceive of?" or "stormy moods caused by neurological abnormalities and learned behavior from childhood."

It seems like pretty blatant disrespect to go posting on a board... no, not even, because there's threads for people like you on this board.... to go posting on a THREAD by someone suffering from BPD and using the type of language regarding their mental illness.

You are probably correct.

I used to feel compassion. But the well ran dry when I saw zero effort on his part. Then I directed the compassion towards self. Why should anyone deal with the verbal brutality of another because of a "bad mood" and that same person can turn it on and off depending on who they are talking to? That is a little bit disgusting to me.

"Psycho Boy" you're right. It's harsh. But it's also accurate. How else would one best describe this kind of behaviour:

Wife returns from work, Husband comes down the stair raging and screaming without any provocation nor warning. None, zero. I walked in the door and said hello.

What do you call that? He was raging and screeching some very nasty stuff. I had to leave. He tried to stop me. For what? Stop me to scream in my face? Think anyone likes that?

That is a bit psycho.
Partners have feelings and emotions as well. They get hurt too. BPD are not the only ones with emotions.

That was only one incident. There are countless examples of that.
Do you honestly believe, that a non or a pwBPD could feel love towards a person who did that? Years of that crap? The only form of "Love" that could be related to would be "Stockholm Syndrome" It isn't Love. It's sick.

It seems like pretty blatant disrespect to go posting on a board... no, not even, because there's threads for people like you on this board.... to go posting on a THREAD by someone suffering from BPD and using the type of language regarding their mental illness.

I was talking about my husband, and my experiences dealing with that behavior. That makes it relevant regardless of whether it is PC or not. It doesn't have to be pleasant does it? The behaviors are NOT pleasant, so what is the point in sugar coating it? Who benefits from that lie?

BPD pain and emotions do not trump those of their partners. No special privileges granted. That is the escape clause for poor behavior and you know it as well as I do.

Atomicuniverse, What would you do? You come home from work "Hello honey, I'm home" your partner comes screaming and raging down the stair at you cursing you out?

What would you do?
How would you feel?

You are the only one who can answer those questions. If he is outright refusing treatment, then it's never going to get better and your relationship is doomed. Quite honestly, if you threaten to leave him and he in a moment of panic gets treatment, he is doing it for the wrong reasons, and your relationship is doomed anyways. I've been the person with BPD several times, and it's only when I was left with nothing but myself that I felt enough pain that motivated me to start getting treatment for myself. This was 12 years after my initial "she might have this" diagnosis, and 4 years after my official adult diagnosis.

I would suggest to start educating yourself if you're determined to stay in the relationship. There's a book called, "Stop Walking on Eggshells" that I've heard is pretty good. In the situations where he seems like he's screaming at you for no reason, it can be a useful tool to diffuse the situation.

I would NOT suggest posting on pwBPD's posts seething with BPD shaming and hatred. I can almost guarantee you're not going to last long on this board if you continue this behavior.

Thanks for all of your replies, I definately drink to 'cope' and in some ways, it helps as in it helps me 'switch off' for a time and makes me feel happeir (i think) like a relief but in other ways, it makes things worse because A- It often makes me feel even lower the next day, B- It's definately become a 'habit' for me and C- It's costing me money I can't afford. Plus I do tend to say and do things I don't mean when I've been drinking, or massively over react to things that 'trigger' me.
I'm self aware enough to understand why I do what I do but at the moment am feeling a bit 'stuck'. Exercise helps and i've started getting more and more into that again... maybe I will trder to focus on that to wear myself out naturally as opposed to 'knocking myself out' with booze.
And again, thanks for everyone's post's, it's great to be able to come on here and just be me.

And have just read the last few post's and although I can understand how hard it is for partners, families and friends, the people who choose to stick around have chosen to do so so to that lady, either walk away and let him find the supportive relationship's he needs or educate yourself enough to be able to support/diffuse for BOTH of your sake's!

I use alcohol as a coping mechanism too! It helps with the emptiness, boredom, flashbacks, negative thoughts!! I'm not proud of the fact I do especially when I found over two hundred empty bottles in my room! I drink a bottle of vodka each night and scared of stopping drinking! My support worker is talking about detox but I'm not sure what I think about it. I'm coherent when I've had a bottle of vodka like now so I don't see it as too much of an issue. I don't allow it to effect anyone else so don't see that it's a problem.

mystic

Edit! sorry double post!