Taking A Break

I don't know how to cope with having BPD at all. I just found out about it a month ago or so, and it all made sense when I read about it. All of my mood swings, my fears, just.. everything started to make sense.

There's a bigger problem though. My boyfriend and I are going to take a break from each other at some point. He's unable to go now due to financial problems, but knowing he will leave one day is driving me insane. I'm hurting so much, and I know talking to him about it is driving him mad too.

I have the typical feelings of abandonment, I feel like this is us breaking up for good. He told me we're not breaking up at all, he just needs to be somewhere else while he sorts through his problems, he has DID, and his alters are unstable. Something like that.

Still.. I don't want him to leave. The thought of losing him is absolute torture. I can't help feeling the way I do about it.. I mean people with BPD almost obsess over being abandoned and I know that feeling all too well. It's making me have fits of crying almost every day after one of his alters told me about him going for a little while. Everytime I think about it I get so anxious and I feel depressed, like I'm going out of my mind..

Please, if anyone can give me some advice.. how do I cope with my feelings? Has anyone had experience with this? I'm really scared right now.. and I really hope someone can help..

Hey luv,

I'm no expert at all, being new to all this too, but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're in that sh***y situation, that must be so hard. would drive me bonkers too.

I'm not sure I can give any advice, but I usually feel better when I take control of a situation like that instead of just waiting for the inevitable to happen - like, could you do something for yourself, get away for a bit, get yourself to a safe place where you're not exposed like that?

xx

I am in the same situation right now. My boyfriend is moving out soon and looking for an apartment now.

It worries me a lot but at the same time I want it too.

I can't stand the fact that he saw me at my worst, he knows how crazy I can be. It's like I can't be anything else around him anymore. He would know I am just faking, because the real me is just this miserable crazy thing, screaming, crying on the floor. Whatever can happen now, he knows... He saw me like this. I really cant stand it. This situation provokes new attacks all the time.

So I think maybe if he leaves I can get better. On my own. And then get back to him stronger.

These are just my fantasies because I doubt I could stand one day without contacting him. Or maybe I could... I don't know.

I've lost count the number of times I've been abandoned starting at birth. I tried to numb it out but that doesn't help in the long run. You have to not be afraid of it. Tell yourself you can make with or without him and it doesn't matter either way.