Help, please let me know what you think

Hello everyone,

I've been trying to deal with this as best as I can, but it's getting more and more at an impasse. I have been reading online to try to figure out what might be going on with my dad, and as best as I can determine it seems to be some kind of personality disorder. To fast forward a bit, he won't see any kind of doctor or therapist.

Some background information. My dad was the kindest person you'd ever meet, very hardworking, nice guy, etc., works and lives in Florida. In the past few years things have begun to change, no drug, alcohol, or medication use. It seems like he takes every opportunity to create an argument, something out of nothing, and then connects it to his past, or how someone is taking advantage of us or him.

At times when he is like this he gets very mad, turns red, shouts as loud as he can, it's pretty scary. He'll go on and on, and nothing I say will calm him down. After that, I'm feeling pretty lousy, and I'll say something back in the heat of the moment, and by that time he turns 180 degrees and is overly sweet and caring.

Sometimes I try to talk to him, and he starts talking politics, and I don't care for politics, and then he will go on for an hour about how so and so it taking advantage of the system, etc. stuff that has nothing to do with us, I can't get him to stop. I really don't want to make this political at all, I'm not into that stuff, but my dad listens to Rush Limbaugh and the other talk radio shows, and influence that if nothing else seems to be telling him that shouting is the way to go. And every time he's calm, I say "you know things aren't going as well as they used to, maybe we have some issues, related to your childhood (a common topic that comes up, or his brothers and family that picked on him) that we should talk to a doctor, or therapist to work through them". The invariable response is "... those damn liberal doctors... I'd rather kill myself". From experience I don't that his threat seriously at all, but he will never admit there is any problem, and is convinced that the "liberals" are controlling people. If anything might seem wrong he will usually blame us for it, never ever taking responsibility for a problem.
Again, Please don't make this a political thing, it's just a facet to the story, I'm not on any side.

Sometimes he goes on and on about becoming wealthy when he gets older, maybe building a huge car dealership or something. Different ideas all the time, sometimes gas stations chains, etc. When ever I challenge him to set his sights on something more reasonable to start he gets really mad, and compares himself to great people in history. "...people never believed in Einstein, not even his wife, they hated him but he was right" and he goes on and on comparing himself to these types of people.

He doesn't have much social interactions, rubs people the wrong way in amazingly short amounts of time. If we have people over and things are going well, without a doubt some where during the night he'll bring up the most random, out of place concept to the group. Typically the group goes silent because it's awkward, and he will talk for a solid 15-20 mins, not realizing that it's not going well, even when I try to interrupt him, he just pushes through and keeps talking.

He also is in the habit or really taking down people when talking to me, say how such and such a person is so bad, etc. etc... and then maybe a few hours later says how nice and considerate they are. He still does this, but now sometimes he doesn't do the part where he says how good they are any more.

Anyway, just thoughts off the top of my head, I know it's a lot, and there's other stuff too, but maybe this is a place to start. He is no doubt getting worse, and I don't know what to do, the few relationships he has are quickly fading. I honestly can't talk to him for more than one minute without something becoming an argument, and I try really hard not to fall for his traps. I just don't know what to do, and it hurts to see him like this. Please if anyone has any ideas about what might be going on, or what I can do to help that'd be great.

Thanks,
Anthony

Well...he might have to hit rock bottom before he realizes there's anything wrong. He does need to see a doctor to get evaluated. Maybe just keep bring it up quietly every so often. A lot of illnesses and disorders can cross over and go hand and hand. You may want to look at Bipolar too. I have Bipolar II and BPD. They can very much go hand in hand. You might want to go to a therapist to learn how to deal with someone who doesn't want treatment. Wishing you the best! Hope I helped some. Good luck!

Hello,

I have seen similar situations in my family and with my friends families. For some reason, in the last few years political angst is very easy for people to adopt when they are experiencing more personal issues. I won't pretend to know what your dad's underlining causes are, but maybe he is going through something a lot less volatile and all of the negative energy from politics is just fueling his fire.

Not sure what age he is, but he might be going through anything from a mid life crisis to the fear of aging and becoming dependent. Instead of focusing on himself, he is seeing the whole world as the thing that is wrong, broken, needing to be fixed. And since it all fits in nicely with the spirit of patriotism, nothing keeps him from holding back.

If you can't get him to see someone professionally, the only thing I can offer is maybe you can do your best to engage him in activities he enjoys or feels useful at. Maybe if its just minor depression or anxiety, some activities can help settle him. Pick things that are as close to peaceful and non competitive as possible, like fishing or building models, or working on a car or home repair, something that he can really get into without any reason for an emotional explosion.

And make them fun and important for you as well and let him know you really want or maybe even need his help and participation. Any time he spends away from talk radio and heated debates the better.

Like I said, I am not a professional and am just offering some suggestions, but try what you can. I wish you the best of luck. Above all else, live your life. Don't let whatever is going on with your father keep you from maintaining your own mental health.

Sincerely.

Thank you both for your kind replies. I really appreciate your suggestions, and hope for a much brighter future...