mystical experiences

I for a long time and still do but would fear hell and believe i was going there even through suicidal attempts and behaviours and missions.

Lately i have gotten into tarot cards and oracle cards. They seem to be popular and i don't take them seriously but i bought two decks on Friday.

I went through a stage of being obsessive over christianity, judaism, etc .... reading a book to do with Buddhism a friend gave me.

Does anybody else go through these phases ?

Did when I was younger, similar stuff,I've still got a pack of tarot cards I've kept for 20 odd years because even though I don't believe in that stuff anymore I'm afraid to chuck em,go figure!!
I also think when your suffering you look for answers,reasons,,help,,change ect ect.
I think heaven and hell comes from inside the mind ,hell being cRaZy. Heaven being sane and enjoying the simple pleasures in life..(something I seem incapable of doing although I pretend )
I don't think there's any harm in it if its just for fun ,,as long as you dont(like I did) spend years waiting for your angel ,or the lord to stretch out their hand .
Fight for YOURSELF now while your still young ,when you have the strength . Seek answers.
I think now there's no rhyme or reason to any of it,and when ur gone ur gone.which I think is THE reason I havnt killed myself up until now,,this is it..this life can be heaven or hell
Although I'm trying to understand that life has grey.and that my body and mind weren't the ones I wanted, the pain I didn't want,,but it's mine,I own it,ain't no angel gonna carry it away. But it's taken 43 years of waiting .and now I'm at a scary crossroads of taking responsibility for myself .xx

yes I do get these, when i'm going through a very low point, and/or severe anxiety, and/or questionning everything obsessively, but normally when I'm in a depressive episode, it's like I start thinking religion/spirituality is the way I need to go, as a last attempt to get better or it's like I get to the point where I think, ''I need to go into a church/pray/look into religion'' as if it's the one thing I'd forgotten about which could be holding the 'answers' I've been looking for, but just as quickly as I think this, I'm doubting it and assuming I've gone 'crazy' for getting all religious.
day-to-day I'm not religious at all, the closest I get to being spiritual is practising yoga and chanting ohms, but I go through fazes of doing this more or less, but I guess yoga is always a part of my life to some extent. I like to think of myself as being in tune with nature, and respecting it, although I have never called myself pagan, I would say I probably have a lot of these traits/beliefs.
Oh also when I experienced psychosis about 10 years ago, due to a combination of anxiety/depression and recreational drugs, I had a belief I was jesus, or something similar, very bizarre!!
xx

YES!
When I was younger I discovered rune stones. I could pull stones that symbols on them out of a bag, lie them in a certain way and read the results. I did that a lot about my future. I had very low points when I couldn't imagine myself being 19, then I couldn't imagine myself being 20, and so on. I was so certain that my future wasn't going to happen. I would read these rune stones to see what course my life was going to take (as if I wasn't the one steering the wheel). I would also become very mystic about the mysticism. For instance, one of the stones was blank. I can't remember exactly what the blank one meant, but it was relatively positive. It meant something along the lines of - this stone means you will determine this when the time comes. I always read that stone as meaning I would not be in the situation. So I would lie out a design with the stones, read the results, and if there was a blank one, I would assume that the stone reading was about other people, I would not be involved.

Also, I have always been a religious person - born and raised in a Christian household, but I've wavered in my spirituality. I still do this, and it is quite spiritually damaging - but I go through phases. I either question my own religion, or I start to feel like there is no God, or I start to think that it doesn't matter what religion I am, because whether I am a Christian or a Jew or a Muslim, Buddhist, etc. I am going to be wrong, because there may be a God, but no one on Earth has discovered him yet. Like not only am I wrong - but every single person in the world who believes in a God (or several gods) is wrong because the true God hasn't been revealed.

I have drawn the "beauty" card twice now and one question was in relation to which direction or will i ever be able to overcome or grow passed my insecure sense of self and self image problems despite what others think (along those lines) the beauty card is basically about self esteem and says a lot of helpful advice in relation to ... i guess... any of us. Could be coincidence but i spun out because of the accuracy.

I grew up going to a really strict christian school in which my step-grandfather used to be the principal. I think that school really effed me up. It was rigid and strict and they gave out the strap for silly little things like messy handwriting and other stupid small things. My sister got suspended and expelled from the school for receiving a sexual letter from a boyfriend outside of the school. Because of this school I always have a fear of going to hell when I die or that I am a bad person. If you didn't follow the rules of the school, they made it feel like you were a bad person. I feel like I have effed everything up totally. When I am really down I sometimes go back to Christianity because for some reason it gives me comfort because it was all I ever was taught growing up. Right now though I am pretty anti-religion. I hate it how they seem to push christianity down your throat and tell you that if yolu don't believe you are going to hell. I've never gotten into tarot cards but the psychic shows on TV always interest me.