could this be bpd? or just another OCD obsession?

ive posted this on another forum but didnt get any responses really.. what do yal think?(sorry for the length)

ive recently come across borderline personality disorder. after doing research for a couple of hours, i think this might be my case. i fit the symptoms such as depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts about whats wrong with me, social anxiety, up and down with relationships, and indecisive. I tend to just go with the flow of what everyone else is doing because i dont really have an opinion. i suffer from pretty low self esteem sometimes, unless im around some of my good friends. im terrible at meeting new people, i dont know how to act around them and i get extremely nervous and freeze up. i always feel like other people are judging me too.. however, i do not really have random outbursts of rage for no reason. i remember getting mad as hell when i had a job at subway and customers would come in and annoy me. Like everything they did pissed me off some days, while other days i was fine. i have mood swings alot. i also used to have symptoms of HOCD. Ive posted a couple times on here already about this question but i always feel like i leave stuff out..

more about me is that i always seem to mimic other peoples personalities, like i dont have my own, at least in social situations. When im by myself im usually fine. Im also disorganized and lose things like my keys and wallet all of the time. I have a hard time focusing on things, and sometimes i take adderall and that makes me feel semi-normal for a while.

ive watched videos on youtube about poeple with borderline personality, and cant really tell if i have it or not. i may share some of the symptoms, but im not sure if they are all the way severe enough to be the disorder. Maybe i just have really bad anxiety?

and another thing im 21, i used to get in a lot of trouble throughout highschool with alcohol and stuff. my father died when i was 12, so maybe im just trying to find myself since i didnt really have a role model? or are these symptoms severe enough to be a disorder?


the more i read about the symptoms and of people's stories that have, the more i think i could have it. I have never been suicidal or anything tho. The all or nothing thinking seems to apply to me now sort of the more i read about it.. like i get jealous when my friends go places without me, and sometimes some of my teammates annoy the crap out of me for no reason, even when im not talking to them. but doesnt that happen to everybody? im starting to think back on all these instances and starting to think that it is because of bpd... but then sometimes il think "this is just another ocd obsession"

im constantly checking and reading sites like this every free chance i get too. could it be all in my head and just a bpd obsession? or am i obsessing over it because i have bpd?

You do exhibit some of the symptoms of BPD. From what you're saying, it sounds like you're exhibiting few enough symptoms to escape being classified as having BPD (that's a good thing). I don't really know much about OCD, apart from the obvious, so I'm not going to tread there.

There's an easy way to tell; have you thought about going for a professional diagnosis? A lot of what classifies someone has having BPD is not only the actions, but the reasoning behind it. My guess is that you have some traits of BPD mixed in with a little social anxiety. But then again, what do I know?

Sounds like some kind of anxiety disorder. Social anxiety and maybe OCD. Obivously someone needs to observe you in person in multiple sessions before giving a dx.

A give away to BPD is self harm. Do you do this?

i have considered going to see a therapist yes.. i have thought about that for a while. even when i was suffering from HOCD.. im sort of in and out of this BPD thing.. like sometimes i think i have it, sometimes i think its just me not being able to express my emotions.. i dont really have uncontrollable anger outbursts or anything.. i just get annoyed sometimes.

and no i do not self harm.. i used to drink alot.. but ive cut that down a little bit. and who doesnt wreckless drive sometimes..

another thing- ill spend any chance i get to check and read people's stories on bpd.. and ill keep searching till i read what i want to see. then ill feel better for a while. thats why im thinking this could just be another ocd obsession.. i was sure i was hocd for the longest time.. then i finally beat that then this obsession started... i cant afford a therapist right now or i would probably see one.. if i did actually have bpd, would i be wanting to see one? or would i be saying theres nothing wrong with me?

Sounds more like OCD. Again, you'd need a professional for a real diagnosis.

No self harm and no anger issues is not common in BPD. But you may just have a mild form.