Scared losing it what's the point anymore? (trigger)

So here lately things have been doing really good made an appointment with my therapist bought a dbt workbook practicing the skills and me and my ex Scottie have been doing good. Everything was looking up until yesterday. We had lunch and he was all antsy a jerk talking about girls saying he had a dated but then said he was just messing with me and i should know better than that. we went to lunch and he finally told me he was getting kicked out of his parents but wouldn't say why. i imagine he's back on drugs but idk for certain but then he tells me (he's in the army) that he's gonna try and go to Korea for a job so he doesn't have to worry about a place to live and he's always wanted to be involved in the army as much as possible. i got upset he kept trying to reassure me it was ok and to think positive it wasn't worth giving up on. well then he called and said his sergeant wants him in Japan next week
but i don't know he sounded weird like he did when we broke up on new years and he went off on me. I'm scared it's all one big lie and he's not going anywhere he just wants me to leave him alone and this is his way to do it. i got on his Facebook earlier from an account i deactivated that we're friends on and he doesn't say anything about Korea or Japan but he's been talking to this other girl though but he did admit to me that he wasn't dating anyone but a few girls thought he was dating them but nothing serious. idk i feel so messed up I'm actually trying for the first time in my life and now this and idk if it's real or not. and then there's the whole drug thing cause he's always broke but he gets paid well from the army. i just feel so messed up right now cause i don't know what to believe am i being paranoid or not? is this bpd coming up? I'm losing my mind and I'm beginning to wonder what's the point?

So i didn't really get to finish it cause i ran out of room on my phone. But i just feel like what's the point in trying anymore cause I'm always gonna be like this paranoid not knowing if I'm right or just blowing things out of proportion or freakin out what's the point i know i have to try for somewhat of a balanced life i just feel hopeless

And now i feel like no one cares...i think I've convinced myself he's going to jail now makes the most sense and i doubt i see him this weekend he knows he'll end up telling the truth but idk if that's even true my heads so @&^%£# up on everything i don't even know what i think or feel and no one even cares i guess I'm really that screwed up made an appointment with my therapist who was supposed to call me to touch base yeah she never did i guess i must really be insane...

I know its tough and I am sorry u are suffering over this. Do u really want to continue a relationship with this guy? Why don't you try to meet someone else? Can a friend set u up? Sometimes the best way to wash a guy out of ur life is to date someone else for fun.

My best friend set me up with him and i do love him i think he's scared i don't usually just date people for fun i always end up hurting them manipulating and then feeling bad about it and it only just ends in a mess

-- Tue May 15, 2012 1:42 pm --

But i doubt we talk for a long time if ever again