Do YOU lie?

I used to think I'm a lousy liar. I was always telling the truth and if for fun I tried to tell a lie, I'd get caught because it was so obvious!

But recently I've noticed that I've started adding a lot of little bits to my stories... twisting the truth to make it sound better, sometimes mix the stories, steal parts from other subjects, exaggerate, sometimes add little bits to make them sound more believable.

Sometimes add bits to make it more dramatic.

Sometimes I forget what the truth was so I have to fill in the gaps.

Now I'm not sure if this is something typical for a BPD person. But I don't like it.

Do YOU lie?

I used to a lot, because the story was so pathetic that I had no reason to be upset so to speak, but I try not to anymore.

Interesting question:

I used to lie all the time, a lot about my eating disorder and destructive relationships (pretending things were fine when they weren't). Also about addictions. And I have lied to people about my achievements or plans but not in a calculatedly deceiving way, if that's the right phrase. I actually believed these things myself. I've also mishandled and misused money and lied about that.

I have a history of lying and exaggerating about traumatic events in my life because I felt if I didn't I wouldn't be taken seriously. But I've been told I also minimise and discount things that are traumatic in my past so it gets confusing.

Over the past few years I've tried to clean up my act and start being more open and honest about myself, and with myself, and I find I can also be "honest" in a naive way - revealing way too much information about myself, feeling I have to tell someone the ins and outs of a situation that is none of their business because if I don't I am being "dishonest".

I think mainly I lie to myself - to protect myself from harmful realisations.

It's confusing to me because surely the vast majority of the population lie in one way or another. Not to let myself off the hook because I don't want to lie and try my best not to.

Ad33 wrote:Interesting question:

I used to lie all the time, a lot about my eating disorder and destructive relationships (pretending things were fine when they weren't). Also about addictions. And I have lied to people about my achievements or plans but not in a calculatedly deceiving way, if that's the right phrase. I actually believed these things myself. I've also mishandled and misused money and lied about that.

I have a history of lying and exaggerating about traumatic events in my life because I felt if I didn't I wouldn't be taken seriously. But I've been told I also minimise and discount things that are traumatic in my past so it gets confusing.

Over the past few years I've tried to clean up my act and start being more open and honest about myself, and with myself, and I find I can also be "honest" in a naive way - revealing way too much information about myself, feeling I have to tell someone the ins and outs of a situation that is none of their business because if I don't I am being "dishonest".

I think mainly I lie to myself - to protect myself from harmful realisations.

It's confusing to me because surely the vast majority of the population lie in one way or another. Not to let myself off the hook because I don't want to lie and try my best not to.

BIB- I do this too. I exgaggerate trivial things to get attention. But if someone shows me genuine compassion for my issues, it makes me angry. No idea why I do this.

Yes, I get that! When people extend genuine compassion I feel irritated and defensive.

Sometimes I wish I could, then maybe what I say to others would be interesting.. lol

But no, I do not..
I have been lied to all my life by others ..it tickes me off,,
I seem to be incapable of lying.. I just can’t

mf

I'm generally a fairly open and honest person. I sometimes tell little lies, like "yes, I did get some studying done today", trivial things like that. dishonesty beyond things like that is something I absolutely loathe being on the receiving end of, so I try really hard not to be dishonest with people I care about when it's about anything remotely important. treat others as you'd have them treat you and whatnot.

lilyfairy wrote:I have had 10 counsellors in the space of 8-10 years, and not one of them would honestly believe me when I said I'd never been sexually abused or raped. That really hurt me that they wouldn't believe me and thought I was lying- I had one that brought it up every single session (sometimes 2 sessions a week) for 2 and a half years, and still didn't believe me at the end- that really hurt me and made my issues far worse. So I get really hurt when someone wants to tell me I'm lying about something.

That's awful! Do you know why that is? Their job is to listen out and help with issues caused by traumatic events in the past! How do you know they didnt belive you? Did they actually say that?
That's made me angry!

Wow after reading all these responses I've come to realise that I do tend to exaggerate things to make them more believable because if I didnt, they wouldnt seem like a big deal.
And I also recognise being guilty of TELLING EVERYTHING in order to know I'm not hiding anything.
Very interesting.

-- Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:52 am --

lilyfairy wrote:BTW this topic was also brought up a few weeks ago in regard to how lying IS NOT a trait of BPD.

Is telling everything a trait of BDB?

I think everyone lies to some extent... some way more than others though... but you know anyone who says they never lie is lying.

I myself am not a very big liar, in fact I am often finding much more trouble by being too honest. Nobody likes the truth especially if you haven't bothered to sugar coat it or tip toe around people's feelings in expressing the truth. But screw that, to me it's much more disrespectful to lie to someone than to be honest to someone even if it's at the expense of their feelings or sense of decorum. The truth is the truth and it shouldn't swept under the carpet.

You know I hate narcissistic liars, I have avoided the NPD section with a ten foot pole. To be honest I can't stand narcissists. Other lies are not as bad, some lies are downright funny. There is so many different kinds of lies but you know sometimes it's probably worse to be honest than to lie and that's something I find sometimes.... people don't like hearing bald faced truths. Ever been really honest with someone about yourself, like I mean REALLY honest? Or been REALLY honest with yourself? It's not a pretty picture it paints which is probably why some people lie so much.... but you know what? That disgusts me.

The most common type of lie I do is omitting the truth, or selecting certain truths to suit certain situations... like I'm good at twisting things and turning them around on their head not by lying but by selecting which truths to incorporate and which to omit... that is actually a form of lying I think.... but I also think it could a be a good skill if I was a lawyer

*afterthought edit*
I've actually spent the past couple of hours really thinking about my hate of narcissists and I think perhaps my father is one so I've been doing a little studying on it and it would seem that some of the problems I suffer could possibly stem from the type of abuse they revel in.... so I tentatively peered into that section... on the whole I have to say my distaste still stands HOWEVER if I ignore the posts that piss me off there seem to be at least a couple there that I could possibly encounter without needing to feel anger towards or without suffering abuse from ... well I want to try and understand really... so I'm going to ever so carefully (lest I become angry at those that are actually big enough to admit it and seek a place like this out... because my experience with them has always told me that they would absolutely refuse to admit there was ever anything wrong with them so I don't want to get into any arguments with any because that must be a HUGE step for a narcissist.... but it seems if I ignore most of them there may be one if I'm lucky that I could ask a couple of questions to) stick my nose in there.... and ask a couple of questions... being narcissists I doubt I'll actually upset any by asking a couple of questions to one I think perhaps isn't the devil incarnate.

And all this makes me think I still don't know what the ###$ is wrong with ME... I probably best fit in here but what IS borderline anyway? It does my head in.