Can't get over her. Normal for BPD?

So, last year in september, I fell in love with this girl. Typical of BPD, I fell in love with her at first sight, before i even aw her face. I know..
By february we get pretty close and we become roommates. I am obsessed with her by then, and she likes me but doesnt want to commit to anything so its sort of this on and off thing we have. It made me crazy and I eventually became so depressed that I try to kill myself because the school year is ending and she will be in a different country over the summer.
University starts up again this year, and she doesnt seem to like me as much... she still likes me as a friend but doesnt give me as much attention. And we aren't living together. I freak out. I was a mess the whole first semester. Off and on, sending her emails about how much she's hurting me "how can you do this to me?" that sort of stuff....
Long story short, we are no longer speaking by january of this year. I hated her for a long time. But at the same time, I love her and i hate her.
I am dating a guy now. and dont get me wrong, I love him. But it tears me apart that this girl and i are now longer on speaking terms. I have dreams about her at least once a week. dreams that we become friends again stuff like that...


Anyways, my understanding is that pwBPD can get over others pretty quickly. So why can't I get over this? Is it because she is the one who "abandoned" me?

Anyone els have this experience?

Well, I seem to get over others easily, but I had a narc ex over 10 years ago that wrecked me emotionally, and to this day, when I see him, I shake. Now, keep in mind, sometimes I shake out of fear (I don't know why), or from hatred... but never out of love.

I think there is a fine line between love and hate. I think anytime we have that strong emotion, we hang onto it, and it festers.

It sounds like she was very impressionable to you, and was of great importance.

My thought is that you're right - since she is the one who "left" you, she becomes that quintessential object of affection.

Sorry you're going through this, deja... We've missed you here on forum <3

AMP

I've not heard of getting over someone quickly as being a symptom of BDP...I have always had difficulty getting over relationships and even non relationships. In my head I have already seen my future with this guy and then it goes nowhere and I freak out. In fact, I thought it was typical to have a hard time dealing with break ups hence all the suicidal feelings and threats because of the fear of abandonment and rejection?? I have always felt suicidal after any sort of romance didn't work out. I now won't even think about having a relationship because of how destructive and painful they get. I'm not putting myself or anyone else through that again.

The typical symptoms are to become attached and very intense quickly, so I don't understand how you could easily get over something so intense. So yes, I totally think what you're feeling is the rejection and abandonment. Whether or not you actually love the person and care about them or just want them to care about you I can't say...I've never been able to figure out whether or not I loved my past love interests or if I just became attached to them and wanted them to make me feel like I was worth something. I would keep seeing a guy even if he told me he didn't want a relationship in the hope he would change his mind once he found out what a great person I was...and when it didn't happen, I then decided it was because I was not good enough. So it doesn't surprise me that you are feeling this way too.

I'm still not over my last girlfriend. This was 2 years ago now. I keep trying to compare people to her I think.

it took me many many years to get over this one girl. i was completely obsessed. i would dream about her, see her everywhere in the crowd, i was totally depressed all the time. every subsequent relationship was a pure comparison to this one girl. i guess i idolised her, i created the perfect image of someone that couldn't be beaten. of course all my other relationships fell apart because no one could match her standards. it was a long epic saga, epically painful, i am seriously thankful it is over now and i have had some level of closure.

the thing is... about the closure... it had to do with talking to my psych about my childhood, my parents and the level of abandonment, etc. etc. this made me relate it to my relationship with this one girl. i guess i never wanted to let her go, it wasn't her abandoning me or me abandoning her, it was me refusing to be abandoned by her no matter what. that is the difference. once i realised this i could finally let go.

I have always had a really hard time getting over boyfriends! When a relationship ends I feel soo empty and alone! I had to end it with my sons father and it sent my to the psych ward twice in the past 6 months! relationships are a trigger for me! I feel like i'm isolating right now just to avoid all the drama that comes with my relationships!! Hopr you feel better!! It sounds like you have a lot going for you!! Stay Strong!