Identity (potentially triggering)

++edited by mod at request of the poster++

yes, yes, yes...a million times YES! you are definitely not alone. i bet this post will be filled with others that feel the same. it. is. BPD. to. the. T.

OMG YES! It's so comforting to meet others who struggle with the same thing.

I think our identity lies in the choices that we make. Benign choices that we make at the grocery store. I remember watching an episode of a TV show where a life coach was helping overly-attached twins create identities. One of the first exercises she did was take one of them shopping to a custom perfume shop where you choose the scents and they blend it for you. It was eye opening.

Why do I choose brand X over brand Y? That says something about my preferences and values.

This is how I began to get some sense of identity. Yes, it wavers. Yes, I feel unsure. But I come back to some basic qualities that begin to define me - in a way I came comfortable with.

Developing some sense of identity has been a long struggle for me... 10 years. But I can now dress with a consistent sense of style. Work with my dog with a consistent training method. My grocery shopping list looks very similar and I tend to pick the same or similar items.

What I'm very, very, slowly learning is that I am ME, regardless of what my emotions are doing today or what bipolar mood episode I'm in. Going through a grieving process and coming to acceptance has made a huge difference in my sense of stability and identity. It has improved my impulse control by helping me recognize when my thoughts don't "jive" with ME, and I'm starting to be able to talk myself down when I get all riled up.

It started with a trip to the grocery store. You can do that!

I'm constantly changing too. I started trying to define myself more clearly a few years ago... I know that sounds weird, but I felt like a totally empty void before that. It kind of started with trying to conform to how my ex wanted me to be, then resenting that, and being what I wanted to be.

There are some common themes, but... it shifts a lot. From what I eat, to what I wear... my tastes, my interests, how I spend my time, how I see myself. Still, some things stick... a little.

yes totally.
when I am going through a real crisis time, like a couple of months ago, I end up trying to write a list to myself of 'Things I like...' in a desperate attempt to remind myself that I have some sort of sense of who I am. But to be honest that normally just makes me feel ashamed and embarrassed by the fact that I have to do this in the first place.
It's hard, but it sounds like a few people on here have started to get a more solid sense of identity, so that's encouraging.
yo-yo

I know EXACTLY what you mean!

Honestly it's like being in a perpetual state of tabula rasa.

@_@

^ Definitely agree! I've no idea who I am from one hour to the next!! I've no idea what I like, my image in the mirror isn't who I think 'me' is. I'm lots of 'me's' inside a shell and I don't like any of the 'me's' to enable them to be a complete 'me'. Most of my life is a blur. Yesterday is like years ago and I can't remember much about it.

Hi, yes i struggle a lot with this. Would be interested to learn about how those twins in your documentary went. I am a twin and have struggled my whole life to know who I am. I moved city around 18 years ago and have little contact with my twin. Now, the borderline symptoms make this even worse. I can't describe one nice thing about myself and even when I go shopping (spent a lot of money on my credit card yesterday) I have no real sense of what I'm going out to buy. It is rather impulsive and I can practically go into any shop and just buy stuff. My wardrobe now is a mix of completely different styles and tastes....I mostly look at what other people wear and depending on who I thought looked good that day, try and copy what they were wearing. Rather sad really that I have no sense of what I do and don't like.

Winterblue wrote:My wardrobe now is a mix of completely different styles and tastes....I mostly look at what other people wear and depending on who I thought looked good that day, try and copy what they were wearing. Rather sad really that I have no sense of what I do and don't like.

^ I do this too!!

++edited by mod at request of the poster++