Just got diagnosed...

I'm not sure where to start or what to say but I was recently diagnosed with BPD. I have mixed feelings about it because I know of it and felt like the symptoms really resonated with me, yet now that I have the diagnosis I hate it. I feel completely alone and have no idea where to go to get support. Seems like everyone is either ignorant or antagonistic about it. I just don't have a clue what to do. I've been feeling off (somewhat dissociative which seems to be one of the worst parts of my disorder) and I don't know how to fix that. Any ideas? Any resources you can think of I could use? My therapist who diagnosed me didn't know of anything in the area (I live in Athens, GA). Anyway... I'm not sure what else to say. How do you experience this disorder? Is it the death sentence it seems? I'm most concerned right now with my ability to keep a relationship. My relationships just got so jumbled up and strange and I think it has something to do with this disorder among other things. Is it possible to have normal relationships again? He means the world to me and I just want things to be ok again. Things got complicated and there were some abusive fights (both of us guilty) and I want to move past that and I think my BPD is getting in the way. Not to mention I have a really hard time being assertive about what I want. I was like that even before the fights. Now I'm dealing with a lot of mixed up intense feelings, dissociation, and face gnawing anxiety. I self injure and so far I've been able to stop but I usually break down and do it every couple months or so. Anyone else experience stuff like this? Is there hope? I'm also dealing with past sexual trauma which only serves to complicate things. Ugh... I'd give anything not to feel this way. Help!!!

MD, welcome to the nuthouse!

You're not alone in your feelings. I think most, if not all of us, felt the same way when we were first diagnosed. There's that relief that there is something to how you're feeling, but there's also that sadness that there is something to how you're feeling. I've just passed my one year diagnosis anniversary this week, but I certainly remember how it felt.

The upside is that the feeling will pass. You'll get used to it, as bad as that sounds. It took me about two or so months to start to accept that I really do have BPD, and probably another month or so after that to get comfortable with it. Now, I'm so comfy, I've got it broadcast for the world to see. Really! I've got a grey support ribbon (grey for BPD) tattooed on my neck.

How people experience it varies. For me, I'm classed as a high-functioning BPD, which means I can hold down a job and have a better chance at a relation; I tend to internalize things more. The fact that I also have Avoidant PD amplifies that internalization. The combo also makes me a cutter. It's how I've come to release things.

It's not easy being us, but we can make it work. You're safe here; there's no stigma or having to bury emotions. Just let it out. That's what we're here for.

Hi there,
I have found a little sanctuary in this forum and found people who are just like me. I am not officially diagnosed, but came here because I suspected I was BPD, and from talking to others I do seem to have all the symptoms. Unfortunately where I live the Health system makes it very hard for people with mental issues to be able to see a psychiatrist unless you're a very extreme case, and the information I sought about it is super-scarce, hence I came here.
I too am a high-functioning BPD with a steady job, and also a steady marriage. I have good spells and bad spells, but my main woe is that I obsess about people and have even stalked in the past. When I go through a bad spell I cut myself off from friends and family and even my husband and my temper can really get the best of me when I am like that. It's been like this for years and during a bad spell it's like the world is the enemy, I find it hard to speak to people or even look them in the eye, I don't want to go anywhere and snap at everything, I get angry and posessive and it can last for days/weeks.

However through forums/finding people with the same problems I have gradually learnt to keep some sort of hold on it. I try to focus on what I have. I love my job and take pride in doing it well. I have hobbies which even when I am in a dip, force me out of the house and see people and do stuff. If I didn't, I know I would probably never go out! But it does help. Try and focus on little things, things you appreciate all around you, and no matter how bleak the day may seem when you get up in the morning, get up and get out there, it's the only way and it's really helped me.
I used to self harm but I have now stopped, and although I still obsess and go through bad spells, they always pass because I have other things to focus on. There's no point trying to be someone you're not, so if you're angry then let it out. You just have to be able to admit to yourself why you did it. And you will come to terms with it. You might always have that "void" at the back of your mind, but you will get used to it.

Feel free to vent, it's what keeps me up and running too.

Courage!!