Family functions make me ill

I'm sure I'm not completely alone in this, but I ABHOR family (and most social) functions. I feel like I'm under a microscope, I feel like I have to be on my "best behavior," I feel like it is a big fat fake stupid waste of my time. I don't like the people, and they don't like me.

Last weekend I squirmed my way out of my husband's niece's graduation ceremony. Since I didn't show (SERIOUSLY - ALL BECAUSE OF ME), the family is having a picnic/party thing today. I don't want to go. I don't want to see them. I bought the girl two gifts. I spent way too much money on her hoping that would make me exempt from attending this crap. I talked to my sis-in-law (whom I hate) on the phone last night - she told me about it - I said I would be there, but I pretty much would need a crane to drag me out of the house and to that stupid park.

I'm trying to feel better ... I don't want to do this - it's an all-day struggle of guilt and anger about not wanting to go. If I go, I'll be uncomfortable (to put it lightly) the whole time, then we'll leave and I'll contemplate it - contemplate every word from every person, every look from every face, I will feel stupid and guilty. Then if I don't go I will sit around and think about how much of a horrible person I am.

Help ... should I just grin and bear it, or should I deal with the guilt of not going?

I can relate to that on a massive level. While I do have a couple family members on my side of the family that I'm attached too most of them I can't stand because they are always judging me and telling what I should be doing. And I am lucky the only family member that lives in the same state as me is my mom. But then you get to holidays and its time to see family members. I usually just come up with an excuse (i.e. car trouble) so that I don't have to go. I feel guilty afterwards but it's easier for me than faking being the perfect little angel. As for other general social situations such as school, hanging out with friends, and little functions such as baby showers or kids birthday parties I normally have to force myself out of the house for those. I've managed to avoid all but two functions this year so far. And I can't avoid school because I'm not the only one going that depends on me to get up and go. And I only hang out with friends once every couple months basically until they force me to hang out with them.

So with that being said I would do what feels right to you. I know easier said than done. While most people aren't going to understand why you do what you do, someone who supports you will. Decide which of the options will result in less stress for you. I don't know if my advice is correct, but I hope in some way it will help.


I will admit sometimes I want to go but only if it's for someone I am extremely attached to such as going to my boyfriends parents house. I regret it later because I feel like they don't know how to take me and are thinking I'm some weirdo freak. Not to mention they are Jehovah's Witness so things like smoking a cigarette becomes ten times harder because the BF's dad is an Elder in the congregation so we can't smoke anywhere near him. (yes there's a story to go with this).

Haha ... Neveragain, you're like me, so many of your statements (and mine as well) say ... it's a long story or ... there's a story with that. Seems like that's a trait/symptom for sure - I think we feel like we always have to explain ourselves or our behaviors. Goes with the territory and also very related to this situation.

I have decided to go, but only because after carefully weighing the discomfort of being there and the guilt of not going, the discomfort won. Regardless of whether I go, these people will talk. There's a weird cultural thing behind it too (long story lol). But really, these people take offense if people don't show up to their gatherings. It's a huge family, and there are so many social rules it makes me want to puke.

I do one of two things when I attend family/social functions - I either shell up which makes me seem distant and uncaring or I act out which makes me seem like a child. Either way, I don't really look good.

My brother - the religious freak - told me I should ask, "What would Jesus do?" I laughed, because he knows better. But he explained it like this: Jesus wasn't a pacifist. When he said, "Turn the other cheek," he wasn't saying it so he could get slapped on the other cheek, he was saying, "Go ahead and be barbarians all you please, but I am not going to let it affect me."

So ... I came to the decision that I will go, I will act however I feel is necessary to guard my feelings, and if anyone thinks bad of me they can ... well, quite frankly, they can suck it.

(Easier said than done ... but I have to go.)

I wish you the absolute best of luck. You are much stronger than me. *hugs*

I know what you mean when you say "no matter what they will talk". My BF's family is the same freakin way. Example, they get pissy that I am so clingy with him. They don't know about what is/might be going on so they think I'm just overbearing and trying to keep him from them. They have went to the point of calling him and telling him he needed to get away from me for a little while because they didn't feel it was healthy were always right there beside each other. What they don't realize is that after just 30 minutes of him not being with me (unless I'm asleep or occupied) I start freaking out. Which I don't want them to realize because then their whole "you're either strong or weak" thing will come into play and I will be seen as weak. (I could give so many examples)

Whats weird about me is everyone says I light up the room when I walk in. What they don't realize is I'm either high or well yeah thats about it I'm high.

If ONLY I could use substances to get through this ... but I know one will lead to the other.

It's not a strong or weak thing ... it's a everyone will hate me or everyone will think I'm weird thing. I'd rather have people think I'm weird than hate me.

I wish I didn't feel like have to use the substances to get through dealing with people. I hate the fact that I do it, but I don't want to let on that there's something wrong with me. I think my main problem is no matter what I think they hate me and think I'm some freak of nature.

Family functions create alot of anxiety in me. I've never liked them. We have a wedding coming up at my house. Its still a month away. Wife was already asking me if i was going to hide out or take off on a motorcycle ride. I'm just hoping no one triggers me the wrong way. Which ususlly happens because they do something i dont like, then they act like i have the problem. I hate family functions, either is anxiety, or anger almost every time.

Well - I successfully ducked out on this one. I seriously thought I was going to go, but alas ... I'm not.

Hopefully they won't say anything (I know its doubtful). Are you feeling ok with not going?

They made it really easy. I wasn't told about the party until yesterday afternoon (I'm impulsive, but I hate when people are impulsive ON me), then I found out today that it was for girls/ladies only - so I didn't have anywhere to send my boys. My bro-in-law offered to take them out, but I kindly turned down the offer. SCORE!

I don't even care. I feel justified. I realize that's reverting, but I'm alright with that.