Books? advise please

Lia_Interrupted wrote:

ajr8 wrote:I am a pwBPD.

And pigs can fly. You don't seem very sympathetic towards pwBPD if you're recommending a book that talks about people being "victimised" by pwBPD.

Take your victimising hobby elsewhere.

Lia, just so you know, just because ajr8 hasn't been online much lately here, he has been around on the BPD forum for quite some time and has always been a supportive person when he's here. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, whether someone else agrees with it or not.

Please don't fight guys. If there is a problem, PM a mod or resolve the issues you have with another poster in PM.

All righty.

Lia - your posts have been edited. I will send you a PM about it, and if you have any questions or problems at all, please let me know.

I do not want to have to lock this thread, because I think it is a helpful resource; HOWEVER - I will lock the thread if it becomes an all-out war about nons and BPD'ers.

There is a ton of controversy over Eggshells, and we all know why - it glorifies those dealing with a person with BPD, and as we see as BPD's, it gives them a reprieve on responsibility from their own actions. I get it.

However, just because someone got something useful out of it, does not mean that it is a book for everyone. It depends on your past trauma, your place in recovery, and what triggers you most.

PLEASE - be aware of your triggers. Post your thoughts, but there is NO reason to attack each other.

Now, that being said, I myself HIGHLY recommend:

Get Me Out of Here - Rachel Reiland. This book helped me immensely in my recovery process.

Eggshells - I stayed away from, because it would trigger me.

Angry Heart - pretty good read if you're entering into DBT, or thinking about it.

I Hate You, Don't Leave Me - gives the gist of BPD that you can get from reading Wiki, and also is a bit outdated, but is a good "general" read.


Any questions, please see me. And let's keep the peace, my people.


<3

AMP

So you can't edit his post about people being "victimised by pwBPD"? It's an extremely triggering comment. Just you wait. It's gonna upset someone else. Watch this space.

It's all the wrong way round.

Lia-

I'm sorry you feel that way, but as a pwBPD myself, I know that I have treated people HORRIBLY in my past, for which I've had to make personal amends in my recovery. And I know that my horrible behavior towards those people was perpetuated by others who treated me abusively, but I have to avoid slippery people for me, and focus on what I can control, which is only my own behavior.

I have noted that I will be watching this thread like a hawk. And if anyone feels bothered AT ALL by what ANY OTHER MEMBER has posted, PLEASE PM ME. I am more than happy to address the issue, and resolve what's possible, and consequences will be paid by those who cannot follow the forum rules.

If you have any further comments about this, Lia, please PM me. This has hijacked another member's thread, and that's not necessary.

<3

AMP

I can't even be bothered anymore. Don't say I didn't warn you when someone else is upset by such a comment.

MissAli wrote:Lia-

I'm sorry you feel that way, but as a pwBPD myself, I know that I have treated people HORRIBLY in my past, for which I've had to make personal amends in my recovery. And I know that my horrible behavior towards those people was perpetuated by others who treated me abusively, but I have to avoid slippery people for me, and focus on what I can control, which is only my own behavior.

I have noted that I will be watching this thread like a hawk. And if anyone feels bothered AT ALL by what ANY OTHER MEMBER has posted, PLEASE PM ME. I am more than happy to address the issue, and resolve what's possible, and consequences will be paid by those who cannot follow the forum rules.

If you have any further comments about this, Lia, please PM me. This has hijacked another member's thread, and that's not necessary.

<3

AMP

If there was a book that just dealt with child abuse, and spousal abuse from pwBPD I would support it. There is a difference between these types of abuses too. BPD abuse is very specific, and because the pwBPD is usally suffering with depression , self-harm etc, the 'non' in the situation feels they have to stay with them because they don't want to leave a person who is so obviously ill. I have been in this situation, and I still struggle with the guilt about it.
This must be a hellish situation to be in, and I would support a book that would help them to leave the situation safely, and try to heal. I would support a book that explains the abuse and where it comes from, just so the non doesn't take it so personally. And also how to protect themslves legally and financially.
But also, in case of protecting children during divorce, the 'non' chose to have a child with someone who is obviously unwell and abusive. And this is something I have a hard time getting my head around.

But, this 'Eggshells' book was given to my parents when I was diagnosed, to help them deal with me. My parents are mentally and physically abusive Narcs, and this book was like a gift to them. Not only did it elevate their status as 'amazing parents with a difficult child' it took away any responsibility from them. And they took many things from that book, to further abuse me. And the book wasn't even written by a professional. Not once in the book, does it ask WHY these children are so angry and self-harming, or depressed.

This book is 10 years old, treatment and attitudes towards BPD has moved forward, so the advice is outdated anyways.

From what I understand, BPD's would mainly be out to want to read BPD books for learning about BPD, in which case I have some knowledge of " I hate you dont leave me " and told the thread starter about this, based on what I know, of the first few chapters.

I believe that dealing with BPD, all on its own is hard enough and when recomending books, it should be taken into account that books that include "triggers" may not be the best idea.

It may be of someones opinion that only some parts are bad, and of anothers that it is a trigger only because "we " as bpd's have harmed ppl and thus, this should be taken into account and a book that recomends you read the "nons" version is thus, very fair. But thats wrong.

Being a recovered BPD myself, who acted more "inward" than "outward" and hurt myself instead of others and turned all anger within myself and suffocated it with selfharm instead of having it turn on others, Id say general opinions from non's of what BPD is, written in a negative light, is not an objective read. It is a subjectively written by people who have only experienced THAT negativity and in my opinion, should not be recommended to serve a reflection of what BPD is.

Not only is it triggering but it also indirectly further established the stigma associated with BPD and any person with BPD, in my opinion, would have to not have understood the complexities of the consequences of writing such a book, in order to recomend it.

Having that said, I wish you all a happy reading with whatever you choose and perhaps for any nons out there who wish to justify your opinions of BPD, feel a bit supported , walking on eggshells, will be absolutely splendid.

Personally, I find it an insult

I personally liked Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified: An Essential Guide for Understanding and Living with BPD, The Dr. had a sister with borderline but he isn't condescending from what I thought and is just helpful if you are trying to understand the disorder.

ajr8 wrote:There is nothing wrong with Stop Walking On Eggshells. It's a good book, but it has stories from people who were victimized by pwBPDs, that's the only thing you may not like about it. I feel it's very sympathetic towards people with the illness, but it contains different sections from different perspectives, some of pwBPDs, and some of nons.

I agree. Some of it makes me feel uncomfortable, which actually makes me feel that it may be more balanced than I am.

I don't see it as a book to avoid (I really would NOT have recommended it if I had thought that, honestly!) but I don't like the associated website so I do see what some of you are getting at. I didn't know until just now that Eggshells was such a controversial book. Sorry all.