curiosity for learnings sake...**not sure if trigger, but..*

I'll just add a trigger tag just incase. I see alot here, so better safe than sorry I suppose.

Just feel like learning about this disorder, I'm mostly on the Aspie board though(not DXed, just can relate). I do have one question about myself, that seems to be common in BPD that I would like some insight into.

Do all BPD have outburst? or is it possible for some to be non-outbursty and take it out on themselves?

also do BPD blow up on EVERYONE, strangers to family, or is just people that they feel are getting/are close to them? I have the understanding that not so close humans can even cause a shift in mood, but does it always produce a outburst, or are those usually only in cases of getting/are close to someone?

the question on myself:

What exactly is the unstable sense of self? Someone brought it up in one of my threads, and it seemed like something that could be a possibility. it's either that or I'm a hypochondriac, which just further confuses me on how to figure myself out if most of what I feel isn't even real/true.

zausel wrote:Do all BPD have outburst? or is it possible for some to be non-outbursty and take it out on themselves?

also do BPD blow up on EVERYONE, strangers to family, or is just people that they feel are getting/are close to them? I have the understanding that not so close humans can even cause a shift in mood, but does it always produce a outburst, or are those usually only in cases of getting/are close to someone?

Hi zausel;
I know that this is probably not what you want to hear, but it depends. Some people suffering with BPD have outward rages, and some have inward. and to make matters even more confusing, some do both, rage outwardly then feel such remorse and sadness for doing this, they then focus the rage inward.
As for blowing up at everyone, this depends as well. It depends what the persons "trigger" is, and the trigger can be something different every day.
The core of this is abandonment. So if you are close to the person suffering with BPD, they might start to "feel" that you are going to abandon them. So they do the only thing that they can to "save " themselves. They hurt you before you can hurt them. It is not out of spite, not out of hatred, and not because they want to be jerks. It is a form of SURVIVAL for them.

Sorry I could not be of more help.
mf

Some people with BPD "act out", while others "act in".

My outbursts are very rare- they build up over a long period of time and I eventually just snap if there's something in particular which sends me over the edge. Most of the time though, I internalise everything and take it all out on myself- I have rages, but I direct them at myself- either physically through self harm (cutting, driving too fast) or mentally (intensifying every single one of my faults and telling myself how useless/pathetic/hopeless/unworthy/incapable etc etc I am). I have frequent episodes where I'm absolutely fuming inside and instead of letting it out "constructively", I take it out on myself. I learnt to block out feelings and not show them because I was criticised for doing so when I was younger. But my few outbursts have been directed at someone at work usually, but I think that's been more by chance, where certain persons have just pushed me a tad too far. Again, by chance, my family have never seen me have an outburst. My family don't even know about my PD diagnosis- it's just called "depression" at home.

The unstable sense of self- means I don't really know who I am, what I want to do with my life, what I think, feel, want or need. I don't know what I like or don't like, or if I do like something, then at the drop of a hat that can all change to something else. It means that I'll come up with some idea of who I think I am, but then something will happen and that will all come crashing down around me, and it was just a big facade anyway. It's like I have these big black holes in who I am, like pieces missing out of a jigsaw puzzle and I'm constantly trying to guess what makes up the missing pieces, but I can never quite get my guesses right.

myfault wrote:

zausel wrote:Do all BPD have outburst? or is it possible for some to be non-outbursty and take it out on themselves?

also do BPD blow up on EVERYONE, strangers to family, or is just people that they feel are getting/are close to them? I have the understanding that not so close humans can even cause a shift in mood, but does it always produce a outburst, or are those usually only in cases of getting/are close to someone?

Hi zausel;
I know that this is probably not what you want to hear, but it depends. Some people suffering with BPD have outward rages, and some have inward. and to make matters even more confusing, some do both, rage outwardly then feel such remorse and sadness for doing this, they then focus the rage inward.
As for blowing up at everyone, this depends as well. It depends what the persons "trigger" is, and the trigger can be something different every day.
The core of this is abandonment. So if you are close to the person suffering with BPD, they might start to "feel" that you are going to abandon them. So they do the only thing that they can to "save " themselves. They hurt you before you can hurt them. It is not out of spite, not out of hatred, and not because they want to be jerks. It is a form of SURVIVAL for them.

Sorry I could not be of more help.
mf

it helped me. Thanks dude/dudette. So BPD won't blow up on someone they don't really know? or some will?

-- Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:31 pm --

lilyfairy wrote:The unstable sense of self- means I don't really know who I am, what I want to do with my life, what I think, feel, want or need. I don't know what I like or don't like, or if I do like something, then at the drop of a hat that can all change to something else. It means that I'll come up with some idea of who I think I am, but then something will happen and that will all come crashing down around me, and it was just a big facade anyway. It's like I have these big black holes in who I am, like pieces missing out of a jigsaw puzzle and I'm constantly trying to guess what makes up the missing pieces, but I can never quite get my guesses right.

ah alright. So could you readily identify the unstable sense of self? or was it hard to notice and someone else had to show you?

for me when i get upset or angry i could be hurtful by saying mean things to people or hit. i have a problem on pushing people away from me. I just feel like people are not to be trusted so i push them away cause im afarid of them hurting me. but than again i get sad when im lonely and no one comforts me and if no one comforts me i start getting angry that no one is helping me i feel abandon. i get very irraited and say people are annoying. so i stay away from people a lot and don't talk to anyone in my family or friends, i don't really think there my friends cause i don't talk to them at all that often, but i have lots i need to take off my chest but i can't cause i have no body around me.

i hurt myself by cuting, banging my head aganist the wall or punching myself, ive thrown things at people or breaking glass, or anything is in my room, ive stabed my bed, ive push people against the wall, hit people with umbrallas, ive done lots of other things that im not happy of but this is how i learn how to show my emotions

zausel wrote:ah alright. So could you readily identify the unstable sense of self? or was it hard to notice and someone else had to show you?

Yes and no- I knew all those feelings were there but didn't have a term to describe it. I could describe how I felt and it was only that my therapist then told me that it has a name. As I've gone on further in therapy I've learnt to identify it better, but the emptiness and instability was there well before I started therapy, I just understand and recognise it a lot more now.