What to do about "red flags"?

Recently I started dating someone (3 dates so far to be precise) and I've been doing my best to be as un-BPDish about it as possible: we haven't had any physical contact yet, I haven't told him too much about myself and so far I've managed to keep my head steady and to avoid entering the idealization stage…

On the last date something happened that I wasn't expecting and wasn't prepared for: I started seeing "red flags"…. Something about the way he relates to other people gives me the impression that he might be kind of cold and insensitive to others (he hasn't been that way with me so far but we are still dating, after all).

I plan on running this by my T before making any "decisions" because I want to be sure that what I'm seeing is really valid and not just based on the same emotional crap that's been keeping me away from relationships thus far.

My only problem right now is that next time I see my T will be Thursday and I'm probably going to have to talk to him between now and then… and now I'm kind of afraid of that because of a rather stupid/crazy reason: I'm afraid of entering "the cycle" with him… I'm afraid that once I get to the honeymoon stage I won't be able to let go of him even if he turned out to be a total douche…

Any advice?

Can you give some examples of these red flags? It's hard to say without a clearer idea

Hi Shaky!!!

I guess it would depend on the "red" flags. LIke as in, HOW red are we talking? Like, BPD-red, or just merely a little pink blush? YOu know how we all are :0).

I think its a great idea to run past your T! Great job thinking of that!

<3

AMP

MissAli wrote:Hi Shaky!!!

I guess it would depend on the "red" flags. LIke as in, HOW red are we talking? Like, BPD-red, or just merely a little pink blush? YOu know how we all are :0).

I think its a great idea to run past your T! Great job thinking of that!

<3

AMP

Hehe… thanks…

I'm not sure "how red" they are, or rather: to what extent I'm blowing this out of proportion… which is why I'm not making any decisions right now.
I guess you could say I'm torn somewhere between "push" and "pull" atm and I'm not only not sure in which direction to go – I'm not even sure how to figure out which direction to go .

Hmmm. Usually, when I'm in THAT seat (happens often), then I know that I don't have enough information for myself to make a good decision.

And usually that means I sit on it for a few days to a week or two, depending on what I'm looking to find out.

Maybe this also means you're not really into it as much as you thought? I mean, is there something else that is more of a reason that is making you hold back?

I'm kind of doing the same thing, but haven't really "crapped or gotten off the pot" per se.

AMP