How did you behave when you where a child?

im just curious about how you behaved when you where young, i remember me being extremelly shy and did almost never talk. i still struggle with that when i am with friends but its like night and day if you compare it to when i was little. Sometimes i would also have sudden outburst becuse of trivial things but fellt so ashamed at myself afterwards. i did never start a fight, infact i was bullied and that was maybe one of the reasons i started to skip school. On other forums did many of the people who suffered from Bpd mention how they used to be shy as a kid, i dont know if theres a connection there but i am just curious if any of you can relate to that?

Hello. I had an overly shy, self-conscious side to me. In fact, I hated it when more than one or two people looked at me at the same time. I would often hide upstairs when people came to visit. Then there was a side to me with my friends, I was an overt entertainer, moreso than my friends. I've always had both a very introverted and extroverted side to me. I'm both, which makes those online personality tests very hard to do lol.
I was extremely quiet and private about my emotions however. Never showed people how I felt, unless rarely. I believe I'm still very similar to how I was. My mother said her children were all angelic, so I'm guessing, I gave her no trouble when I was very young. It somewhat changed when I became a teen, I'd act out a lot, show a lot of my frustrations...but again, never my real pain and sadness. It was more just secondary emotion that I'd show...ie. stuff that resulted from my own personal frustrations but not the actual source of that frustration.

I haven't actually been diagnosed, but I'll respond anyway. How young are we talking?

I don't remember a lot of it, but I was apparently a pretty good kid for the first several years of my life. I also have the opposing introvert/extrovert behaviors depending (as far as I can tell) on the setting, like talula above, and I believe I was always that way.

However, I eventually became the subject of some bullying, which led to a rift between me and... nearly everyone else. Even the teachers mistreated me, since they had been convinced I was simply a "problem child." As a result, by the end of elementary school, I was very prone to outbursts.

I was painfully shy, was bullied for many years, and couldn't make eye contact with people until I was probably.....9ish? even when they were talking to me or especially when I was talking to them. whenever my earliest best friend and I played with our stuffed animals, I had to make all the stories end with violent deaths. and I was quite OCD until I hit my teenage years.

Loud, poor social skills, hyperactive, erratic.

I remember I used to wake up screaming that people were coming through my window...

Then again, I've been BPD since I was at least 5

Insanely shy. Didn't talk until I was 3 1/2 or 4. Clingy at times. Short tempered. Highly intelligent. Disorganized.

I don't know about you guys but I feel so disconnected from my early childhood--like we're two different people. I feel the current me has come to exist at the age of 10-11 and I always refer to "myself" pre-10 as "her" or the "child". I mean, she was happy and laughing and everything--the complete opposite of me. I can't relate to her at all.

Anyway. I think I was always a highly sensitive person and shy, especially when stepping outside the house. But according to mum, I got pretty violent for a small period of time around Kindergarten and I actually injured someone!

But yeah. I can certainly say I was and still am socially awkward. My social skills were such a disaster. Still are. I guess HIP+SA = recipe for disaster.

It took something between 3-6 months before I'd get used to any classmates or feel a bit comfortable around anyone. But after I'm past that stage, I switch into a very talkative and active person.

I think I had great difficulties expressing myself, saying what's on my mind, explaining my feelings to say my parents and generally opening up, from a very young age.

Self-esteem was always an issue. I was never confident--or if I was, it must have been so brief that I can't recall it.

Unlike my siblings, my relationship with my parents weren't smooth. I felt more and more distant every year. My family went through a lot of crises one after the other for a very long time. And during that time, I guess I turned into an "adult child" and I was only 11. And instead of having my emotional needs met, I was providing my siblings (and even mum and dad) with the support and ignoring my own because I didn't know how to say it.

So even though I was financially and physically supported, I feel I was extremely neglected and even abandoned emotion-wise by my own parents. It's even worse because none of it were intentional--they never knew what's happening inside/how things affected me. I guess that's where my abandonment issues stem from?

I was also bullied around 6th grade for months before I had to change school. And it was hell.

I've physically grown up but I feel my 'emotional age' is "stuck" in that phase.

Sorry for the long post, I got carried away. I really need an editor sometimes.

I dont think I behaved. I misbehaved though lol. I was actually thinking about this the other day and I cant think of many good things. I wasnt shy , I had abandonment fears, but I didnt like everyone so guess I was a bit careful. I wasnt careful of standing my ground, hehe. I would tell anyone off, whether there was 2 or 20 of them. Bulying never touched me and ppl tried. I raged at them. They thought I was nuts, I raged a bit more. I lied a lot too, for approval mostly.The most silly little lies. If someone had a cute bike, I had a cooler one, but it was in my grandmas basement...across town....ofcourse, haha. I set things on fire too, and I poured sand into little toddles hair in daycare, and pretended they fell face down in the sand and that I was just helping when a daycare teacher came by.

BUT hey.....I didnt torture small animals lol

Skippedbeat wrote:BUT hey.....I didnt torture small animals lol

I sort of did, if they wouldn't play with me.

Nothing too terrible, but I was a lot more aggressive with them than generally considered acceptable.

Display wrote:

Skippedbeat wrote:BUT hey.....I didnt torture small animals lol

I sort of did, if they wouldn't play with me.

Nothing too terrible, but I was a lot more aggressive with them than generally considered acceptable.

Does making your hamsters do hamster olympics count? cause in that case Im screwed lol.

Torture or torture, its all relative.....until you set them on fire or start pulling their legs out. Thats just, you know...definitely torture.

It was a joke by the way. Something about how psychopaths torture small animals as children
Maybe I was right on the border and sneaked out of it, haha.