Why do "supportive" people always get in the way? *TRIGGER*

Hi, you may remember me, I posted here a while back.

I've had a very crisis-ridden few months, and after several hospitalizations within that timespan, have been dx'd with BPD. Since then, I've been trying. Research, therapy, rehab, learning coping skills, anything I could try, I've been trying, but it seems like my friends and family just keep throwing up obstacles. At this point I am so stressed that I have no idea who's helping and who isn't.

The most recent crisis: After an OD not too long ago, my father decided (while I was still blacked out and fading in and out of consciousness) that he wanted to interrogate me. He managed to get the name of my main man out of me. After that incident, I entered outpatient rehab and was doing well staying off the drugs on my own steam for a good two weeks. So my father happens to see my guy around, and decides to have a chat. I'm having a good day, doing well, and all, and suddenly my phone gets blown up with threats and demands to know why I'm talking. I have to work with this guy, and here he's saying he's gonna break my legs. I flip the **** out, and end up SHing and getting high. Thanks, Dad. I finally contained the situation, but there's still gonna be tension whenever I have to work with this dude.

On top of that, my mother is freaking out with passive-aggressive ****, and my girlfriend decides (while I'm in the hospital for a suicide attempt) that she's gonna break up with me and disappear to Georgia, taking my best friend with her, even though he had just told me while I was in the hospital that he had my back when I got out. Thanks, guys.

I know I can be prone to self-pity, being over-dramatic, etc., and I know that people aren't about to make me the center of their universe, but it seems like if they say they're my support network, they could at least not cause trouble, if they aren't gonna help.

It just feels like I have no one that I can really rely on to help me out. My mother is as crazy as I am, my dad's an idiot, my sister's never around, and my girlfriend and best friend are gone. I'm losing my ****, and I have no real support network, aside from my therapist, and I only just started with her, so I have no idea if I can work with her.

Anyway, sorry to rant, but I just had to vent somewhere. I really am trying to do this right, but I just feel like I've got nowhere to turn in a crisis. What do you do when you're pretty much completely on your own?

Hi fueled... I noticed that you hadn't posted in awhile, and was very worried as to what was going on. I'm glad that you're out, and doing a (little bit, if only) better.

Regardless, what do people do when they are essentially alone in this?

We come here.

This is where others understand, where they want to help you on the days that they can, and that want support from you on the days that you're having a better day than they are.

In essence, you are doing it. You are finding a support network, and even though this is an online community, it is open arms for you - anytime.

Also, when you are in crisis, please let one of us know. It sounds like there is a lot of animosity with you and your dad, and if your mom isn't much help, then one of us would like to find resources to help you - because we care, and because we know that if we are your primary support network, then we will help in any way we can.

I hope that this therapist works out for you. And as well, anytime you need it, I'm here for you, as is JohnnyBlaze.

**hugs**

<3


AMP

Hey, Fueled!

On the one hand, I can understand why your dad did what he did. If I had a kid and someone was helping him poison himself, I'd hunt the dealer down, too. However, that said, your dad should've recognized that it would come back on you; that wasn't a wise move on his part.

Something I was thinking was, the next time you talk with your therapist, see if you can set up a few sessions with your folks in there, as well. If their actions are impeding your recovery, then having an independent third party (i.e. the therapist) address them, may be just what they need to snap out of it, and in the end, it'll help you, too. Just a thought.

As for your girl and you "friend" (and I put that in quotes because no true friend would ever do that), I don't think there's much you can do. Personally, I'd cut contact with them. Even if they split up and one comes calling again, forget it. No guy, BPD or otherwise, that I've ever met would forgive his girl for cheating on him, or his best friend for betraying him. I don't know if it's the psychologically healthiest approach to take, but it's the one I'd sure take.

Like Ali said, hang around again and vent, cry, scream, whatever. You know we're here for you.

Hey, hey.

Thanks for the positive responses. I was in complete crisis mode when I posted, and I was worried it might be more than a bit whiny. But thanks. I'm just not used to this reaching out and help-seeking stuff.

This may have nothing do with FueledByCoffee's situation, but I do find that a lot of "supportive" people have very selfish reasons for their "support" or "concern."

E.g., "You need to do X so you can be happy," even though X is impossible or risky and mostly would make them happy. I don't mean directly, necessarily: just say it pleases a friend to think of you, say, going back to school or changing jobs or getting married and that working out wonderfully. And if you do and it does, they will in fact be very happy for you.

But if it doesn't, it's quite possible that they will suddenly be nowhere to be found, or blame you for "not really trying." Then you have to figure out if perhaps they're right or just pissed off because everything doesn't work out like the fantasy in their heads.

In this situation, FBC's dad (and I'm not saying I think this IS the case because I wouldn't know, but hypothetically):
-got to do something that made him feel empowered,
-maintained the status quo (FBC's drug usage) he's used to,
-gets FBC to "fail"

If I was gonna give advice, I guess the best thing would be to try and get dad to understand that only you can solve this problem; he can't do it for you. Without putting him on the defensive.