I never felt so final- borderlines and study.

Hi,

This is mainly a vent thing, thought you guys may understand.

Earlier this year I went to see a psychologist since i believed myself to be borderline. She avoided the question and said "it was only the depression" (i have clinical depression) being someone who is fairly alone she also diagnosed me as having skizoid(sp?) traits(i now know this is B.S). shortly after I returned to university and this is when everything went to $#%^. I started to get rely depressed and violent which is mainly verbal as well as destructive (breaking $#%^). Earlier today i got a fail grade on a assignment which i did while i was suicidal so ripped it to shred's, I just couldn't take the anger and felt like a complete failure. This assignment was based around a field assessment which i had to do on a Saturday which included driving their (2 hours away) and having to spend money on petrol. While doing the assessment I cut myself mutable times, drank like a fish, i trashed my house and even abused my best friend (in my head that confrontation was worse then it was). I feel suicidal. I cant help but feel a deep DARK hatred towards that lecturer though I know inside maby its my own fault... No its not i was depressed, couldn't focus and wanted to die!

I have developed a hate for many of my lectures and find their are only three i rely like (until i fail the exams) because they are nice. I can be disruptive towards other students at time as i have lashed out at people, despite that im well known and people seam to feel comfortable having me around. Im scared eventually im going to do something stupid.. Rely Stupid like I Did In High School.

This said i am getting help from a uni counselor who is the nicest therapist i have ever met and unlike the majority is helpful I just wish she was able to diagnose me since i trust her enough to open up completely.

How did other people deal with study?

hey there,

I've been on both sides of this - I'm on my third postgrad degree and have been teaching uni as well (I'm just not able to function in the real world outside of uni I guess ).

As far as lecturers go I can assure you, we're just people like everyone else - and at least in my uni, the prevalence of mental illnesses and addictions in the faculty is mind-boggling. Honestly, no-one here is normal. So don't worry if you have negative feelings towards some of them.

Sorry to hear about the failed assignment - you've just confirmed my philosophy that failing students gets them nowhere. I got in trouble last year because I don't fail people

That psychologist you describe sounds like a right git - I haven't encountered that myself, but apparently some professionals hesitate diagnosing ppl with BPD because of the "stigma". In my mind that is just irresponsible and silly and prevents people from getting the treatment they need. Maybe you could see a different doctor, a BPD specialist maybe?

If you can get diagnosed your uni would very likely have to accommodate for your condition, i.e. allow you to re-sit exams if you were feeling too low. I had a few students who had learning difficulties or other mental health problems and they all got extensions when otherwise they would have failed.

xx, leFaye