Finally an answer

++edited by mod at request of the poster++

Hi, I just got recently diagnosed myself though I was pretty certain I had the disorder beforehand and had been diagnosed with it - without treatment - in my early 20s.

I can share my experience with you. It has taken me about 2 weeks just to integrate and accept the diagnosis and I have been all over the place with it.

First, relief that finally I knew what was wrong with me and a strong desire to start fixing it right away.

Secondly, Fear - did this now mean I was flawed? What was bf going to think of me? was it going to get worse? and I was going to end up some crazy homeless lady? this caused a lot of fear and anxiety.

Thirdly RAGE at my parents and childhood for straddling me with this disorder.

Lastly, Saddness at so much of my life having been influenced by it. - This was a result of doing some reading both on the board and separately to understand the disorder.

As far as Anxiety - I suffer from it terribly. Something that helps me is to do a centering excercise. I have learned to do this when I am not anxious as well as a self check.

First, i sit in a quite room where I am undisturbed. And I pick an object. Then I focus on it without making judgement - I simply observe the object - its color, texture, shape ect. If I am really wound up I say the observations aloud and I try to just experience the object in the present moment and really study it. If I have thoughts I let them just pass through me and go back to observing the object but I don't think about them or scold myself. After my thinking has calmed down, I allow myself to move my perception around the room. What am I experiencing at this moment? how does it smell, what light is there, and I try to just live in the moment as I am experiencing it without thinking about anything else but what I am observing - this is just "being"

Then I close my eyes and I move into my body. How does my body feel? where are my feet? my hands? is there pain in my body? am I tense? how does my face feel? How am I breathing? and then I practice feeling my breath and allowing myself to experience just being in my body. I practice relaxing the parts that are tense with deep breath and visualization. If I find my mind starting to wander, I bring myself back by observing - where are my feet? where are my hands? how does the chair feel to me.

The trick to this is it stops all the thoughts which cause the anxiety. You can not have anxiety without thoughts but my thoughts race at me and i get so overwhelmed.

another excercise is to pick a chore and try to focus on it exclusively. If you wash the dishes, what does the water feel like, what does the soap look like, ect. I think you get it. I could be raking the leaves, washing the car, making a bed. But learn to be in the present moment so when you start getting anxiety you can switch into just being in the present and turn it off.

All of this is DBT which you can look up online. These excercises are to develop mindfulness and living in the present moment because I can get so lost in the past or the future that I am not even aware of my body. Its as if I have left! You can not be in the present and thinking about past/future at the same time.

Practice this several times a day and it becomes easier and more natural.

Other than that - be kind to yourself and accept your process as it unfolds. Recovery takes a while but if you are intent on your goal, you will achieve it.

Many blessings!

Laura

Whenever I have a panic attack I first try to get outside alone. I concentrate on my breathing and the fresh air seems to help. I also as Ig said try to focus on something. When outside it is often a tree or a cloud.

If I am indoors and can't get outside for whatever reason sometimes I will just walk in circles around my couch and I will sing a short song to myself over and over again until I feel the panic recede. Which I know makes me sound like a basket case. (I'm not)

If I am around people and it happens. I just excuse myself and deal with it as best as I can.

I have to agree with Igpp, but I know it's not true for everyone. When I was finally diagnosed with what I figured I had for a while, I found a certain relief in it. I could finally understand just why I felt how did and thought how I did, and I didn't feel so crazy anymore.

One thing I can suggest that helped me in the beginning is to start reading. There are a lot of books and information online. The more information you have, maybe the more in control you can feel.

I have anxiety as well, and have been diagnosed with panic disorder. When I feel that anxiety come up and I feel so overwhelmed and the thoughts are racing, I usually do one of two things. I either start writing, almost without thinking and without stopping, just getting out whatever is on my mind on paper. It doesn't have to be logical or make sense, but it gives all those thoughts less power over you because they are not just in your head anymore. If I can't sit down to write, I try to distract myself. Usually try to do something physical like walking or pacing or even cleaning my house. I think what can be used to distract is unique to each person, so it may take some trial and error.

Either way, I wish you the best with everything.

++edited by mod at request of the poster++

I agree with Laura's (lgpp) reply. That pretty much matches my own experiences, thoughts, and reactions when I finally figured out that I had BPD. I also focus intensely on a chore or something like that to control my anxiety. It helps to divert my anxiety by focusing on something else external.