Please help! :(

I don't know what to do anymore. These conflicting emotions about my current love interest are sending me into a spiral. :'( I don't know how I feel about him anymore. He's the most wonderful, caring, loving person that I know and he treats me so well. But recently my feelings have waned.

This experience isn't unfamiliar to me, the same thing happened with my exbf. The reason why he's an ex should be apparent. The feelings of not loving him and it all being a sham became so overwhelming that I just phased him out of my life.

I'm scared that I'm not going to be able sustain a meaningful relationship EVER. I think because of the BPD, I've become so wrapped up in this fantasy of 'ideal love'. If I don't feel euphoria or elation, they're immediately friendzoned. I HATE THIS. :'(

I don't want to lead him on, but I don't want to lose him either.

I don't know if I'm asking for advice or if I'm just venting. BLEH. >_<

The in-love feeling is a temporary chemical reaction in your brain. It is not sustainable. It fades for everyone, but it does seriously freak out us BPD's.

Explore love as deeper and more complex than that "in love" feeling. I have come to see love as a committment and it keeps me home on those less-than-perfect days when I want to run.

Think of how much patience he has shown for you. Return the same. My fiance stuck by me for a miserable year of getting started on psych meds (lots of side effects and no benefit form the meds). When things got rough later with him being stressed out and too involved at work, I committed to sticking through a year - since that is what he did for me.

After 3 years, the "in-love" moments are not constant, but it is good. I journal and blog a lot to release my escapist and destructive thoughts. It helps me to not take action, to feel validated and get relief.