Does BPD and fear of being alone or abondonment...

leave you more open to suffering abuse from others?

In my past I would have to say it has... being willing to put up with various forms of abuse because the alternative in my mind was being alone forever and once trapped in the cycle and it being all I knew I was prone to believe that there wasn't anything better for me out there, that no-one could ever love me, or that there just must be something about me that makes people treat me that way... there was something about me that made certain people treat me that way and that was a fear that I'd have nothing without them... the willingness to cling to them no matter how bad they treated me.

I still feel painfully lonely at times and can't say at all that's it's ever been roses on the other side but I can say that I was much better off without them... some like family are harder to let go of than others and things will never be peachy but I was just wondering if any others had any thoughts about this... do you think that maybe BPD can make you more prone to being open to abuse from others?

It's awfully confusing.... I cried and became depressed when I came here because I thought "So this is what it's come to? If I want to talk to people the only ones who will have me are in a "mentally ill" forum".... I want so much to be seen as normal but I just don't quite fit in anywhere.... I have adjustment disorder and I over analyse things too much... things that just seem to roll off other's backs seem to cut me like a knife, disable me. I've battled my whole life to be a functional person but sometimes my emotions just cripple me.

You know BPD's we're meant to actually in general be a bright (as in smart) bunch... maybe we're not necessarily emotionally retarded but just emotionally sensitive, we care a lot, sometimes we have to shut down because it's all too much, sometimes we feel like we need to do something drastic to change a situation... I don't know because I'm sure we are still all different and cope and deal with things differently but I maybe wanted to get a few of us thinking if we actually leave ourselves more open to abuse because of the way we are.

Thoughts appreciated if any... and if none well I had a good ramble anyway... was better than driving myself mad while not sleeping.

In my experience, I would absolutely say yes, it leaves you more open to suffering abuse from others. My last partner put me through hell through his actions, any other woman would probably not have put it with it for as long as I did. But the same thoughts went through my mind, "this is my only chance at love" "no one else will want me" etc etc. I was a doormat for a long time and I never stood up for myself. It makes a lot of sense that someone with BPD would stay in an abusive relationship because of the abandonment issues. I agree with and can relate to a lot of the statements you made.

I'd say yes as well. makes it easy for someone to take advantage of that fear if they're the sort of person who gets gratification out of doing so.

Yes, people take advantage of that fear, whether consciously or not. They may not see our fear, but they can see we don't want to be left behind by them.

The other part of it is, you could be in a potentially dangerous relationship (friendship or romantic), but be so afraid of being left on your own that you stick with it, because you feel you have no idea where else to go.