TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER -BPD IS ALL I CAN BE

YOU TRY GET BETTER THINK I CANT LIVE THIS HELL AND REALIZE YOURE MIND IS SPLIT, NOT GOOD ENOUGH SO CONTINUE SELF DETRUCTIVE PATH.

i have been slitting my arms and making them bleed all day.
Purging.
Messaging people wasted.
taking valium and imovane and drinking wine.

called sick for work as a headache when really I'm so depressed i couldn't move my body out of it.

I AM AND ALWAYS WILL BE BPD.
NO LAWYER
NO MANAGER
NO HOUSE WIFE
NOTHING JUST BPD

til i die... estimated about 24/25-30

*hug* Rebba. Keep talking to us.

Rebba, please hold on!

Ok, so a few years back I was a total trainwreck of a person. I was borderline alcoholic, self-harming, arguing with everyone, dissociated, couldn't hold down a job, and wound up having a psychotic breakdown because my mind just broke. But I am a lot better now.

There are things you can do to heal. Doing Mindfulness and Trauma Release Exercises have changed my life. Using Mindfulness to calm my moods and helping me to think before I act. I do breathing exercises when I feel I am going to get angry. And the TRE to expell the trauma and pain I was carrying, that was making be behave the way I did.

I know, when you have no identity, that BPD becomes your identity. It is all you are. Every part of you is a 'sickness', it's a horrible feeling.

But, just know that BPD is closely linked to PTSD. You are traumatised and reliving your pain in the only way you know how. But if you start to lose the trauma from yourself, you will start to think differently.

I feel soooo much better these days. I am being more responsibly for myself, and taking genuine care of myself. Not the BPD 'care' of drinking, cutting, eating disorders etc.

BPD is not all you are. You were not born this way. We are all a product of abusive families, but that doesn't mean that we have to stay this way.

I wound up having a psychotic breakdown that lasted years, because I wasn't taking care of myself. It was horiffic. You don't want to end up in this state, trust me. I lost my job, flat, friends, sanity.

Give yourself a break. Nobody deserves to be self-abused like this.

i will read this tomorrow i made blood pools on my arm slits and i am dumping valium and imovane and alcohol to try pass out from the pain.

IF HE ANSWERED AND STAYED A FRIEND AND I WANT TO BE NORMAL FRIENDS AND NORMAL AGAIN.

If i commit suicide its his 10% fault .... and mine of course.

I am too wasted to reply so will at work tomorrow thanks Lily82 you had a HELL of a ride and amazing to come through and bother with me.

Today i just self destructed i hate having to get up and out of bed I'm to depressed some days so i lied and said i had a migraine. My boss was not impressed but i just could not come to work.
I was like not here, depressed, would have ended up exploding.

thanks.

rebba87 wrote:i will read this tomorrow i made blood pools on my arm slits and i am dumping valium and imovane and alcohol to try pass out from the pain.

Rebba you need to get help now! If you pass out while bleeding and intoxicated you could seriously hurt yourself or die.

Please phone for help or go to a neighbour. We can talk about everything after you get help.

And yes, you have to.

the bloods stopped i rinsed out, there was not much, i just had my social worker friend from Melbourne ring me and she is finding me what female psychs are in Sydney where i live to help me in the future.

Thanks <3

Its 10;20PM
nobody is home
My neighbours and i don't know one another.
I am broke for ANOTHER ambo bill.
I was on the phone to a social worker before who said should be fine.
The bleeding has stopped.
I haven't had imovane since this morning.
Just valium and wine and watching a movie.
Might try sleep as i have to be up at 6.30am for work tomorrow.

Okay. I still think you should update the thread later and let us know how your doing.

Sorry for overreacting.

yeah well nausea, heart broken, really woozy and tired as expected. Watching Silent Hill !

WIll do tomorrow.

rebba87 wrote:Watching Silent Hill !

Add a movie review as well