Need advice with gf(possible BPD) ** TRIGGER **

We've been together for about 7 months now. I am 24(M) she is 25(F) with 2 kids that are hers. We met through mutual friends. First we started off as friends and gradually started dating as we had a lot in common, pretty much everything in common. I moved in with her pretty quick, as I was over there everyday just about. I had gotten laid off my job and was struggling with unemployment. She came to my rescue and helped me out until I got a job 2 months later. After that I started helping out with bills/rent. The relationship was good for the 1st three months, then the arguments started happening. We'd normally be fine the next day though.

She's had a rather abusive past growing up as a child, which she brings up a lot specially when we get into fights. Sometimes she says I've said things during arguing that I have never said and I noticed as time went by it got worse and worse. The facts and her reality were pretty distorted and at the end I was always lead to believe I was the one at fault and all the arguments were my fault. She drinks whiskey a lot...like everyday for the most part and that's normally when we get into arguments that then escalate in craziness. If she's not drinking, then everything is fine we get along quite well for the most part. She's kicked me out a few times now. The first time she kicked me out for about month. The second time for about 2 days and she just recently kicked me out again over a stupid argument, that I of course "started" It's been two days now.

She ignored me pretty much all day yesterday and called me last night, explaining that everything is my fault, that I ruined her life, that she has nowhere to go come the time her lease is up(I was the money maker in the relationship after I got my job), that I emotionally and verbally abuse her, that she feels like she'd be better off dead so her kids could have her life insurance(she's made suicidal threats before). I sat there and listened to her fault me for EVERYTHING for about an hour. And told her I was going to get off the phone, I apologized a lot to her but that just isn't enough it seems. She stopped me from getting off the phone by saying if I do she'll be alone again so I stayed on the phone. Then she said it felt like abuse talking to me, she felt like she was self abusing herself. She also said she has never hated anyone as much as she has hated me. I asked her if she hates me so much, then why continue to contact me. She went on to say more nasty things and I just gave in and agreed with everything she was saying.

The night we got into an argument 2 days ago, she got mad at me for not wanting to do something with her and made me feel like crap for not wanting to do it. I decided to go to bed to defuse the situation after explaining to her how she made me felt, but she kept it going and we eventually got into an argument in which she took my phone and told me to get out of the house. I had to get my phone back from her and after getting it out of my hand, had to basically hold her back from getting it before I could. She accused me of dislocating her thumb, slamming her head into the wall, and leaving a hand print on her arm(she bruises easily). I didn't do any of that I just wanted to get my phone back. After that the police were called and I was told to leave.

Before we got off the phone last night she proclaimed to not wanting to contact me anymore, but ended calling me an hour later asking if I had came to her house because someone knocked on her door and she was scared. I told her no and asked if she wanted me to come over in which she replied no and said she'd call me back. She texted me but I didnt see it till later in the morning. I texted her this morning telling her I want to work things out and support her and the kids and am willing to do whatever it takes.

I don't know much about BPD, I've read up on it here and there. It seems like she exhibits some of the symptoms and I'm not sure what I should do. Will she even take me back? Is she seeing how far she can push me before I give up? I know BPD only see black or white..does she see me as the bad person right now and will eventually see me as good? She said I walked out on her and the kids when I didn't she kicked me out. What should I do? How do I get her to calm down and listen to me?

Hi, and welcome to the forum...

While it is difficult to diagnose her with just what you've written, I might point out that some of being BPD is how she would view herself, which obviously isn't going to be something that we will hear from her side.

Also, I don't know that any of us will have the answers you're looking for as to whether or not she will come back to you, but at the same time - it appears that this relationship may not be in your best interest, whether she is BPD or not.

It also is a very hard thing for someone to accept, having BPD. Sometimes it takes stumbling upon it yourself (such as in my case) that brings up the topic of diagnosis from a therapist/pdoc, but is she currently in any sort of therapy?

I know I haven't been the greatest help, but I wanted to welcome you here :0).

AMP