Response from friends and family

How have your friends and family responded to your BPD diagnosis?

I have talked about this with my mom, brother, and husband. They all tell me they have known something was "off" about me as long as they've known me, but they didn't feel comfortable telling me. My mom and brother (one being a psych nurse, one having a BS in psych) told me that I don't seem like the "average" BPD person, but they can see traits. My husband is only comparing me to the DSM-IV criteria and he says - yup that's you.

I decided today to talk about this with my friend. I have one friend. I managed to keep her through emotional storms, rages, self-destructive behavior, etc. We have gone months - even years at times - without talking, but she still comes back to me. So I decided it would be o.k. for her to know this.

She had no idea what BPD was, and I didn't really give her any ideas about what it is. I just told her that there's something going on - I perceive things differently than most people - I have difficulty regulating emotion - I can be self-destructive - I can be violent. I left the rest of the details out. I wanted to get her take on me.

She informed me of some things I didn't remember (disappearing for days at a time; drinking to the point of being unable to walk and physically fighting for my car keys, then driving off to God knows where; being angry with her for no reason she could see, not talking to her for months, then she found out I was telling everyone who would listen how horrible of a person she was and more). That conversation opened my eyes, told me some things I didn't even know about myself, and was actually less of a trigger than one may think.

She has no idea what BPD is, but she told me she is going to look it up, and if I need anything she's there for me.

I feel pretty lucky to have such a great (albeit small) circle of supporters. I think it is in my best interest to not tell anyone else though.

I am too scared to tell anyone at all including friends and family. The only person I did tell, a close friend at the time, who did in fact like me because I'd shown her so much attention over a quick period very intensely including sleeping with her, totally abandoned me when I told her what I had and could she look it up so that she could understand why I was the way I was. She left and never called me again! So you can see why it's frightened me, I don't have many friends as it is, and if they all run scared then that's my worst nightmare. I wouldn't have anyone. So the only person that knows now is my therapist. Even when I recover (hope that happens one day), I don't think anyone would understand...as even when I told my family I thought I had depression, they just reacted with that "everyone feels sad" and that I just need to do things to "help myself" get out of it. They were against medication and even think me now going to therapy (they do know this) is not necessary as I seem fine to them (it's all an act)....

I understand. It was hardest for me to tell my one friend, because even if I still have my mom, brother, and husband, everyone needs at least a friend ... I talk to her once every three months or so, but I didn't want to risk losing that. At the same time, I felt like I was lying to her when I talked to her. It was a risk, but I had to take it.

I'm sure she won't ever understand what I'm going through, but she at least understands a lot of stuff from the past now, and I think (if nothing else) that made her feel better.

I totally get this.

I have the same feelings. A few of my "forever friends" (ones that have been with me for years) know what the deal is, but even my ex-husband didn't know (it was prior to my diagnosis, when that fell apart).

And when you mentioned the drinking until you can't drive and fighting for your keys, yep - I've been that girl too.


<3


AMP

MissAli,
Sometimes I think that if I told ex-friends and ex-boyfriends (including the ex-fiance) they would feel some sort of relief. Like - "I knew I wasn't the crazy one!!" But why give them that satisfaction? I was happy in my bubble thinking I was completely justified in my actions.

But yeah, the forever people, sometimes I think it's best if they know. They want to love me, and I should let them (part of the recovery process, I think).

I really get that. I do not think I'd want to give them the satisfaction, but if they ever looked up the disorder, I'm the quintessential poster child, LOL.


Not sure I'd arm them with the info willingly though



AMP

Haha ... definitely don't want to give people any MORE ammo than we've already given them.

Hey, I love your avatar, by the way.

Thank you, FM :0)


AMP