Passing on BPD insecurities to my daughter *TRIGGER*

I have been reading a lot about the likelihood of someone with a borderline parent developing BPd in adulthood and I'm starting to become concerned for my girls. Mybyoungest daughter always gets really upset about trivial things, such as when I am hugging my husband or other daughter she will start crying and say "no one is ever going to hug me ever again" and things like that. I've read that developing object constancy is really important in the child development, and it is something that borderlines struggle with. Knowing that when someone leaves momentarily, theybwill come back, instead of feeling abandoned.

Maybe I am looking too much into it at this point, but I have become really concerned for my children starting the same behavior patterns they see me exhibit. Is there anyone else out there with BPD and children? I just don't want them to go through what I have and I want to be a good mother, it seems I am struggling to even keep myself put together at this point though.

If there is anyone out there with thoughts on this subject please share. I would like to hearvothers experiences and concerns on this matter,

Thank you all!

Psyche

Hi there hun,

I can't offer any help here because I am lost with it but I do know what you mean. I am always fearing I have passed this on. I have 3 kids, 17,13 and 6..

It makes me feel so crap and angry with myself. I try so so hard but when you're being triggered by your spouse how can you sometimes avoid your kids learning such negative traits?

Generally I know I am a good, more than capable Mum but then there's those times.. you know what I mean..

Sorry I couldn't help. Just wanted to let you know I get what you're saying. I actually made a thread about this a little while ago. 'children affected'

xx

I know exactly what you mean about the spouse thing, most of the time I am very aware of my actions and it takes considerable emotional control to keep them to myself until my kids are asleep or out of earshot. But sometimes I just boil over and don't realize it till it's too late.

It has helped that my husband is pretty much going on this journey with me. So he is really starting to understand what I am going through, and sympathize with me instead of attack me for it. Example, if I have a "moment" he will try to calm me down instead of taking everything I say seriously and fighting back. Which is really helping the amount of exposure that my kids see.

But I feel the same as you, most of the time I am a completely capable mother and wife. It is that 10% that worries me........

Thank you so much for your response, I appreciate you sharing your experience with this subject, I know it can be hard to talk about the effect it might have on our kids, because we love them and want the best for them. But for me it is a reality I have to face, and I feel that maybe acknowledging it and being more aware will help them avoid my behavior.

Hey hun,

I have pm'd you x