Being in Love (may trigger)

Ya guys,

I just had a major realisation that really blows me away.

I've always considered myself someone who falls in love hard and deep and then ends up suffering for it. Done the whole obsessing-for-years-wanting-to-die circuit several times over.

And now I take a good look at myself and I realise: what I thought was "love" in reality was nothing of the sort. What i really was doing was picking someone who represented something I wanted to be, obsessing about them for as long as it took for me to "become" them in some sense and then that was it. "Love" over. It was all about trying to become someone new, emulating someone else to the degree they became a part of me - but surely not love in any sense of the word.

Wow. I am amazed. Turns out I have never actually been in love with anyone.

It affects my emotions.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Wati8Mkwf8

leFay wrote:Ya guys,

I just had a major realisation that really blows me away.

I've always considered myself someone who falls in love hard and deep and then ends up suffering for it. Done the whole obsessing-for-years-wanting-to-die circuit several times over.

And now I take a good look at myself and I realise: what I thought was "love" in reality was nothing of the sort.

Wow. I am amazed. Turns out I have never actually been in love with anyone.

i SO know this feeling and am doing my best to NOT go down this path of emotional turmoil and destruction. it's completely ruined my psyche and sets me up for continued failure every time. now that you've recognized it, do you think you'll be able to change it?

i SO know this feeling and am doing my best to NOT go down this path of emotional turmoil and destruction. it's completely ruined my psyche and sets me up for continued failure every time. now that you've recognized it, do you think you'll be able to change it?

honestly, no idea. At the moment, the realisation feels kind of liberating and I feel like, FFS, its about time I learned what love really is. I've just been bs'ing myself all my life.

Gotta say, I've come to this epiphany mainly because at the mo I am in a relationship with another BPD. Although I deeply care for this person and feel a very strong connection, it has puzzled me for weeks now that I don't get my usual feeling of "being in love", although by all means and standards I should.

Then it suddenly hit me that with this person, there is just no element of "otherness" that I could latch on to, they just faithfully mirror back to me what is inside myself. So the ages old cliche that you cannot love someone unless you love yourself just takes on a whole new meaning...

-- Sat May 19, 2012 3:18 pm --

once_x wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Wati8Mkwf8

must.never.listen.to.this.while.driving!

I do this! I sometimes think that I'm with my boyfriend because I want to *be* him more than be *with* him.

He has so many qualities that are so hard for me...
- more accomplished than I am
- more confident about his place in the world
- more secure identity
- he has parents that love him and feels like he can always be safe
- accepting of himself

I know I have some strengths that he does not...
- much more empathetic
- comfortable in social settings
- not as severe ADD
- more cultured, well-read, etc.

But yes, this is so hard for me. I think I often confuse love with wanting to *be* someone instead of be with them.

I don't think I've been in love either. I just crave affection and a sense of identity that the other person has that I want to completely absorb in myself. That's why it's so hard being alone, because I don't know who I am without someone else? Very sad..really...